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AIBU?

To put this complaint in writing and cc headmistress in as well?

65 replies

Sparklysilversequins · 30/09/2013 15:58

Dd is in year 2. She also has ASD. There's been a few niggles and last week she told me a particular boy in the year below had punched her in the neck. Today she has come out barely holding it together and tells me that the same boys group of friends (all boys) dragged her over to this boy, where he was waiting and spat a mouthful of water into her face, then smacked her in the side of the head and ear.

She didn't manage to hold it together after she told me and melted down in the playground in front of all the other parents and teachers.

So I am not letting this go its not just play ground high spirits. She had this water out of his mouth all over her face and clothes and was devastated. She has sensory issues so the clothes thing is a big deal to her.

Quite frankly I am foaming right now so I will wait till later before firing off intemperate emails. Can't really get her teacher on one side for a chat as handover is always so busy.

How would you handle this?

OP posts:

Report

RedHelenB · 30/09/2013 16:00

I would have gone right into school after the meltdown in the playground to get to the bottom of what had happened and when it happened. First thing tomorrow morning I would ask to see the head.

BoundandRebound · 30/09/2013 16:01

I would be on the phone now to head

And I would follow up meeting in writing

That is bullying and a lack in standard of care

Tee2072 · 30/09/2013 16:02

Email? Heck no, straight into school tomorrow to speak to the head.

Sparklysilversequins · 30/09/2013 16:02

I couldn't go straight in, she was in pieces and I also had my older child with me who also has ASD. You're probably right that I should have though .

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manicinsomniac · 30/09/2013 16:03

How I would handle would depend on what was done at the time to be honest.

Did your daughter tell anyone? If so, what was the response and was your daughter adequetely calmed and the boys dealt with. If the response was good then I would not be angry and would take no further action. If not then yes, I would email the headmistress asking to meet and discuss the matter.
If your daughter didn't tell anyone did anyone notice? If they did then as above - how was it dealt with? My reactions would be as number 1, depending on how satisfied I was.
If nobody noticed then why not? Was your daughter in obvious distress and ignored? If so then I would be fuming mad and email school straightaway demanding to see the head.
If nobody noticed because your daughter didn't show her distress then I wouldn't be angry at all, I would simply inform the school what had happened and expect them to deal with it.

wheretoyougonow · 30/09/2013 16:04

This is not acceptable. Call and make an appointment with the head tomorrow. Sorry to hear she is having a rotten time and for you as it is hard to see them so upset.

Sparklysilversequins · 30/09/2013 16:05

She told a dinner lady who told the boy that he must never do it again. I don't feel that's enough though. It's part of a bigger picture really where I feel that her ASD is ignored because she functions well at school then melts down when she comes out and attacks her brother and I.

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Nanny0gg · 30/09/2013 16:06

No, you were right not to go in I think - your children needed calming.

Be in school as early as you can with a list of points so that you forget nothing.

Then put in writing after the meeting to confirm the steps the school are going to take to put things right.

If you are not satisfied, do the above, copying in CoG and Governor responsible for SEN and Safeguarding.

Good luck - I hope it works out for your DD.

Sparklysilversequins · 30/09/2013 16:06

She told a dinner lady last week when he punched her and he was told he must never do it again then as well .

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Tee2072 · 30/09/2013 16:07

No, I think not going in then was the right thing to do.

But I would be straight in in the morning.

RedHelenB · 30/09/2013 16:09

Bear in mind this is a 5 year old boy we are talking about so such behaviour should be nipped in the bud by a talking to by the Head.

JohnnyFontaneCannaeSing · 30/09/2013 16:11

I would have not left the premises before talking to the head. As u have I would phone school first thing and ask for morning meeting with the head express this meeting has to take place before your child enters her classroom. Do not be fobbed off.

mumofthemonsters808 · 30/09/2013 16:12

Awh don't blame yourself for not acting immediately, it's so busy at home time sometimes it simply is not possible to go in, especially if you have another child with you. I was always in a state of shock and before I knew it the teacher had disappeared and doors were locked by the time I'd got my act together. I would give the classroom teacher the opportunity to sort this out, if I was still unhappy then I'd go to the Head. I'd ring up and make an appointment for tomorrow. Your poor daughter, unacceptable behaviour from the boys that needs dealing with immediately.

kawliga · 30/09/2013 16:16

I agree with the other posters about the steps you can take to fix this. Keep at it and don't give up. It's not about complaining at all, more that you need to be the advocate for your child. Approach it as 'what can be done to make sure this doesn't happen again' not as a complaint. I wouldn't worry about emails and letters I would be there on their case all the time (hopefully you have time to do this in person). The thing about putting things in writing, it makes it look like a 'complaint' and I don't think that approach would be the best in this situation. It might make the school staff defensive which is not what you're trying to achieve here. You just want to put your dd on their radar so they look out for her, make sure she's happy, make sure they keep an eye on her all the time. They can't watch all the kids, so do what you can to make a special case for your dd. I've seen some mums do this and it really works. By the way, don't bother with the head. Start with whomever is most likely to be able to have an eye on your child for the greatest part of the day.

So sorry for your dd, hope she is ok. They spend so much time at school it's horrendous if school is not a happy and safe place for them.

manicinsomniac · 30/09/2013 16:24

The response was definitely not enough, if it is as your daughter describes. I would definitely be in to ask for clarification.

Sparklysilversequins · 30/09/2013 16:28

So would you try to speak to just her teacher first? Or straight to headmistress?

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WilsonFrickett · 30/09/2013 16:32

I'm sure the correct process is to raise it with the CT but how are you going to do that - it's hardly the sort of thing you can discuss in two minutes at handover. So I would be in to see the head first thing, on the lines of: this is a continuing incident, while I appreciate it may be helpful to wait and see the CT I understand she has teaching time this morning and I don't feel it can wait as it is a bullying and safeguarding issue.

As a mum with experience of SN I would both do this in person and follow everything up with a 'here is what we agreed' email afterwards. You hopefully won't need a paper trail, but in case you do...

Sparklysilversequins · 30/09/2013 16:35

Thanks wilson that's what I was thinking. Handover is always so busy that somehow things just get minimised by being blurted out in thirty seconds.

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PortHills · 30/09/2013 16:35

I just imagine if my DS had done this to a fellow pupil. I would be completely off the chart livid. When i was at school, a boy once did something mean to a friend, and he had to write a letter of apology for his actions overseen by the head, which his parents had to sign to show they were aware, and then was given to the girl in question. It was scandal, everyone knowing that all the parents knew etc.

Spitting in someone's face is revolting behaviour. I'd be tempted to ask for a letter of apology from the boy via the school, and ask that his parents made aware. I would want to know if it had been mine.

But maybe I'm just out of touch with how things are done nowadays.... Ad maybe I'm a bit strict? Don't know. Interesting to see what others think.

Appreciate it's about putting your DD first.

Tuppenceinred · 30/09/2013 16:38

Make an appointment to see the Head. Ask them to have a copy of the school behaviour policy, and any anti-bullying policy they have ready for you to collect on the way in.
As it sounds as if the Headteacher has no idea about this at the moment, don't go in "foaming" - just go in calmly and rationally, explain what's been happening and find out what they will do to stop it.

Tuppenceinred · 30/09/2013 16:39

(the policies might even be available on the school website).

clam · 30/09/2013 16:41

Might be worth trying to phone the Head now. She'll still be there, although you might have to negotiate the school answerphone.

WilsonFrickett · 30/09/2013 16:41

You have to kind of take the attitude that you are both on the same side; that they'd want to know about this asap (to be fair, a good school would want to know about it asap).

So it's not going in with all guns blazing, it's 'I'm sure you'll be as shocked to hear about this as I was, what's your impression of what's going on, how do we support DD, how do we make sure it doesn't happen again.'

HT will have to go and speak to the CT or playground supervisors of course, you'd expect that. And don't expect to hear what they're doing to address the boy's behaviour.

So calm, clear, spirit of co-operation.

Come back to me if you need to complain later though

I hope DD is OK ((hugs))

bearleftmonkeyright · 30/09/2013 16:42

The midday shouldve informed the teacher that this had happened IMO. Thi

bearleftmonkeyright · 30/09/2013 16:44

Sorry, this is something I do as a midday. The teacher is aware and can then deal with it. I hope you sort it out. Horrible behavior and not acceptable.

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