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To not let my 1 year old breastfeed despite her crying in hunger?(96 Posts)
She's not eaten ANY food today, tried to give her porridge, apple puree, strawberries, 'organic' crisps, sweet potato and lasagne so far. She hasn't had a single mouthful, I last let her breastfeed about an hour after she refused breakfast, and she had a big drink then at about 10.
This is a very regular occurrence but she usually breastfeeds on demand a lot.
She's taken a tiny bit of water but is pushing away snacks still, and clawing at my top for milk, pretty upset.
Should I just give in or should I wait out and hope she takes real food when she's hungry enough?
Maybe she's not quite ready for the variety of solids? My two dc developed their solids at massively different rates. While ds1 very quickly moved onto lots of different textures and loved it, ds2 was a much more reluctant eater and had to be weaned on pureed baby food, introducing only one flavour every few days (or even weeks) until he was used to it.
Interestingly ds2 eats more 'extreme' flavours (chutneys, spices, etc) than ds1 does now that they are older.
I feel for you, it's really exhausting when you feel that you have to be the 24 hour diner even though they aren't babies any more.
Both my DSs had a patch like this around their first birthday, (and they were both great eaters before too) but they both then got back to "normal" within a few weeks and dropped back down to a few feeds. DS1 then fed til 18m and DS2 still is now. Developmental thing maybe??
I didnt want to wean, so grit my teeth and got through it, but it was a bloody pita when they were attached all day and night, so you are allowed to be annoyed.
are you just annoyed for now, or do you want help weaning?
I'm sorry but I'm just gobsmacked at the 2.4 year old who feeds every 30-69 minutes! Have you not gone anywhere or done anything for the last two and a half years??
Maybe she's ill. Or teething.
Or, a small chance, that she's intolerant to some foods or has tongue tie or reflux so doesn't get on with solids.
I would feed her. When it comes to meals, sit her down while you eat and have some bits of food which are simple - plain strips of meat, plain veg, plain pasta etc so she can try from your plate.
I was a bit surprised by that too Rhonda.
The 2.4 year old had multiple allergies - that's not surprising they BF so much.
My 24 month old feeds frequently still. Sometimes for comfort. Sometimes for food.
If he is refusing food it is for a reason and he will breastfeeders more. I let him, because it refuse him feels utterly wrong.
But, I am shattered. And touched out. It's hard
Thank you for all the helpful replies, I'm more worried about her not eating than the breastfeeding, I would like to cut it down a little bit, but realistically I know she's going to need it for a fair while longer.
It's just how little she eats, I'm sure I must be doing something wrong, she eats less than some 4 month olds I know!
If she had a couple of mouthfuls, eg porridge, for breakfast, a couple of mouthfuls of fruit/snack and maybe 1 mouthful each of lunch and tea, I would class that as one of her best days. She regularly eats nothing, or spits everything out so it's near to nothing.
I've seen 2 doctors, at 9 months when she had refused everything for 3 months, and then at 11 months when she'd been having tiny amounts but still not much. Both said not to worry as long as she's getting milk.
I don't think she's picking up on me being tense, during meal times I'm pretty relaxed as it's been so long of her not eating I just expect it, but I'm just running out of ideas. I felt awful not letting her feed earlier, and even that didn't work.
If I hand her my food, she will hand it straight back like she thinks it's a game, if I try to spoon feed her she will close her mouth tight and swing her head from side to side, then try to grab the spoon and shake the food off, if I put food infront of her on the highchair she will drop it off the side piece by piece like she thinks its a game, and if she does eat anything she usually looks disgusted then doesn't want any more.
I'm going to get flamed for this but have you considered some form of night weaning and sleep training? The frequent might feeding could explain lack of appetite. And without proper rest she won't be receptive to anything.
Oh and another thing that can help - for a few months I basically fed DD like a cat - plate of snacky food out to graze at will but no set meals. So sliced apples, cubes of cheese, breadsticks etc. I let her breast feed as much as she liked daytime as it reduced night time.
It passed. It's a phase
DD now at 2.4 eats solids well at mealtimes, has self night weaned and normally only breast feeds about 4 times a day
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Ah but your previous post sounds like you give her the food. She doesn't have control.
Don't feed her and just put stuff on her tray. Eat at the table when she does and make sure it's in grabbing distance. occasionally get up from the table or look away or something, don't watch her.
Also offer snacks instead of a feed. Or better yet you have a snack (just reduce your meals at other times) and let her grab some.
Basically adopting a breezy attitude - because I'm wondering if she feels under pressure eg in a Highchair with you watching her.
If you're anxious about whether she is eating or not, she will pick up on this and be less likely to eat - it's a control thing.
I know that just saying "don't be anxious" isn't helpful - but you could try doing something else while she eats, or try to change your mindset. The book I recommended earlier could help with this. This is a great information sheet from LLL as well, your local group may have them to give out or for a nominal 10p donation.
Another thing I read recently is about how it's your responsibility as the parent to provide enough food, tasty food, healthy food, but it's their responsibility as a person to choose to eat it or not, and really and honestly they won't starve themselves. There is no point feeling anxious about something you can't control, so try to let go, keep doing the thing you do have control over (to provide the food) and don't worry whether she eats it or not.
Another thing you might find helpful is this:
In the second year (12-23 months), 448 mL of breastmilk provides:
29% of energy requirements
43% of protein requirements
36% of calcium requirements
75% of vitamin A requirements
76% of folate requirements
94% of vitamin B12 requirements
60% of vitamin C requirements
– Dewey 2001
(Full article: kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/)
I agree it would be worth checking her mouth BTW, but DS was exactly like this and didn't have anything wrong, he was just reacting to a stressful situation. Is there anything big going on for your family currently?
DD breastfed like mad until 12 months old, then switched to bottles of cows milk. Around 16 mo she was still having about 5 bottles per day and very little solids, then all of a sudden she didn't want it anymore and started eating everything in sight. Now she has the occasional cup of milk but really isn't fussed by it. So just presenting the alternative viewpoint that sometimes they will just get there in their own time
Ds went through a phase of refusing anything that I tried to give to him but put a bowl of scrambled eggs and a spoon in front of him and he would go at it.
I know you said it just gets dropped over the sides but if you give her a few tries without stressing, just clear up the mess, she may just sneak the odd bit into her mouth.
I'd feed her. Breast milk is full of good stuff. Can you feed her lying down with a book/ your phone so it's a rest for you? I basically used it as an excuse for a lie down when I was bf
I don't think yabu at all, at one my dd was eating everything and anything. I can totally understand why you are worried, does she eat with you at the table? Dd liked to be sat at the table with us and her own food to eat in front of her.
I would at this age bf max 4 times a day and stop feeding at night. You will prob need to do some cc in terms that she will have to learn another way to settle herself but in the long term this will improve her appetite during the day and obv help her and you in that she will be getting a decent nights kip.
I would also go back to the dr, maybe keep a record of what she eats for a few days to show them.
What would freak me out about this is what would happen if something happened to you? If you were ill or had to go away for a couple of days what would she do?!
please do not panic things change with DC very quickly its us who sees a behaviour then thinks its going to be like that forever, we also had food issues with DD1, she loooked so skinny compared to other babies, we saw a pead and everything. She was and is fine.
Relax, I worried more with first as she was not BF, so I was really worried about getting fresh food into her.
with no2, she is BF, on demand and just under a year we are taking it easy, offer her food off spoon, also little sarnies she can eat herself, a mixture, I do not stress if she hasn't had much.
I am looking to wean her off breast, but not yet, but very soon.
Your lucky you are BF she is getting as people have said - lots of amazing things from it. Yes babies start to need more at one, but not immediately at one.
Also try distraction, tv, in park....
By the way, my PEAD told me he knew of one child who would eat nothing but satsumas for a few years! said the child was fine and healthy!¬
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