To put this complaint in writing and cc headmistress in as well?

(66 Posts)
Sparklysilversequins Mon 30-Sep-13 15:58:30

Dd is in year 2. She also has ASD. There's been a few niggles and last week she told me a particular boy in the year below had punched her in the neck. Today she has come out barely holding it together and tells me that the same boys group of friends (all boys) dragged her over to this boy, where he was waiting and spat a mouthful of water into her face, then smacked her in the side of the head and ear.

She didn't manage to hold it together after she told me and melted down in the playground in front of all the other parents and teachers.

So I am not letting this go its not just play ground high spirits. She had this water out of his mouth all over her face and clothes and was devastated. She has sensory issues so the clothes thing is a big deal to her.

Quite frankly I am foaming right now so I will wait till later before firing off intemperate emails. Can't really get her teacher on one side for a chat as handover is always so busy.

How would you handle this?

JohnnyFontaneCannaeSing Tue 01-Oct-13 21:21:15

Well done. X

nennypops Tue 01-Oct-13 14:07:51

Sparkly, if possible take someone with you to the meeting who can take notes, and afterwards write or email them with your understanding of what has been agreed in terms of support for dd and the steps they are going to take to make sure there is no repetition. It is important to have everything in writing and I wouldn't necessarily rely on the school to keep an accurate record.

Sparklysilversequins Tue 01-Oct-13 13:56:44

I hope that happens for us lemonlies.

Dd's Dad (my ex) who is very articulate called them as well, which is good because he always manages to keep a cool head and has a great head for detail and recognising bullshit grin. I can write fab letters but can't express myself very well verbally, he is the opposite. It was nice to be a team for once.

mumofthemonsters808 Tue 01-Oct-13 13:55:15

Sparkly so glad you are being taken seriously, I hope they come back to you quickly with the outcome from the meeting.

Sparklysilversequins Tue 01-Oct-13 13:50:56

We are going to be Ginger smile.

LemonLies Tue 01-Oct-13 13:50:02

So glad the school are taking things seriously now you have put things in writing. So sad to think of your dd thinking you'd stopped putting the bits of lunch in that the other girl was taking. sad I really hope this is the start of your dd being taken better care of from now on. My dd went through an unhappy patch at the beginning of year one and once i had sent an email with the concerns (which were to do with the playground only, she was happy in class and with the teachers) her CT and the school went above and beyond the call of duty to help her. I was so grateful.

Pagwatch Tue 01-Oct-13 13:47:52

Thàt looks really promising Sparkly
Good luck.

gingermop Tue 01-Oct-13 13:47:17

if there having a meeting about ur dd u should b there and u have a right to b

edam Tue 01-Oct-13 13:42:25

Great. So glad the head is taking this seriously and is taking the right action. Hope it all works properly and dd starts to feel much safer and more confident.

Sparklysilversequins Tue 01-Oct-13 13:39:42

Maybe she's on MN?! Because I've had a call back now and it's being dealt with plus all concerned parties including SENco, CT, HT etc are meeting to discuss how to move forward. So that's about as good as I can hope for to get started with I think.

Thanks for all your advice, I can't tell you how much it helped to make me feel strong for dd and give a way to go forward with it. I love MN grin!

edam Tue 01-Oct-13 13:34:52

If the head doesn't come back to you today, I would go into school tomorrow, taking a copy of your letter, and insist on seeing the head. Use your letter as a basis for the conversation and a reminder to you of all the points you want to make.

The school has a duty to keep your dd safe. The head now knows what is happening and has no excuse for not dealing with it PDQ.

I am sorry you DD is going through this. It is so hard to hand your child over into someone else's care, when you don't believe they will be looked after. sad

Sparklysilversequins Tue 01-Oct-13 12:23:32

Well left two phone messages and left a letter this morning. I have yet to be responded to angry.

Sparklysilversequins Mon 30-Sep-13 22:34:52

Thanks everyone so much. finola your post is very useful and helps me to articulate some of my concerns. I have written a two page A4 letter. I didn't realise I was so hacked off! Poor dd. I will not let this lie.

northlight Mon 30-Sep-13 21:12:30

Try to see the head in the morning but please don't worry if s/he wants to make an appointment for later. This kind of thing should really be dealt with thoroughly rather than having a rushed interaction. Your daughter's needs must be addressed properly.

Finola1step Mon 30-Sep-13 21:05:38

Hi Sequins. I'm really sorry to hear that your daughter is having such a horrid time. I'm an Assistant Head in a primary school and we have a number of children on the ASD spectrum in our mainstream classes. I must say that it sounds like the school communication is simply not up to scratch.

Firstly, the mid day meals supervisors should be reporting such incidents to the class teachers. It should have been a staff member who spoke to you today, not your daughter telling you what happened. The SENCo should have been in touch with you in response to your requests let alone the fact that your daughter has a diagnosis. So the whole communication chain sounds pretty poor to me.

Therefore, you are right to raise this issue in writing. Keep a copy of all letters you send in. Email works well because there is a clear communication trail (or no trail as could be the case!). Go straight to the Head on this one because there are a range of connected issues here that are beyond the control of the class teacher.

You are absolutely right to complain. You are absolutely right to be your daughter's advocate. What the boys did to her was very wrong and should not be tolerated.

mummytime Mon 30-Sep-13 20:54:52

I would also contact both your local parent partnership and the NAS for advice and support.

I'm afraid you are going to have to fight for your children. School is there to support children emotionally and socially as well as educationally (this is set down by law).

Mumsyblouse Mon 30-Sep-13 20:54:26

What I did when my dd was bullied one day was go in 20 minutes early and explained I needed to see the class teacher before school about an urgent matter. We then had a very productive meeting and lots of action was taken (boy was on report anyway even in Y1!) This relied on a really proactive class teacher, but it's a starting point and I always think a personal dialogue is more effective as a starting point than a formal letter.

Sparklysilversequins Mon 30-Sep-13 20:45:49

Ok, this is what I am going to do. I am very good at writing letters, reports etc so I am going to write a letter tonight putting all my concerns in writing and hand it in at the office tomorrow, asking for an appointment at the same time. I will also tell her CT what happened in the approx five seconds I get to speak with her.

What do you think?

FortyDoorsToNowhere Mon 30-Sep-13 20:42:45

Go and see the head teacher.

I never speak to the class teacher with regards to DS ASD on the change over because the other parents are very nosy and I don't want want them knowing my sons medical history. The head teacher or his teacher will book an appointment.

WilsonFrickett Mon 30-Sep-13 20:28:21

It's completely up to you whether you keep her off or not. My DS has definite potential to be a school refuser so I don't tend to keep him off - I don't want him to even think that's an option iyswim. However his issues don't include bullying to this level.

And yes, you can absolutely have her support tailored in to the playground/lunch/social issues part of the day rather than the classroom if she's doing OK in class. But I guess you'll have to make more fuss if that's what DD needs, because the CT won't be 'seeing' those issues.

Trigglesx Mon 30-Sep-13 20:13:37

Definitely tell the SENCO that it seems she needs support during these times. I would also point out very clearly that this group of boys dragged her over to the boy - so it's not just one child but a group of children - they ALL should be spoken to.

Nanny0gg Mon 30-Sep-13 20:07:55

You absolutely can! Get the SenCo involved and get started on Ed Psych assessment (won't happen overnight).

Just because she's okay academically and doesn't cause any problems in the class it doesn't mean that she doesn't need some support/plans put in place.

Sparklysilversequins Mon 30-Sep-13 19:26:23

I am going through the Head. I've been thinking about this and it has become clear to me that dd cannot advocate for herself at school. There have been a number of incidents now eg a child was taking the nice parts of dd's lunch, cake and half a sandwich etc. this went on for weeks before dd thought to tell me and even then she didn't realise. She thought the other girl had started having the same cake as her and I had stopped giving that cake to dd sad. Other stuff as well that I won't go into here but one involved her becoming very anxious about a casually expressed rule to the point where she literally couldn't eat a bite of her lunch.

Can I ask for support with this for dd? Academically and behaviourally she has no issues and this is why she is being left to flounder elsewhere. She simply doesn't draw attention to herself no matter how awful she's feeling.

Nanny0gg Mon 30-Sep-13 19:06:37

I disagree hippo123

It needs to go to the HT.

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