or is the nursery?

(41 Posts)

Ds is 3.8. On fri when dp collected him he was crying. Nursery worker said as he had to be 'spoken to'a lot on friday they didnt let him have a piece of birthday cake. Only him. When he was offered a cracker he refused and was put in time out. His shoes were on the wrong feet and he had pooey pants. Hes been going there a year and mostly is fine any times nursery tell us his behaviour has been poor we back them up but I think this was too harsh. He didnt understand why he wasnt allowed cake. Should I say something? I really felt awful for him he was so sad. Dp kept quiet as he has a short temper and its my work nursery.

LimitedEditionLady Mon 30-Sep-13 09:32:04

No id be upset too.Thats cruel IMO to give everyone cake except him,thatd only make a child behave worse to me.Id exoect them to notice my child wearing shoes on wrong feet if they were having to discipline him a lot.Time out for not eating a cracker?sounds like they lost control to me.No wouldnt have that,id feel like they had labelled him naughty for the day.

TiggyD Sun 29-Sep-13 22:45:13

Ofsted say that 'food should not be used as a reward or a punishment.' It is a very naughty nursery.

youarewinning Sun 29-Sep-13 21:45:39

I also agree food should not be used as a punishment.

I also think a 3yo would 'play up' or act out because they had dirty underwear - it seems there may be a route to his behaviour that day.

Plus he's 3, they're hardly known for their patience or tact grin

Nanny0gg Sun 29-Sep-13 21:37:48

And even if you don't like one or some of the children, you never ever let it show!

If you do, you're in the wrong job!

Nanny0gg Sun 29-Sep-13 21:35:07

I wouldn't be impressed.

Some children aren't toilet trained at 3, so I certainly don't expect them to be able to wipe efficiently at three!

The cake situation was just mean, and a bit humiliating as he was the only child not given any.

I also agree with Maggietess about a better way to handle behaviour.

I think they sound horrible and it shouldn't happen just because his keyworker wasn't there.

This is why (sweeping generalisation) that I hate nurseries.

MrsTomHardy Sun 29-Sep-13 20:49:18

Yes definitely say something to the manager.

I run a preschool and we would never leave a child out of getting some birthday cake....and going into time out for refusing a cracker...weird!!

Yes do speak to the manager about this person! She doesn't sound professional at all.

I think the common denominator in all the negatives is this one staff member not the nursey as a whole.

Well, the nursery generally is good and attached to my work. He went to the sister nursery before this and it was lovely. His key worker wrote his review which was good and will usually say hes had a good day. I find the worker who moans about him a bit odd and I guess not everyone loves all of the kids. Mostly they are kind but just a few things have upset me this week. They also have a patch of soil they let the kids play in which I had to say no to as ds has severe eczema and its basically just dirt. I am going to say something tommorow

ToffeeCaramel Sun 29-Sep-13 20:08:44

I agree that food shouldn't be used as a punishment. Especially not everyone else eating something nice while he looks on. hmm I'd be concerned about the one woman always saying he is naughty whem the others don't. It sounds like she finds him irritating. sad

Thy don't wipe his bum (or help him), there's one person who goes on about his behaviours, which sounds normal - he's 3, they refused him cake...

My ds is nearly 4, his nursery is very good. Yours doesn't sound so great tbh.

Maggietess Sun 29-Sep-13 20:02:51

I find it odd that they seem to want to tell you about minor behaviour issues every day?

My two at nursery only really really rarely had any behaviour comment and it was always made in a "dd had a good day today but seemed a little tired after lunch when we were doing storytime as she was a bit cross but we've had a wee chat about it and we're great now" said in front of the parent collecting but with a smile to the dd so she knew it was okay, it was over and sorted.

Anything over and above that the odd time would have my really concerned that either my dc was really problematic or that there was something ott in their management.

HaroldLloyd Sun 29-Sep-13 19:42:59

I wouldn't be happy, for one thing I don't like using food as a punishment or reward, they should have punished him suitably at the time.

The shoes and poo are tardy too.

grumpalumpgrumped Sun 29-Sep-13 19:38:49

Absolutely they should not have denied him cake as punishment. In my setting this would be a huge no no.....unless it was a logical consequence, for example he refused to stop hitting his friend at the table and was warned he would have to get down if he continues, in this case a piece of cake would have been sent home with him. Not saying this is what happened but just explaining why we might do something like that.

I would be asking for more info tomorrow

Ty all for the advice btw. Helps to get different perspectives.

They give birthday cake out at snack time so if he hadnt had cake there wouldnt have been anything for him since lunch. I just found it weird. They wont use the word naughty but punished him in this way. Id rather they made sure he didnt smell of poo and his shoes werent hurting him.

Pachacuti Sun 29-Sep-13 18:48:12

Pushing cake as "a treat" or "a reward" makes it more desirable and sets up unhealthy attitudes to food. It'd be far more constructive if they gave all the children cake and told them that if they were really good they'd be allowed some carrots as well.

junkfoodaddict Sun 29-Sep-13 18:45:21

I agree that food shouldn't be used for behaviour control but cake isn't a food as such - it's a treat and not a necessity to diet. I find it odd that he was offered a cracker instead unless he specifically asked for something to eat, was given the cracker and proceeded to temper tantrum in which case a time out would be warranted IF he had been prewarned about his behaviour before time out was given.

As a kid my dad really messed me up with food and I really worry about that happening to him. Right, need to man up and speak to them.

Its really only one person who goes on and on about his behaviour, everyone else seems to like him. Its not things like biting or hitting, more not listening or being a bit silly.

Pachacuti Sun 29-Sep-13 18:39:23

Food shouldn't be used as punishment/for behaviour control. It's fairly shocking that a professional childcare establishment hasn't grasped that.

Finola1step Sun 29-Sep-13 18:37:30

I agree it does sound like overkill to me. I do find it strange though that they offered him a cracker. Was it in place if the cake? Was it a "if you really are hungry then you will eat the cracker" thing? It's all a bit odd. Why offer a cracker to a 3 year old who has been denied cake?

I do wonder of there were staffing problems on Friday and things were all a bit too much. Would definitely follow up tomorrow.

BendyBusBuggy Sun 29-Sep-13 18:33:51

Maybe he didn't get enough attention because his key worker was out and that's why he played up? I'd have a word with them ... Agree with whyno, best results are always when not causing a fuss. Pooey pants are not ok (if he can't wipe he will have to learn, with their and your help).

I'd be a bit hmm if they regularly told me about bad behaviour. It's their job to teach him good behaviour. Obviously parents need to be told serious stuff, like biting, so that the message can be backed up, but if they say things like he's been naughty all day it sounds a bit like they're not doing a job properly. (Why has he been naughty all day? Has he been shown ways to behave? Has he felt like he needs to fight for attention? Havs he had enough to drink/ eat? Has he had enough quiet periods to relax?)

I think it's harsh to show off cake all day and then not give him any. Tehy could have thought of a better way of dealing with behaviour.

Im imagining by refused they mean he was a rude. They are really careful not to use negative language about behaviour. To be honest if all my friends had cake and I was given I boring cracker I might be less than impressed too. I totally think he cant be rude but it was a teeny bit overkill imo.

The facts were relayed by dp not son. Son wont talk about it and I dont want him to go off nursery or stop trusting the workers so im not talking to him about it.

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