to feel that seeing this doctor is too daunting for DD

(22 Posts)

So as not to dripfeed in Reception my DD was weighed like all the other pupils in her class and I received a letter stating she was very obese.
I saw the school nurse and asked about what we could do. They chose to weigh her once a term until last summer when they decided she was gaining weight at a steady rate so it was ok.
However I tried to tell them that she seemed to eat everything. I mean EVERYTHING. Mouldy bread waiting to go outside to the bin. Sticks of butter, tubs of margarine, raw potato, uncooked pastry anything. She hides it too. It got so bad that we have had to buy a cable lock, like you'd use on a bike, to lock the fridge.
Right now to the point. ..after 2 years of nagging for help I got to see a paediatrician. He said she was fat because I fed her too much (told him all about her compulsive eating) but if I wanted he'd do some blood tests. He rang 2 weeks later explaining there was a genetic abnormality and that several specialists wanted to see her. We are due to see the geneticist today. We saw an endocrinologist last week. They have done no further tests on her. I realise they need to see her to asess her but they then go on to talk loudly about how big her tummy is, how she is generally obese etc. She said after the last appointment. Im too fat aren't I Mammy? I feel like they could get her to play elsewhere so we could talk without causing her unnecessary hang ups about food and appearance etcat 6 years old.

DeepPurple Mon 30-Sep-13 13:13:00

Ask them if she could go play outside the room after they have examined her? Or could you take someone with you that can take her out of the room so you can discuss in private?

It sounds horrible for both of you. Good luck with your appointment.

WilsonFrickett Mon 30-Sep-13 13:16:10

Take someone with you and get them to take DD out after the examination then. My DS has SN and I have to do this now he can hear what they're saying about him.

CailinDana Mon 30-Sep-13 13:16:44

Yes definitely. Ask what the purpose of the consultation is. If there are students in the room ask them to leave, your daughter isn't a science experiment and ask that any discussion is done out of your daughter's earshot. If they do start discussing her get up to leave.

IceBeing Mon 30-Sep-13 13:17:22

I would expect professionals to have found a way to discuss this without causing issues with the child, either by having her out of the room or just by modifying their jeffing language.

I would have a word with them first, before you let DD in the room with them about it.

FlapJackFlossie Mon 30-Sep-13 13:19:34

When my son had to see the Paediatrician I would take him in so the Paed could see/talk to him. Then my son would go outside and play while I voiced my concerns, and discussed his condition, etc. etc. Perhaps you could try that.

MaidOfStars Mon 30-Sep-13 13:30:11

I work in Genetic Medicine and the consultants I work with are really good at this. Imagine the difference between a GP/similar telling you off a little for having an obese child and a consultant/genetic counsellor telling you what's wrong with your child in a non-judgmental fashion (because it's a genetic thing). You may (I hope) be surprised at how sensitive they are.

my DD is under the endocrinologist (precocious puberty) and i have found her manner to be similar to how you have described despite anything i have to say. she went on about how tall my DD is and how out of proportion her weight is (higher than average) etc whilst i was explaining that this issue didnt even come about until she started on her epilepsy medication which is literally a glucose syrup. She was always a little tall for her age but on 99th percentile and was the same for weight - always has been from birth and the growth spiked significantly in the 6 months after her diagnosis. each time her medication has been increased her weight jumps up and then stabilises. Im not going to claim her diet is the perfect picture of healthiness but it is normal and well balanced and has always been the same. I found her to be offensive and judgmental but they only see the "overweight" child in front of them and not the home life etc.

Go and see the geneticists as it will help you to understand your DD and may help the doctors adjust their attitudes aswell.

good luck smile

Thanks for the replies. DH is taking a couple of hours out of work to come along as we are worried about our little girl. Perhaps he or I can take her out if the conversation goes that way.. The poor little thing is getting bullied at school already.
Really hope there is some practical help too. Last doc (endocrine) was lovely and promised to set up dieticians, activity workshops and so on once all initial apts are out the way.

clam Mon 30-Sep-13 14:00:12

I agree that they probably could be more tactful in their dealings with you. But your thread title implies that you might be thinking about ditching the sessions because they're too distressing for your dd?

Please don't!! For her sake. And whilst they should wrap up what they're saying a bit more, the bottom line is that, even with an underlying medical problem, she does need to begin to know that she can help herself deal with it and how. In an age-appropriate way, of course.

Good luck with it all.

op it sounds horrible, sorry you are going through this

but in all honesty if your daughter is compulsively eating mouldy food and butter, and is very obese, you are past the point of worrying that she'll develop hang ups about/an unhealthy relationship with food

(I speak as someone who has had serious eating disorders)

outtolunchagain Mon 30-Sep-13 14:04:57

This is a real bug bear of mine , ds2 has lots of medical appointments and absolutely hates being spoken about like this .Every time you see a new person they want to go over the history again and again and make inappropriate comments etc.

We now make sure ds can wait outside but when he was smaller one of us would take him out whilst the other spoke to the doctor.

Our GP is fantastic , when he sees ds's name on his list he will often call for a chat first and will call after the appointment to tell me what he didn't feel he could say in front on ds .

CailinDana Mon 30-Sep-13 14:05:47

Are they suggesting Prader-Willi syndrome?

MaidOfStars Mon 30-Sep-13 14:22:18

CailinDana That was my immediate thought. OP?

I assure everyone that I won't ditch the appointments. Looking at the title I see how it might have come across that way. I need to helpmy little girl that comes above everything. I just think they could sort a way that you can take the child out of the adults conversation part.
And yes DD is eating weird things but her self confidence is low enough I dont want it to go the other way and in a ciuple if years have an anorexic 8 year old.

surely OP if she is eating raw potato and uncooked pastry, it's not just a question of seeing a nutritionist, and she's not going to end up anorexic? I mean, there must be something physiological going on?

MissWimpyDimple Mon 30-Sep-13 15:09:24

Are they testing for PWS? My cousin has this and is now in her 30s so I have seen the progression.

If it is PWS then the poor thing won't really have any choice about her eating and it will be up to others to help her. My cousin has only managed to get her eating under control in the last few years.

Having said that it is rarely not accompanied by other problems so I do think you would know that other things are wrong.

bigbluebus Mon 30-Sep-13 15:42:09

Is the appointment being held at a hospital where there is a childrens in-patient ward? If so, they should have Play Therapists who can sometimes be used to occupy the child patient whilst they are having treatment (in or out patient), so it might be worth asking if they can entertain your DD whilst you, DH and the Doctor discuss her condition. It is not nice for a child to hear and only half understand what is being said about them as they can jump to the wrong conclusions.

heart yes there is something physiological ... there's a genetic abnormality. I know now what this means. The geneticist was brilliant. He talked to DD but was prepared for her anxiety which showed. She had to stay in the appointment. I had to have a blood test so did she so to prepare her he did mine first and explained everything.
Its definitely not PWS. But it could be a part of what is wrong.

Sorry that wasnt clear...
It's not PWS but the abnormality that IS present could be causing the overeating.

Poor little mite- I hope you get help, do push for it if you have to, for your daughters sake.

I will keep pushing. I should be getting some help in the form of activities for her. That should help.

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