AIBU to not disclose my sexual history?

(135 Posts)
fll28 Fri 27-Sep-13 06:12:23

I have never told my DH how many other people there were before him. He has asked a few times but I usually fob him off. AIBU? Have you shared all with your partner?

fll28 Sat 28-Sep-13 21:11:35

MrsKoala - we have been together over 5 years. Not sure why he is asking. I did say in one of my replies that he has asked probably 3 times in 5 years. To be fair it tends to be in reaction to something - one of the times was when we watched the film 'whats your number' for example.

Yes our numbers are dradtically different. His is single figures I know that.

It's an odd question to ask at any time, but especially after 5 years together. Why does it matter to him now?

EBearhug Sat 28-Sep-13 22:12:17

I wouldn't be bothered about the numbers - I'm in my 40s, and I expect most people to have some history by now (though I do know some who haven't.) I would want to have some idea of their views on sexuality, how they feel about about porn and so on. They'd also need to be okay with the idea that some of the men I've been with are still in my life - one of my closest friends was my first boyfriend for some years till my mid-20s, for example, and I have past sexual history with another couple of friends. But it's also past history, not current.

I would want to know that they'd had STI tests before we were together, but you don't have to have slept with 100 different people to pick up an infection, so the numbers aren't actually relevant.

Thants Sat 28-Sep-13 22:16:37

I don't think you have to tell him but I don't understand why you wouldn't. It's a part of you and your history so most partners would want to know everything about you sexual or on general. Has he told you?

Pendeen Sat 28-Sep-13 23:39:45

The fundamental question is still unanswered. Why does he want to know?

Various contributors assuming a reason and others dismissing his curiosity as not relevant or not acceptable are all missing the essential point here.

As I said earlier, for several reasons this thread is depressing but also surprising, some of you do have the most odd ideas.

OP, dare you ask him to explain why he wants to know?

fll28 Sun 29-Sep-13 07:19:07

Pendeen - I dont want to raise the subject with him but you are right if or when he asks again I should ask him why he wants to know. As I said before I think it is just curiosity.

jasminerose Sun 29-Sep-13 07:22:17

My husband knows, but he knows everything about me as we are very close.

mydoorisalwaysopen Sun 29-Sep-13 07:36:34

My husband wouldn't tell me his tally - I suspect he can't remember. When I did accidentally discover he had slept with quite a few people we used to socialize with it made me feel different about spending time with those people. If there are particular people you wouldn't want him to know about or you suspect your tally would disturb him, i'd say carry on being vague. The important thing is being faithful to each other and not putting each other at risk.

jasminerose Sun 29-Sep-13 07:38:42

I dont care if I know them I have met people hes shagged, hes good friends now with people Ive shagged. We both know each others numbers, we have even discussed who was good who was shit. I think it depends how secure you are in yourself.

Rhythmisadancer Sun 29-Sep-13 22:21:44

Honey, I picked you out of thousands, you're the best

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