To be utterly fucking fuming?

(64 Posts)
EricNorthmansFangbanger Sun 29-Sep-13 07:59:05

H went out last night with work. He came in at 10.45pm, which was quite early for him. The state he came home in is what I'm so angry about. He was incoherent, couldn't stand up straight and stumbling everywhere. He woke up 7 month old DS trying to get in the house.

I had to go down to let him in. When he came in he banged about until he reached the couch and instantly began snoring. I came back upstairs, tried to settle DS. H then comes stumbling upstairs, tries to get on the bed and then falls off. When he eventually manages to get on the bed, he falls straight asleep. It took me almost 2 hours to settle DS.

Around 2.30am, H woke and stumbled around the bedroom. I asked him what he was doing and he told me he needed a wee. I told him to go to the toilet. He then pulled a bucket of clean washing, that I'd not had a chance to put away yet, to the landing and proceeded to piss in it angry Jumped out of bed and asked what he thought he was doing. He started shouting incoherent rubbish, with the odd swear word, picked up the bucket and threw it in the bathroom. Stumbles to toilet to finish his wee and stumbles back again. As soon as his head hits the pillow he started snoring again.

In the course of this, DS woke up and it took me over 2 hours to settle him. H woke at 7am and seems more 'with it', but obviously still pissed. DD1 has her very first swimming lesson at 9.30am and I'm meant to be leaving DD2 and DS here with H. I don't feel I can leave them here with him and I can't really take them with me, as not only will there not be enough room, DD2 will kick off big time if she sees the water. I don't know what to do with regards to this, whether to not go this week, but DD1 will be absolutely devastated if we don't go.

H knew that he had to look after DD2 and DS this morning and still chose to get absolutely leathered. I am tired and beyond annoyed at him. AIBU?

RedHelenB Sun 29-Sep-13 08:04:36

Leave them with him as planned.

itried Sun 29-Sep-13 08:05:45

Ex H did that. Once. I went out all day and left him with a massive hangover and two small children.

If he is at all presentable make him come with you if you can. The merry sound of excited young children and your DD2 kicking off might just mean he does not do it again. You are very def NBU

havingamadmoment Sun 29-Sep-13 08:06:45

I wouldnt leave them with him if he is still drunk. I have no idea what you could do about swimming - is there anyone else who could look after dd2 for you?

I would be fuming too. Is he normally like this or is it a one off? I would be having serious words once he sobers up.

MOTU Sun 29-Sep-13 08:07:56

Yanbu. Only you can judge if he'd physically capable of caring for them for an hour or so but I'd say by now it should just be unpleasant for him rather than dangerous for them. I'm genuinely curious as to how much you have to drink to get to that point- I mean how much can you get down yourself before 10.30??!

picnicbasketcase Sun 29-Sep-13 08:08:05

Do exactly as you planned. It's his own fault if he chose to make himself feel like crap, he knew the plan for today and didn't act accordingly. Unless he's still so drunk you don't trust him with the kids...

catgirl1976 Sun 29-Sep-13 08:10:10

Yup - leave them with him as planned.

Maybe invite several dozen of their friends round for a play date . impromptu party?

HooverFairy Sun 29-Sep-13 08:10:31

YANBU re. The swimming lesson and, yes, your DH should have had the forethought not to get that leathered when he had responsibilities the next day. I can completely understand why you were angry but it's never a good idea to vent anger when the other person is drunk, it doesn't get you anywhere and just builds up more resentment from you. Do you have someone you could call on for help this morning, even just to sit with the other children at the swimming pool whilst you get your DD changed? If not, I'd just give it a go or take DH and make him look after the others in the viewing area at the pool. If he's still drunk then do not leave your other children with him.

Once you've sorted the swimming out, think about how to approach DH. Definitely wait until later on, hold out until the children are in bed if possible. You need to tell him that his behaviour is unacceptable and immature, it has a time and a place of course, but not on an evening with children in the house and when he's inclined to piss all over the place. And if he doesn't like being treated like a teenager then he shouldn't act like one.

If this is just a one off then I'd say my piece and then let it go, I'd be a bit more insistent and angry if it was a regular occurrence. I'd tell him that things had to change and that he needed help if it was happening all the time. Good luck OP, I really hope your day gets better.

StayAwayFromTheEdge Sun 29-Sep-13 08:11:37

To be honest I would take them all with me and deal with DH when you get home - he doesn't sound in a fit state to look after them.

Any chance you can take them both for a swim while DD1 has her lesson?

MortifiedAdams Sun 29-Sep-13 08:12:17

Has he ever behaved like this after a night out before? Or is it totally out of character?

Jinsei Sun 29-Sep-13 08:12:43

Yanbu! There is no excuse for a responsible adult to get themselves into that state. He is an arse.

If he is still drunk, I don't think you can leave the other children with him. Can you take them with you and bribe them to behave nicely with the promise of some sort of treat afterwards?

VitoCorleone Sun 29-Sep-13 08:13:06

Do not let your daughter miss her first swimming lesson because your husband is a drunken twat. Pissing on your washing?!? I'd fucking kill him.

SoupDragon Sun 29-Sep-13 08:14:00

Leave DD2 with him and take DS.

PenelopePitstops Sun 29-Sep-13 08:16:21

Being that incoherent suggests he could have been spiked. Especially the fact 2 hours later he was still a mess.

This happened to me once, completely out of character to be that drunk, I'd had 2 g&ts. I came home incoherent. Slept, woke up and vomited a lot. I slept so much the next day and was still groggy a few days later.

EricNorthmansFangbanger Sun 29-Sep-13 08:16:29

He is still a bit pissed. He can at least talk, rather than the state he got in in, but he keeps fucking laughing and giggling at everything. I wouldn't really feel comfortable leaving him with them to be honest. If he was just hungover I would, but he is genuinely still pissed.

He doesn't go out a lot, the state he comes home in can vary. It's rare he comes home in the state he was last night. He went out straight after work finished yesterday afternoon and still has no idea how much he's drank. I'm currently debating cancelling the swimming lesson, I've no one else at all that can come and mind Dd2 or DS for me.

Leave DD with him if you think he is fit to look after her as in not drunk. If he has hangover then tough luck. If taking DS with you it gets really hot by side of pool so be prepared to strip him off.

Deal with DH when you get home. Does he normally get in such a state?

GogoGobo Sun 29-Sep-13 08:17:47

Hard one, i imagine he would love the house to himself for a couple of hours to recover but i would be reluctant to leave DC with a drunk idiot. As for the pissing on clothes, absolutely rank. I absolutely hate the impact alcohol has on so many kids weekends. No wonder you are livid.

Don't cancel swimming lesson

Take him with you to look after DD2 and DS

EricNorthmansFangbanger Sun 29-Sep-13 08:20:35

Sorry cross posted with many. I will take DS with me I think. I'm more worried about leaving them with him in case he falls asleep, as DD2 is 2 and will give him pretty much anything to play with. Which he then tries to eat.

I don't think he has been spiked, just drank far too much. I'm not sure whether he ate whilst they were out. They were meant to be eating but he still hasn't told me whether he did actually eat.

Finola1step Sun 29-Sep-13 08:22:58

Another vote for leave dd2 at home and take ds with you. With strict instructions that he must have started re washing the laundry and have cleaned up the mess in the bathroom. Then at some point this afternoon, get your bag and go out. By yourself. Even if its just for a walk or for a coffee. This is not to punish him but to give yourself a bit of space and peace.

I would also question how on earth he got so drunk so quickly. Or did he start drinking in the afternoon?

StayAwayFromTheEdge Sun 29-Sep-13 08:23:05

Don't take him with you if he's drunk!

Just take them with you and leave him at home to sleep it off. There is no reason I can see to cancel the lesson.

RobotHamster Sun 29-Sep-13 08:23:15

It doesn't sound like he's capable of looking after the other kids and I wouldn't leave them. What if he passes out? It does sound like he might have been spiked - yes, it could well be just the alcohol but he came home early and his behaviour sounds very strange.

beepoff Sun 29-Sep-13 08:23:35

If you leave them with him, hide the car keys or take them with you so he can't drive. Make him drink a coffee to wake him up. I think the children would be fine although he might be short tempered. Is your 7 month old mobile yet?

YANBU at all. I would be livid too and he would pay big time.

RobotHamster Sun 29-Sep-13 08:23:58

Xposts.

AcrylicPlexiglass Sun 29-Sep-13 08:25:06

Take them all. Buy sweets and take toys, magazines or books to entertain the little ones. Admire your eldest doing her swimming. Leave dh to sober up and become ashamed. Look forward to next Sunday morning when you will be completely fancy free whilst Dh takes all 3 of them swimming.

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