is this all dds fault?

(19 Posts)
piratecat Fri 27-Sep-13 08:16:57

i would go to the head.
in life you can't get physically abusive with people without repercussions.

topicofaffairs Fri 27-Sep-13 08:02:24

"I think it might be worth speaking to the teacher again and asking if he is really equating a misjudged attempt to take a feather from someone with a physical manhandling"

See this is exactly it, I don't think dd is an angel, I've told her off and told her to not faff with stupid stuff again but it is the considering a child with sen taking a feather because she didn't want her friend to get ill to the physical "attack" of a child who has made her life hell and is well known for attacking others.

DoJo Thu 26-Sep-13 23:23:11

I think it might be worth speaking to the teacher again and asking if he is really equating a misjudged attempt to take a feather from someone with a physical manhandling. Because he seems to be saying that their behaviour is equivalent whereas the truth is that there is no excuse to put your hands on someone no matter what they have done, and if the school thinks that there is justification then you need to review your daughter's situation there.

whois Thu 26-Sep-13 22:49:48

Not DDs fault, no reason or excuse for L to get physical with DD.

MutantAndProud Thu 26-Sep-13 21:24:07

I would discuss this with him again.

I was badly bullied in school. One time in year 6, the usual group of girls were harassing me, I flipped and called one of them a stupid cow and she assaulted me, kicking me in the vulva so hard I was bruised there for weeks. Same girl also punched me in year 4 and knocked my front teeth out.

Teacher said it was my fault coz I called her names.

My mum did nothing. She did nothing about every single bullying event which happened from age 4 to age 11. I've never been able to forgive her for not protecting me more.

You sound like a lovely mum and I'm so sorry your DD has gone through all this. Speak to this teacher again. Good luck x

YouTheCat Thu 26-Sep-13 21:17:13

Time to get belligerent. Your poor dd.

AgentZigzag Thu 26-Sep-13 21:01:59

The problem with her being in yr 6 is that it's not really worth moving her as such because they're moving anyway.

But that means you have to force the school to take responsibility now for Ls behaviour.

Not in a few weeks time, not when they've tried such and such (and after a year, WTF have they been doing for it to be still upsetting your DD??), right now.

Your DD shouldn't have to be targeted by anyone who's shaking her and calling her an idiot.

Time to get...I want to say nasty but that would be unreasonable, and don't want to say firm because it won't get results, in between the two?

Your poor DD shouldn't have her school life blighted by this for even one more day.

Debs75 Thu 26-Sep-13 20:55:35

It sounds like the school are scared of L's behaviour but daren't make too much of an issue about it. I would want a formal discussion about the incident and would want to know that L will be shown how she was wrong to behave that way. Violence is never the right reaction especially in 10 year olds

topicofaffairs Thu 26-Sep-13 20:54:32

Sorry Stanley no he didn't use those words but that's how I felt, I asked why L got physical with dd and he said it was 6 of one half a dozen of other.

so I then asked what dd had done to L .. Nothing

I'm probably being U, I am just so worn down by it all.

AgentZigzag Thu 26-Sep-13 20:51:12

Even though I know they should be interested in feathers and collecting them, I can't help but say 'Don't pick that up love, it's dirty' with the DD's grin

So I can well understand how it'd get into a DCs mind, without any SNs. She was trying to protect her friend from something she thought would make her ill.

In one way the teacher's right about the 6/half doz in that both of them had good intentions but went about resolving them in the wrong way.

But what your DD did is not even in the same ball park to how L chose to act. Taking the feather isn't anything like shaking your DD and calling her an idiot.

I loathe 50/50 responsibility being blanketed over some situations. Some are 50/50, and others are so minor it's easier to treat them as 50/50, but the teacher has to take into account the unequal power going on in this relationship.

It's not OK to say 'Well, they're both to blame because she stays there' to a woman in a DV situation, so I can't see why she'd try and brush this off as your DD's fault for taking a feather from another DC.

YoureBeingADick Thu 26-Sep-13 20:41:35

tbh it sounds like the teacher cant be bothered to deal with it properly.

StanleyLambchop Thu 26-Sep-13 20:38:09

Apparently dd deserved it to get physical from someone not involved because she took a feather.

If the teacher actually said that then I think you definitely have grounds to complain. No one 'deserves it to get physical'.

topicofaffairs Thu 26-Sep-13 20:36:41

"Looks like L was just finding an excuse to physically handle your DD"

Yes this, dd was in wrong faffing about a feather but annoyed L now has been backed up in being physical.

topicofaffairs Thu 26-Sep-13 20:34:52

I've spoken to teacher, x picked a feather up, dd who is mentally much younger took feather wanting to put it in bin saying don't touch it its might have disease on it confused L who last week stabbed x with a pencil and broke through skin came over, L is oldest in class and twice size of dd grabbed her and called her an idiot, dd told dinner lady. Dinner lady told dd to tell L to go to her, dd said to L Mrs X wants to speak to you. L said I don't speak to idiots.

Teacher said it was 6 of one half of other despite knowing L almost made dd leave school it was so bad. Apparently dd deserved it to get physical from someone not involved because she took a feather.

zoobaby Thu 26-Sep-13 20:27:59

Looks like L was just finding an excuse to physically handle your DD... you know being the "saviour" of the friend whose feather was taken.

StanleyLambchop Thu 26-Sep-13 20:22:18

I don't think that shaking and calling someone an idiot is a proportionate response to a feather being taken away, especially as it was not even taken from L in the first place. Not sure why L got involved. I would say it was not really your DDs fault as such- Did her friend even mind about the feather? I would perhaps speak to the teacher to clarify.

topicofaffairs Thu 26-Sep-13 18:50:44

I would think that pixie but L hates dds friend. The children are in year 6 so its all rather pathetic really although dd is mentally much younger due to her sen.

I'm pissed off at dd too.

pixiepotter Thu 26-Sep-13 18:32:47

It seems as though L is very literal too.She saw your DC take the feather off the girl and thought she was being unkind and went in to defend the other child.

topicofaffairs Thu 26-Sep-13 18:05:51

Dd is quiet and well behaved at school but does have sen and is very literal.

She took a feather her friend had picked up off the floor off her friend because she thought it would have disease on it.

L who made dds life hell last year with physical bullying and name calling and stealing, it was very bad. L is very badly behaved and history of attacking others was not involved but came over grabbed dd, shook her and called her an idiot, then was asked to apologise and called Ta and dd an idiot again.

Teacher has said it was half of one 6 of other, but when i asked what dd had done to L, nothing, while I am annoyed at dd for bothering over a feather I don't see how it is her fault she was physically bullied by the bully who had nothing to do with the situation yet again.

I just feel he has completely endorsed L getting physical with dd. While accepting dd was in the wrong it doesn't give L who had no involvement reason to attack her.

Aibu?

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