aibu to be so upset - Weekend plans ruined by relatives 'forgetting' promises of childcare.

(25 Posts)
extralazymum Wed 02-Oct-13 14:46:36

2 weeks ago it was all arranged - I've never been able to do the 4 times a year weekend trips before as had no childcare to cover it.

This time I thought I was able to sort out childcare. Relatives were doing one day, the next day was partner and then I was returning early.

I was so looking forward to it.

I'm going to have to phone up and cancel my place.

I feel so let down -I thought there were no problems. If I say I will do something then I don't let people down at the last minute!
Although - now I will let my team down at the last minute! They will need to find someone else to cover for me.

I feel so angry with them -they would be doing me a favor but they have let me down. They don't even care they've let me down. My partner doesn't want me to go anyway.

Dahlen Wed 02-Oct-13 14:55:53

That's crap. I'm sorry. sad

Is there no one else who can help out?

Why doesn't your partner want you to go?

BrokenSunglasses Wed 02-Oct-13 15:01:28

Why can't your partner do it?

CoffeeTea103 Wed 02-Oct-13 15:03:07

When did you find out they won't be able to do the child care ?

Blu Wed 02-Oct-13 15:08:51

That's REALLY crap.

Is your partner the child/rens father?

Just go and leave him or her to it!

How old are the DC? Is there a friend they can go and stay overnight with?

extralazymum Wed 02-Oct-13 15:55:53

My partner is working nights so he would have to get a day off to look after our daughter who's 5 - which we can't afford.

He wants us to spend the day together anyway but we do that every weekend and its not as if I get out much as we can never afford anything.

This is a work paid for social/training/very minor work event. It is tiring but fun.
I found out Tuesday they'd forgotten but was hoping to sort out alternative childcare today. I failed.

I just want a break from family life for a few days. I feel like I need 'me' time. Is it so wrong to want a bit of freedom from constant family demands.

I don't really trust many people to look after my daughter for so long - it needs to be close friends and family that she is accustomed to so that I don't worry.

The relatives don't really approve of the weekends - I don't get paid for it and it's not something they'd enjoy doing themselves and I don't have to go.

I don't believe they've forgotten, I think they've purposely ruined my plans as they think I shouldn't be doing unpaid work related activities at my families expense. I should spent all my spare time with my family.

Blu Wed 02-Oct-13 16:32:07

angry for you, OP - your family are outrageous.

And no, it isn't unreasonable to want a little time to yourself or focus on your work and personal development - or do what the hell you like. It is mean and judgemental of them to try and control what you do in your own time by the granting or witholding of favours. This would be your DP's family, I take it, given his general lack of support for the weekend?

Can you make a point of building a friendship with a family of one of DD's friends, and do reciprocal childcare? Lots of children do start doing sleepovers with good friends at 5, as long as they know the mum and child really well and have been to play lots and lots.

WilsonFrickett Wed 02-Oct-13 16:36:46

That's a ridiculous attitude from your relatives!

Now your dd is 5, I presume she's at school? Can you start putting yourself out there with DD's friends' parents, have children over to play, etc. Bank yourself some favours, so that the next time this comes up you will be able to call them in and get childcare which isn't from your relatives.

That said. Why are you with someone who won't stand up for you in the face of controlling relatives?

gamerchick Wed 02-Oct-13 16:37:49

Is this your partners family? I would think that he's put the kybosh on that.

I would be telling him to stick his family day up his arse.. leave the bairn with him and take yourself out for the day for some you time.

Groovee Wed 02-Oct-13 16:50:43

Can dh not get the time off and look after your daughter?

oscarwilde Wed 02-Oct-13 17:11:16

You could tell them that it is too late to cancel and now you will have to pay for your unused place?
Does participation in these weekend things help work networking, send right message, give training, aid promotion prospects ?
Can you take your daughter? Not ideal but perhaps there is a kids club at the hotel clutches at straws

All in all, it's shit and I would be v v pee'd off. Book yourself in for the next weekend now, and tell your partner that he has to arrange to be off work for the whole weekend.

extralazymum Wed 02-Oct-13 17:17:34

It is my partners family so I imagine they are aware he doesn't want me to go. Weekends are family time as far as they are concerned although his visits to the pub while I'm at home don't seem to count.

I've had a go at my partner about them and he's having a word with them when he gets home; he thinks they've genuinely forgotten. He's not able to get time off work at short notice and now he's asked at work he can't pull a sickie.

I feel like I'm overreacting to everything these days. I feel so stressed about minor things and can't work out solutions that sometimes are really obvious.

I'm trying to encourage friendships but I'm struggling with time constraints.

Loa Wed 02-Oct-13 17:19:00

don't believe they've forgotten, I think they've purposely ruined my plans

Yea I had this from my own parents - last minute can't help then seem very disappointed if we still manage to go ahead or almost pleased if we can't.

Now you know they aren't reliable.

Talk to your DH about wanting some time away.

With my DH it was confidence - on the few occasional I had to be somewhere so he had to have the DC seemed to get him over it now he actually looks forward to doing stuff him and DC so I get more of a break.

It is shit about this event though.

Loa Wed 02-Oct-13 17:21:50

Can you make sure he books the next event like this off - so you don't have this issue again? Insist upon it maybe while they are all in the wrong.

QualityScout Wed 02-Oct-13 17:25:15

Well now you know, dust yourself off and put reliable plans in place for next time.

Leave DP wih the kids and go out for the day.

You will go nuts without some me time

extralazymum Wed 02-Oct-13 17:48:43

I can go! - he's phoned them at work and got it sorted.

I'm so looking forward to a few days away and no cooking or cleaning or being responsible for anyone but myself.

Of course - it's people from work so I'll probably end up helping drunken employees find their shoes and handbags at the end of the first evening..

extralazymum Wed 02-Oct-13 17:52:10

I don't care.... it may be my shoes and handbag this time...

MairzyDoats Wed 02-Oct-13 17:55:23

Yippeee! It's time away, so it doesn't matter. Make sure when you come back that you are an angel of loveliness, so that he can see how much good it does you (and therefore your home and family) when you get a well earned break!

WilsonFrickett Wed 02-Oct-13 19:28:44

yay! Good news.

Bamboobambino Wed 02-Oct-13 19:33:19

Fantastic. Time away from the daily grind is precious indeed!

oscarwilde Thu 03-Oct-13 14:28:38

Oh good for you and your DH. Bet his family are magically available to help him out though.... angry

kerala Thu 03-Oct-13 14:36:06

Good for you. Still haven't forgiven in laws pulling out of childcare for my sisters child free wedding. Obv all my family were there and I was bridesmaid! I asked them minths in advance but they pulled out because their house was on the market and they "might have paperwork" ( house still not sold 3 years later).

I was so hurt we never ask them for anything they were recently retired and in great health and my dds are super easy to look after. I know it's their right to say no but for me this was last straw. Luckily my lovely friend had both girls all weekend.

StanleyLambchop Thu 03-Oct-13 14:38:45

Glad you finally got it sorted. I love a thread with a happy ending!

Blu Fri 04-Oct-13 00:19:15

Well done OP, I am very pleased that you will be going.

And hopefully your DH will see from this that being a family means taking care of each others' interests and needs and supporting them - and that your appreciation of his teamwork will be better for your relationship than insisting you stay home for 'family time' ...doing more of same in the housework / childcare department!

extralazymum Thu 10-Oct-13 13:16:13

Had a great evening and early morning at the weekend but then came home even earlier than I was going to as I missed my family....

I was really pleased I could go, but it wasn't that relaxing and I eventually wanted some alone time and not team building with work colleagues.

We had a bit of a strange attitude from my partners parents when we next saw them as I think he'd had strong words with them.

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