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to insist we spend every Christmas and new year with my family?

(137 Posts)
froken Fri 27-Sep-13 17:53:19

I moved to Sweden to live with my dp 3 years ago.we now have a baby ds. We have spent every Christmas in the UK ( apart from last year as ds was less than a week old)

We are thinking about booking flights back to the UK in the next couple of days ( hence early Christmas aibu) dp suggested we go to the UK this year and stay in Sweden next year.

I have always Saud that I want to go to the UK every Christmas as we are in Sweden for all the other celebrations ( birthdays, Easter, midsummer etc) dp has now decided it isn't fair and we shouldalternate.

I feel like culturally ds will grow up feeling Swedish with a dash of britishness so it is important that he is in the UK for a big celebration each year. It also fits in well with time off work, dp only needs to take a couple of days of holiday but ends up with 2 weeks of holiday so it makes it a worthwhile trip.

Lastly they eat pickled fish and potatoes with fish and smoked fish and vodka and it just doesn't feel like Christmas.

Aibu to expect us to spend every Christmas with my family? I have offered dp the option of moving to the UK and spending every Christmas in Sweden, he wasn't keen on that idea.

mynewpassion Fri 27-Sep-13 17:56:46

Yabu. Alternating is good. You could alternate other holidays like birthdays and easter too.

QueenBoudicea Fri 27-Sep-13 17:57:17

Yabu to spend every Xmas - can't you do every other year?

MissStrawberry Fri 27-Sep-13 17:59:27

The grown up, mature thing to do is to take it in turns.

Dobbiesmum Fri 27-Sep-13 17:59:44

It doesn't feel like Christmas to you but it will to your DS as he grows up knowing about the best of both cultural celebrations.
Can you go back to the UK for other celebrations?
I think YABU, it is unfair to your Dp's family to not be able see you all at a Christmas.

QueenBoudicea Fri 27-Sep-13 18:00:18

You could also offer to host your own British as and invite family to yours?
Isn't Xmas eve the main Celebration so you could still have Xmas day as British as you want it.

weallwearcapes Fri 27-Sep-13 18:00:31

My brother lives in Sweden with his Swedish partner. They fly in early on christmas day so that they do both Swedish christmas on the 24th and British one on the 25th, though they are quite tired! My brother can't stand the Swedish Christmas either.

Bluestocking Fri 27-Sep-13 18:01:23

You know you're BU. "pickled fish and potatoes with fish and smoked fish and vodka" may not feel like Christmas to you, but turkey, sprouts and Quality Street in front of Only Fools and Horses probably doesn't feel like Christmas to your DP. Alternate Christmas, and try to do some other holiday time in the UK.

Beastofburden Fri 27-Sep-13 18:01:26

Take it in turns, in return for alternating other celebrations. So for instance, one year you celebrate your birthday in Sweden, the next, you take a weeks holiday as near to that date as you can, and go home to see everyone.

YANBU, to want to spend Christmas in the UK every year, but if your DP feels otherwise then you need to compromise. You are a partnership and you both need to compromise sometimes. Could you agree to have Christmas in the UK, but New Year in Sweden, or one year come back for your birthday instead, or something like that. I don't think it's unreasonable to insist that you come back once a year, providing you can afford to.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Fri 27-Sep-13 18:03:54

I think you should alternate. Would it be possible to get your parents out to yours in Sweden, or to cook a turkey there and have a mix of traditions some of the time?

Or to go to the UK for Easter instead, on the years you didn't go for Christmas?

BackforGood Fri 27-Sep-13 18:04:58

YABU - it will be good for your children to grow up understanding and remembering both cultural traditions.
You can still come "home" at some other time of year.

FlapJackFlossie Fri 27-Sep-13 18:06:43

Lastly they eat pickled fish and potatoes with fish and smoked fish and vodka and it just doesn't feel like Christmas.

So cook your own Christmas Lunch! YABU and unfair to your DP.

superzero Fri 27-Sep-13 18:08:57

YABU if that was the deal when you moved to Sweden and fair enough if you are there for ever other celebration.
There will be a time,in a few years when they start to understand what it is all about,are at school etc,when your DS might actually want to spend Christmas in his own home in Sweden,then it will be you v DP & DH so go to the UK whilst you can!

it's only xmas, but if it is important to you he should respect that as you spend the rest of the year with his family

for what it's worth, I am in your dp's position. dp and I live near my family, and about 200 miles away from his. we have spent every single xmas with his family, even before we had kids (except for one year we stayed home alone -with a big bag of drugs- )

it's only fair as we see so much more of my family the rest of the year

bus17 Fri 27-Sep-13 18:09:43

Could you alternate with say, 2 years Christmas in the UK then 1 in Sweden?

p.s. yanbu!

froken Fri 27-Sep-13 18:09:56

Oh dear, I was hoping I wasn't being unreasonable but it seems I am sad

We go to tge UK in the summer too but there is just something special about Christmas. My brother also lives abroad and he comes home ( to the UK) at Christmas so it is a convenient time to meet up with him too.

My family live a long drive from airports so flying in on the morning of the 25th wouldn't work.

superzero Fri 27-Sep-13 18:10:46

Sorry meant to say YANBU and also,DP& DS v you!

vj32 Fri 27-Sep-13 18:10:52

Can you not split Christmas and do a week with one family and a week with the other? So one year you for the actual 'Christmas' week in Sweden and the next year you have that week in the UK.

We do this with my family/ILs. Over nowhere near the distance you are talking about but DH is not allowed any time off over Christmas other than bank holidays so we have very little time.

DS thinks its a great idea - he gets at least two full Christmas lunches, presents over a week rather than all in one go so they his full attention. I guess the only problem would be if your family or IL are very religious or very fixed on having Christmas on Christmas Day.

NachoAddict Fri 27-Sep-13 18:10:58

I think if you do all other celebrations in Sweden then actually no your not being u, however in the name of compromise I would suggest alternating Christmas with Easter or Christmas with ds birthday etc.

clam Fri 27-Sep-13 18:13:09

I don't think you're being unreasonable!

MortifiedAdams Fri 27-Sep-13 18:13:40

It would be a real shame for your DS to grow up.in a country and have no idea of what their christmas traditions are. When he has his own family, do you expect him to go back to the UK because that is all he knows?

Talkinpeace Fri 27-Sep-13 18:15:18

YABU
Alternate. And mix and match the best bits of both (Ok I like pickled herring)

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Fri 27-Sep-13 18:15:33

I sympathize, I think there is something special about Christmas.

But I think it's tough on your DP to miss that too, and your child will feel left out later on when all the other children talk about doing one thing and he has no experience of it, I'd think?

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