To feel sad my house doesn't do dinner parties??

(96 Posts)
bordellosboheme Sun 29-Sep-13 18:08:37

When I was a girl I wanted to grow up and live in an elegant house and throw dinger parties.

However, I have ended up in a house without a dining room.... A small kitchen, and so I've not invited anyone round to dinner in 5 years.

My next door neighbours do this every weekend..... I feel sad.....

NotCitrus Mon 07-Oct-13 09:48:41

Excellent news - your friend clearly felt welcome!

I've had parties over the years where I've been too ill to do anything - a couple lovely friends help tidy up before and after (one feels bad she can't afford to bring anything, but can clean a bit), I provide wine and ten quid or so for someone to go to the supermarket round the corner. Works OK even if my inner Nigella is a bit miffed!

Must organise another one...

bordellosboheme Mon 07-Oct-13 10:07:47

Love the idea of an inner nigella...... smile we all have one I reckon grin

Mumsyblouse Mon 07-Oct-13 10:18:20

Great about your first meal in your house with friends. Can I just say that I have stopped worrying so much about tidying as I used to, otherwise the whole party thing can be exhausting. I found it hard to have people over when the floors aren't that clean etc, but if you do a whole house clean and cooking, it's too much, whereas if you just sweep up the worst and clean the table you are sitting at, and cook pasta and pesto, it's all a lot easier and more relaxed.

bordellosboheme Mon 07-Oct-13 11:58:22

Good advice mumsyblouse I was freaking knackered after all that cleaning!

Jaynebxl Tue 08-Oct-13 07:24:03

Yes, mumsy is right. So long as there's somewhere to sit and somewhere to eat I'm not bothered any more, and I don't think my guests are either. Well done op.

valiumredhead Tue 08-Oct-13 09:38:33

Yeah I agree about relaxing about the cleaning, as long as the bathroom is clean it's finesmile

whois Tue 08-Oct-13 11:27:22

Yeah I agree about relaxing about the cleaning, as long as the bathroom is clean it's fine

Until we got a cleaner, dinner parties and friends staying were the only time the bathroom DID get a proper clean! :-)

bordellosboheme Tue 08-Oct-13 14:57:03

Lol about cleaning grin I'm a bit obsessive in theory not practice though you can clean and clean and for ages in our house and it never looks 100% clean... It's the fittings and finish that need updating. I'm slowly working on it.

I need a bit more coaching from you guys! After the success of the weekend I thought I would try to ask a mum back for soup after our local play group..... I made a lovely parsnip soup this am and some home made (in a breadmaker bread). However ds had me up at 5 am and last night dp was rather hostile and argumentative about a silly trivial matter and so I lost my nerve at inviting anyone over (hes at work but i am just tired)!

There seems to be bad timing at the moment. Whenever someone asks me to do something socially I have prebooked something more boring I can't get out of! Cos I work part time I don't get much time to socialise and spend a lot if time feeling argh!

I'm wondering if the problem is dp a bit here. When we argue it really jolts my confidence and then I think I come across to others as a bit socially awkward....

Sorry for the ramble!

Dilidali Wed 09-Oct-13 06:45:05

Hey, don't let him! Please, it is just wasting time and happiness. I know how easy it can be: have an argument, feel down, shut yourself from the others.

I didn't use to have a single friend here, apart from my DH. I got introduced and somehow accepted into his group of friends, but they were never my friends. To give you an example or two: their idea of meeting up is a dinner in a restaurant, no children. My idea of meeting up is everybody brings a pot of something and we eat while the kids run a riot. I enjoy reading, I can get quite enthusiastic about a book, and trying to discuss this with my DH's friends was met with slight smirks:glad you have time to read, we don't. I don't honestly know WHAT they enjoy doing, in 18 years I am yet to find a common point. But I am going along to these meets and make polite conversation and I do care about them and saw their kids grow up, but that's about it, really.
So I used to get quite lonely. So then I had my own group of friends, much more up my street, joined a book club, a swimming club, we go to art galleries, doesn't matter, we have things in common and we enjoy each other's company and have done so for years. My DH refused to join in initially, so we led parallel lives for a while. I would make an effort every time his friends were involved, I was the pretty, funny, easy going wife of X (my DH's words, not mine), my DH would be the morose snubby husband of Dilidali (again, his words, not mine) because he didn't know my friends from Adam, didn't grow up with them and quite frankly, he had friends, didn't need new ones.

In the end he had to go with what made me happy, I was very patient, but also never tried to either force my friends on him, or let him force his friends on me. I would quite swiftly sort out clashes with a simple: that's quite alright, I'll go on my own to X and you go to Y, see you at home later on. We'd meet up afterwards and fill each other in over a cup of tea at 1am.

What I am saying is in an ideal world these things would come naturally. In my world that was b****y hard work and had to be carefully orchestrated. We now have a good social life that involves both of us most of the time, also we have times when we socialise on our own. But it wasn't always a given.

Things I wish my mother taught me, eh?

Khaleese Wed 09-Oct-13 07:08:34

What a good thread!
I like informal dinner gatherings, lots of picky, help yourself type food.

I'm not stressy about mess at parties and can relax. I have a sil who moans about the mess the entire party. Kind of ruins it as you feel unwelcome, she's not an natural hostess.

I had a huge coffee table when I lived in a tiny flat, four stools, candles and it was super cosy.

Talkinpeace Wed 09-Oct-13 11:26:06

One of the most fun parties I did was around the island in my kitchen (pic on my profile) : tray after tray of nibbles and canapes (all from lidl) into the oven, then out onto the island .... drinks served from the table behind the camera.
People arrived and left at different times and the food and conversation flowed, but as it was a week night (deliberately) all gone my 11pm.

Plastic cups and paper plates = no washing up either !

bordellosboheme Wed 09-Oct-13 17:14:23

Dili Dali that was a lovely heartwarming answer, thank you.. Eloquently written too. grinsmile

bordellosboheme Sat 12-Oct-13 20:26:53

So tomorrow two couples and their kids are coming over for a hot tub (we have a wood fired hippy type one in our back garden). I bought to do a big pot of lentil and vegetable soup. Some grated cheese and a few pots crisps, some bread etc. does this sound ok? I will try not to knacker myself cleaning beforehand this time. Dp has been a grump today (as usual) but I reckon he will perk up tomorrow! Any little tips for making it extra nice? I know you guys are excellent at this type of stuff! .

Talkinpeace Sat 12-Oct-13 21:20:36

JEALOUS
due to be raining here
so go with the hot tub anyway, but have piles of towels / fleeces for people to dash in and out in fits of giggles
and serve the soup in deep mixing bowls - less spilling, more giggling

bordellosboheme Sat 12-Oct-13 22:33:33

Talkinpeace it works fine in the rain. It gets so hot sometimes it's nice to have something cool on your head! Good idea about towels....

Talkinpeace Sat 12-Oct-13 23:03:37

uber jealous grin
I swim outdoors year round so get your drift
keep the guests giggling and everything else is ancilliary

CrockedPot Sat 12-Oct-13 23:08:48

I am a dinner party thrower, always have been. I have lived in a one room bed sit, and had some of the best evenings ever in there...lots of wine, a one pot dish and a cheese board or a box of chocolates for pud will do it if you are short of space. I now have a dining room to use if needed but still often entertain in the kitchen. It's not about the room, it's about a welcoming atmosphere and making a bit of effort.

Nessalina Sat 12-Oct-13 23:34:29

Great thread with some fab ideas! Glad you've found your inner Nigella OP! smile

Jaynebxl Sun 13-Oct-13 08:14:46

Fantastic!
Crockedpot I think you may be my long lost twin!

bordellosboheme Sun 13-Oct-13 22:11:20

Quick update...
So spend all day prepping and cooking and cleaning...was knackered by the time people arrived.
Will have to streamline that bit....
But a good time seemed to be had by all and we managed to feed 4 adults and 3 kiddos without a hitch (the other adult and 2 kids had already eaten).
Kids enjoyed the hot tub splashing around etc....
We did all make a quick exit when my ds suddenly announced poopoo though blushblush
Ice cream to finish off the evening!

Dilidali Mon 14-Oct-13 20:39:49

It feels good, doesn't it?
Now, when is the next one?

You can cut a bit by hosting 'bring a plate' buffet type of evening.
Call it a game evening, cards, kiddies games etc, just spread the food around and play games. X

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