Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

To think double barrelling DC's names is a bit selfish and is storing up trouble?

(81 Posts)
grobagsforever Wed 02-Oct-13 20:28:17

So couple has child. Couple not married. DC gets double barrelled name. Or couple marry, couple double barrel their name (or just woman does) and DC get that name. What are DC supposed to do when they have DC? Quadruple barrel perhaps? It's madness. Personally I am also aginist the father's name being taken as the default, very sexist and patriarchal. IMHO girls should get the mother's name and boys the father's. That way no names die out.

Kendodd Fri 04-Oct-13 09:58:04

I have a Ds but if i had a DD i would be appalled if she changed her name on marriage (she would probably do it to spite me then) - i just think its so sexist and derogatory.

Me too

Given that when couples with children split up (as 50% will) 92% of those children will live with mum and of those 20% will lose all contact with their father, I think the default position should be that DC adopt mother's name, and that on marriage men should adopt the woman's name.

Actually, thinking about it logically, you're right. After all it makes the most sense if children have the same name as the person they live with and future proofing that as much as we can.

Dahlen Thu 03-Oct-13 15:09:59

Given that when couples with children split up (as 50% will) 92% of those children will live with mum and of those 20% will lose all contact with their father, I think the default position should be that DC adopt mother's name, and that on marriage men should adopt the woman's name.

Or, everyone can just do what the hell they like. grin

Andcake Thu 03-Oct-13 15:04:11

we didn't hyphenate for the exact above reason soo my surname could be an extra middle name. his choice when he is older.
I have a Ds but if i had a DD i would be appalled if she changed her name on marriage (she would probably do it to spite me then) - i just think its so sexist and derogatory.

i'm not a huge feminist but how are women ever going to be seen as equal if we all doey eyed change our names on marriage. Girls scrawling there name with the boy they likes surname just makes me think there is no hope for equality.

AllBellyandBoobs Thu 03-Oct-13 14:53:53

My dd has a double barrelled surname as do I. It was important to me to keep my surname and give it to my daughter, my husband wanted us all to share his name. The names aren't hyphenated so it seems a bit easier to choose whichever I/she wants to use if not both, she can also make up her own mind when/if she gets married/has children. It was a selfish decision (as is choosing any name really) but I doubt it will leave any lasting scars on her psyche

Thurlow Thu 03-Oct-13 14:18:48

Motherinferior, I'm sure they are. I was just trying to find a point to make against the perennial assumption on MN that women whose DC have the dads surname did so blindly following tradition. I'd imagine most women who decide to keep their own name on marriage or not to get married at all are unlikely to simply then follow blind tradition on names. Different scenario if you're planning on getting married and changing your name later.

Milkjug Thu 03-Oct-13 13:59:34

Not giving our son both our names was never an option for us. He has two parents, with two surnames they are, perfectly reasonably, attached to, for personal and professional reasons. The only discussion was which order the names worked best in.

A good two thirds of the children we meet of roughly his age (toddler) have both their parents' names.

You are quite at your liberty to see it as 'try-hard', but I see it as progress.

YABU. Fully intend to do it with my own. I love my surname, I'm the only person in the country with my full name and there are less than 20 of us with the surname according to census details. I love DPs surname too and would want my kids to have both. If they want to keep/drop any part of it as they get older that suits me.

motherinferior Thu 03-Oct-13 13:33:27

No, they're just bright sensible women who look at the stats on separation and/or divorce. (And/or have a boredom threshold, of course.)

Thurlow Thu 03-Oct-13 13:27:52

The only reason I assumed people would be annoyed if their DC eventually decided to drop their part of the db surname is that they are obviously bothered/feel strongly about their surname enough to want it as part of their DCs name. It's not a massive leap to then imagine they might be slightly barked if their adult DC drop that particular name.

And with the assumptions awash on threads like this that children of unmarried couples should have their mum's surname for when the inevitable split occurs, and women who chose to have a different surname will end up regretting it... Hmm. You could counter that women who won't even consider the equal right of a Dad to pass on a surname and insist on the DC having their name feel somewhat less than comfortable about the lasting ability of their relationship...

samandi Thu 03-Oct-13 12:43:10

Oh, and this way all the kids share the same name while they're growing up. Also they share part of their surname with both their mother and father.

samandi Thu 03-Oct-13 12:42:24

Son and daughter both get double-barrelled names (or just two names).

When son marries he drops off the mother's surname. When daughter marries she drops off the father's surname. They then combine remaining names with spouse.

A perfectly simple, equal system :-)

Surprised that you haven't come across naming systems that have more than one surname. It's mentioned enough here.

Kendodd Thu 03-Oct-13 12:10:27

IMO the best naming solution is -

Mum keeps her name unchanged whether married/remarried/divorced
Dad keeps his name unchanged
Children DB

This way if couple split up, mum/dad has more children/remarries etc children always share a name with their parent and any siblings whether full or half, you don't get a situation were one child has a different name to the rest of the family and it's obvious who a child' family are. I know there might be some rare exceptions were for some reason a person has to change their name though.

For the next generation
Mum keeps her (DB) name
Dad keeps his (DB) name
Children have one name from each parent (whatever sounds best) so they are double barrelled.

There, all sorted.

motherinferior Thu 03-Oct-13 12:03:39

I really think my lovely daughters will face greater challenges in life than the surnames of their putative children.

GatoradeMeBitch Thu 03-Oct-13 12:01:02

It's a personal decision. DS has my surname because I insisted. I never liked ex-DHs name.

lisac99 Thu 03-Oct-13 11:50:32

I've always had a db surname - it's been in the family for about 400 years.

I wouldn't change mine on marriage and if I had children and my partner had strong views about it, I'd want half of my surname and his to be our childrens name - that way both our family's names continue and it will be up to any children as to if they do the same.

PeppiNephrine Thu 03-Oct-13 11:46:40

"political correctness" just means you get told off for saying the nasty offensive shit that you used to get away with in the 70's.
Anyone who uses the term is pretty much automatically a wanker.

Lilka Thu 03-Oct-13 11:42:13

I find that people who bleat on about political correctness are usually not very nice, and often deliberately say as many offensive things as they can and just love having an 'excuse' to fall back on. Just an observation

Saying what you said is rude and offensive, full stop. Try taking responsibility for your actions/words instead of trying to blame others for your own actions(it's all societies fault not mine, whine whine whine)

My experience is that people who double barrell are usually either couples or parents who split up after a long term relationship. I barely know any single mums with more than one child whose children don't all have the mothers surname.

DesperadoSleepyTime Thu 03-Oct-13 11:41:24

I would have liked to double barrel but didn't for the very reason you mention. Instead I kept my maiden name and DD has my family name as a middle name and DH's name as a surname. That way if she chooses to double-barrel even unofficially in the future the name is there, plus I still feel as if I have passed my name on.

absentmindeddooooodles Thu 03-Oct-13 11:36:38

My ds has a double barrelled name. I see nothing wrong with it at all. Its not hideously long and this way he gets both his dads and my name too.
His dad and I are not together, and when I marry dp I intend to double barrel my name. That way ds and I will still have a name in common as he will do with his dad.
Seems a very trivial issue to me.

squoosh Thu 03-Oct-13 11:27:12

Cool your jets and stop worrying about the surnames of future generations. You name your children, your children name their own.

There are long standing naming traditions which are completely different to the way that the UK does things. Shocking I know.

BurberryQ Thu 03-Oct-13 11:22:09

ok then a spiteful and nasty observation hows that? i refer to your use of the words 'brigade', and suggesting these mothers don't know who fathered their children.
the only women i know with children from different dads have made a point of having them share a name.
another observation is that people who start bleating about 'political correctness' on internet forums are usually nasty dicks using this as an excuse for their own vileness. just an observation ok?

5madthings Thu 03-Oct-13 11:19:46

Yes Burberry that is just nasty, I couldn't be arsed to pull them up on it tho, still when posters make comments like that at least you know where you stand and that their opinion is probably not worth listening to grin

As it happens all of ,one have the same father, this surprises people as we are not married and had ds1 when we were young, men I don't care what people think, their judgment says more about them than me.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 Thu 03-Oct-13 11:17:29

Not spiteful and nasty - merely an observation. Thankfully this forum is one of the few places left not subject to political correctness.

5madthings Thu 03-Oct-13 11:17:18

The madthings have a double barreled surname, mine-dps.

We are not married and even if we did marry I wouldn't change my surname.

They actually go together well and the kids seem happy with their names, two of ours actually have two middle names so five names all together, its not caused a problem for ds1(14) to have a long name, so I assume it won't be a problem for did(2).

My mil didn't like it at all that we double barrelled and for ages would only use DPs name on letters etc, drove me mental but as soon as the boys were old enough they corrected her themselves! She started putting their full surname on things then.

As for labelling I just use a sharpie marker pen and write the surname on stuff, no sewing and no first namre as I hand stuff down.

The children are all free to do what they want with their names when they are older, ds2 actually went through a phase of insisting he was called fang rather than his name grin if they cha he their names or drop part of their surname or even all of their surname that is up to them and I won't mind.

BurberryQ Thu 03-Oct-13 11:13:58

I think it used to be quite unusual but has now been adopted by the many kids from different dads brigade, possibly to help them remember which father is for which child
that is just spiteful and nasty

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now