I am invisible to men.

(14 Posts)
fluffyduckie Thu 26-Sep-13 17:35:17

I never get asked out. They don't remember when they have met me. I get bumped into. Men just look through me.

I know I am not pretty or slim but I didn't think I was monstrous!! No wonder I never get asked on a date ever.

How can I be less invisible? Everyone around me is pairing up. I was watching Honey Boo Boo and even her mother has a man!!

I am not a total dimwit but I have a job rather than a career. My hobbies aren't interesting to men - or at least they never join the groups. I talk to people and I do go out so I am not a recluse or anything. I am old fashioned but not (I don't think) overly so.

It has been like this forever! Even at school! sad

ThePerfectFather Thu 26-Sep-13 18:04:37

I will tread very lightly here because I suspect this post has come at the end of a long day and you are perhaps feeling a little bit sorry for yourself for unrelated reasons. I also don't want to offend anybody.

I'm a stay at home Dad so I see Mums around all the time. I will be honest and say that I consider 99% of them to be hot, gorgeous and wonderful. Chances are you are too.

I'm also happily married, so I won't be asking anybody out. Most of the people I see around town are either Mums (hot) old people (not) or people at work. That's the daytime demographic, I'd say. Most of the people you see are either busy or accounted for.

Besides, as someone over 30 most people I know are in a relationship of some kind, so the chances of bumping into someone and being asked out are slim at best. It's not really something that happens, is it?

The best places to meet people are at parties, at work or through friends. If your plan is just to wander around town and hope to get picked up...good luck with that! It doesn't matter how good looking you are, the odds are against you.

parakeet Thu 26-Sep-13 18:10:43

Why do they have to ask you out? Why can't you ask?

Internet dating?

Nancy66 Thu 26-Sep-13 18:12:01

re. honey Boo Boo. Yes, her mother has a man - a toothless, pot-bellied hillbilly.

I wouldn't be too envious

Meglet Thu 26-Sep-13 18:15:25

Same here. Always on the side lines I am a bit high maintenance though.

That's a lovely post perfect father

Buswanker Thu 26-Sep-13 18:21:32

Honey Boo Boos mum is nice! Thats why she has man, he seems to love her, I admit her feet trotters are not the nicest but she is a caring person, she doesnt care what size she is and she clearly loves her children.
I think I secretly want to be her BFF blush
Try asking men out if they are available and you fancy them?

lottiegarbanzo Thu 26-Sep-13 18:24:38

Are you really talking about not meeting sinlge men who are looking for a relationship? Or saying that you do but they ignore you?

Have you tried any dating acitivites?

It sounds like you're saying taht, in the course of living your perfetcly nice and interesting life, you don't meet available, interesting men. Work, hobbies and through friends are the usual routes, you've said your hobbies are not conducive, perhaps there aren't many eligible men at work and your friends don't go out as a group of women any more because they're pairing up.

So, find some 'going out' friends, new hobbies or internet or speed-dating. Eligible men aren't just going to fall into your lap, you have to meet them before you can strike up a rapport. How much effort have you actually made?

geekgal Thu 26-Sep-13 19:44:24

I say go for internet dating, I have a few friends who felt they had similar issues to you, including one who was very shy to boot, and although they all had different outcomes (one married, one long term relationship, other one has had a number of fun dates) none of them regrets it! It makes it easier if you find in person you fade into crowds a little (no shame in that, the majority of us do when you think about it), they all had no problems online because it's all down to what you say, not how you say it!

LessMissAbs Thu 26-Sep-13 20:09:31

Your description of yourself fits a lot of the girlfriends of men know. I believe most of them met through friends.

It might help to be more outgoing or sociable? Apologies if you already.

In general, I think most men would be too polite to treat every woman they encounter in everyday situations as a potential romantic encounter. Most decent men would be afraid of causing offence.

MyChildhoodInACottage Thu 26-Sep-13 20:18:33

Hello, I have never had a date. Never been asked out. Never had a relationship. It is depressing - I don't know why! I tried internet dating and had no luck.

I think it is my physical appearance, in my case - I'm not very attractive.

I decided to have DCs on my own eventually but just wanted to let you know you're not alone!

SoftKittyWarmKitty Thu 26-Sep-13 21:49:03

I'm a lot like you, OP, except I'm also the wrong side of 40 and a single parent to boot. It's a winning combo hmm.

WorraLiberty Thu 26-Sep-13 21:51:36

If you really were monstrous, you'd be memorable so you can count that out grin

pinkdelight Thu 26-Sep-13 23:38:54

It's really not physical appearance. It's confidence. I've known some very confident people who you might class as monstrous but they liked themselves and happily did the 'throw enough shit at the wall' / 'every no takes you closer to a yes' approach, asking people out and getting easily their fair share of partners. The first step to other people finding you attractive is you finding yourself attractive. The next is to forget about yourself and be interested in other people. People find that very attractive. Do you think there are men who you look straight through? Ime there are lots of lovely guys who get overlooked. IT departments are a good place to start!

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