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To call SS?

(92 Posts)
DontLetMeSuffercake Wed 02-Oct-13 17:32:47

Will my kids be taken away?

I really cant bare the thought of that.

Ive name changed but fuck knows why. Its so obvious who I am, my life is one big fuck off car crash. I must have been a massive cunt in a past life.

I have a 7 yo and 2 yo. The 7 yo has SN and the 2 year old has so many serious health problems its ridiculous, he breastfeeds hes on a massively restricted diet, he wakes every 30 mins (last night he managed 40 mins at one point, deep joy) and its been this way for months. Hes under specialist care and we are doing the best we can between us to remedy this.

Waking that often is a killer. But on top of that recently Im felling horrendous and Im in a lot of pain, Ive had blood tests and xrays this week because it seems to be pointing to Rheumatoid Arthritis. The tiredness is indescribable.

Im a single mum who recently got accused (wrongly) if benefit fraud. My ex lived in a caravan and stayed round 3 times a week to help me with the terrible nights. I got on the wrong side of my landlady, she reported me, they investigated, said they didnt believe me (because I couldnt prove he lived in a fixed abode, what with it being a fricking caravan). So they said declare yourself a couple or be prosecuted. So he moved in. It was horrendous and bitterly unhealthy for the children to witness.
He moved out, our good friendship damaged because of it, he is looking for flats as we speak, but cannot stay the night here ever because we are shit scared of looking like we are fraudulent again.

So, im dying of exhaustion. I cant handle any more. I know my son will wake every 30 minutes tonight, I have no friends or family within 2 hours who can help (and even if they were near I doubt they could) he one and only person who at least supported me now cant because we are scaredof getting into shit.

Im worried Im going to scream at my son tonight. What if I totally lose it?

Im fucking desperate. My life is absolute hell, I feel physically and mentally damaged by the tiredness, the illness, my sons problems and the crying and screaming in pain day in day out.

I love my sons. I absolutely hate my life.

gamerchick Wed 02-Oct-13 17:36:09

No your kids won't be taken away.. that's not the only purpose of social services. You sound at the end of your rope and probably can do with a leg up.

You poor thing.. I'm so sorry sad

DontLetMeSuffercake Wed 02-Oct-13 17:37:06

Will they go on an 'at risk' register?

I dont want that.

Manchesterhistorygirl Wed 02-Oct-13 17:37:45

You poor thing. You sound bloody exhausted. I'm sure ss won't take your kids away, but see you're doing the best job you can and possibly help you? It's really not an area I know anything about, but I didn't want to read and run.

lljkk Wed 02-Oct-13 17:40:05

No, not at risk register unless you express desire to harm them or yourself.
Just giving up on being their parent is sane choice in comparison, when you're completely overwhelmed.
It does mean inviting them into your life to tell you silly ways to do things, but a small price to pay for the support you need.

Please do contact them. No, they won't be taken away, and I doubt they'll be put on the "at risk" register

What they could do is offer you some help, or respite, to help you cope

DontLetMeSuffercake Wed 02-Oct-13 17:42:04

No good God I dont want to hurt them. Right now ex is down stairs and the only thing stopping me walking out is that my body is too tired to walk anywhere.

I wouldnt walk away for ever.

I just want to walk to the nearest place that had a quiet bed and stay there for a day and a night.

Preciousbane Wed 02-Oct-13 17:42:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Norem Wed 02-Oct-13 17:42:50

Hi OP could not read and run, it all sounds massively difficult at the moment sad
Does your two year old go to nursery? If not could he?
If he could could you sleep during the day?
Is your health visitor any use?

FatAssPantaloons Wed 02-Oct-13 17:42:51

Could you ask SS about getting respite in view of your elder child's SN? Sorry things are so tough. I think asking for help is definitely a good idea.

insanityscratching Wed 02-Oct-13 17:43:56

You need to contact the Children With Disabilities Team at SS and ask for an assessment of your childrens' needs and also a Carers assessment for yourself. Their role is different to the child protection role.
It sounds horrendous, have you spoken to your GP and told them how you are suffering?

finallydelurking Wed 02-Oct-13 17:46:53

You poor thing. I doubt ss would take your kids, they're too understaffed to take the ones they should, they're not going to take 2 that have a loving Mum. Does your 2 year old qualify for free early years care? Hope things get better for you soon.

DontLetMeSuffercake Wed 02-Oct-13 17:48:38

Tbh the eldest SN are minor in comparison to the youngest. He can be very hard work at times but thankfully its much less often now.

I looked into nursery places the last time he had a bout of waking every 30 mins (in fact, it was even worse than that at one point) and they called me this week, they said at the start of November theres a place (after half term).

So thats something...

What is a carers assessment?

I havent told my GP recently no. Bouts of 'fuck im on my knees and not coping' happen about 2-3 times a year.

This is a pretty bad one because of feeling so bad because of the suspected RA.

ElleBelly Wed 02-Oct-13 17:49:09

They won't be taken from you and won't be considered at risk. It really sounds like you would benefit from an assessment of your circumstances and what support can be offered. They can also liaise between services and professionals and make referrals on your behalf. I really urge you to consider giving them a ring, it sounds a horrendous situation and I hope things improve for you soon.

DontLetMeSuffercake Wed 02-Oct-13 17:49:36

Im feeling more rational just sitting upstairs for 10 minutes in silence.

Thats the problem.

Theres never, every any time to just rest. Never.
Its day and night.

FatAssPantaloons Wed 02-Oct-13 17:51:05

I wonder if you'd be eligible for a disability nurse? Might be worth asking - my friend has one who helps coordinate support for her SN son.

gordyslovesheep Wed 02-Oct-13 17:52:47

call them - I did - I have done 3 times now - they haven't been much help though BUT my situation was no where near as awful as yours x

DameDeepRedBetty Wed 02-Oct-13 17:53:35

I very much doubt SS would do anything other than help you. Have you tried posting in the MN Special Needs board? It's hidden from Active Conversations, but you should be able to find it in All Topics. My dsis has had tremendous support there with dnephew.

DontLetMeSuffercake Wed 02-Oct-13 17:53:53

For my eldest? I wouldnt be. He has dyspraxia, its not severe autism or something constantly hard work. He hasnt even been officially diagnosed thanks to the 4 year waiting list. I was given some great links to help speed that up Ive not had the time or energy this academic year yet.

littlewhitebag Wed 02-Oct-13 17:55:33

You can approach ss for support and ask them to assess your situation. Is there a home start in your area? They would be able to offer you support. Your hv might be a better starting point. She should be able to refer you to the appropriate agencies for support.
I can assure you your children will not be placed on the at risk register unless there is more to your story than you have told us.

redgate Wed 02-Oct-13 17:57:46

As at least one of your kids has special needs, then you may be able to get some help, most children's services have a special team that provide support to families where a child is disabled/has significant SN, things like getting them into after school activities they could do, 'respite' care maybe just for a couple of hours, or possibly longer so you can get a break, help with grants/benefits, referrals to other people that can help. They might do an assessment, to work out what help you need - they are not there to try to take your kids away (that is a last resort if there are serious problems that put them at risk)

You could also ask for a carer's assessment, looking at what your needs are (they focus primarily on the kids) or see if there is a carer's centre or support service in your area.

If you just want someone to come round, chat to you and give bits of advice, then home start (if there is one near you) are great, you would get a volunteer, who could come and see you regularly so you don't feel as isolated and they give advice/support.

MrsDeVere Wed 02-Oct-13 17:57:52

You need a two year nursery place for the little one.
Do you have a children's centre near by? They should have outreach workers who have arrange this and some support for you.

Social services won't take your kids away but unfortunately because you are not at that point it is not that likely they will do much to help either.

In our borough you would be referred to the Early Intervention and Prevention team. You should get a family support worker who can key work for you and pull together the services you need.

I don't know what its like in your area but at them moment, here, you wouldn't get a Children with Disabilities SW.

If you happen to be in East London please PM and I will do my best to help.

redgate Wed 02-Oct-13 17:59:10

Sorry it took me so long to type my answer there were several x posts! Home Start are great.

ExcuseTypos Wed 02-Oct-13 18:02:03

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think SS will help you, not take your dc away. You have so much on your plate and need help.

Could your X come around more during the day so that you can catch up on sleep?
Get some ear plugs, put them in and rest for a few hours. Knowing you'll be getting a few hours catch up sleep might make some difference.

MrsDeVere Wed 02-Oct-13 18:02:28

If you want to chat, PM me too.

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