I was told in a previous job I was second best in the looks department compared to another lady and it

(15 Posts)
Longhotsoaks Mon 23-Sep-13 13:02:24

Made me feel sad and hurt that they judged me on looks than me being able to do my job or as a person.

I left the job and told them where to go and have found a better job as if they were that shallow they could stick it.

I still feel insecure about the way I look now, it was the fact I was compared to another girl who was very beautiful ,and It occurred to me to be as I am me take me as you find me attitude, but

Why do I feel so ugly now, and judgemental of myself all the time I just felt I have been bullied by certain people before but if anything I'm glad I left, maybe I should count my blessings that I deserve better.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 23-Sep-13 13:09:43

Who told you that? Were they a bronzed Adonis or supermodel themselves? No? Thought not. It goes without saying that you're better off out of there and now have a better job, which speaks volumes.

As for your insecurities, we all have them but if yours are causing issues day to day, maybe consider some counselling/CBT to talk through what happened and help you work to increase your self esteem. I bet you're lovely, inside and out smile.

Longhotsoaks Mon 23-Sep-13 13:19:37

Thanks SoftKitty I think it bothers me more now as I have been bullied recently and I'm hoping it has all stopped now it just has dented my self esteem thank you for listening.

pourmeanother Mon 23-Sep-13 13:23:38

Have you thought about bringing a sex discrimation claim? Depends on how long ago you left re whether you will still be in time to make a claim.

Tryharder Mon 23-Sep-13 13:24:52

Was the person saying that your boss and the comment was linked to your ability to do the job I.e. You work in a topless bar or are a model?

If not, you should have reported that person or at least ignored.

Everywhere you go OP, there will always be someone better looking/cleverer/funnier than you and that goes for everyone.

Have you considered counselling?

Longhotsoaks Mon 23-Sep-13 13:32:25

I have been out of the job a year, I am not a model or a topless one they probably would of prefered that I sprawled over the cars they were selling, sexiest pigs that they were.

One guy said about the looks because that's all they had Everyone knew I was capable of doing my job only he was failing at his.

Chickensoupyum Mon 23-Sep-13 13:33:29

Unless you are a model, I do not see how this is relevant to your job. That person is an arsehole.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 23-Sep-13 13:54:13

Sounds like they were jealous of your work success and found your and many other womens' Achilles heel and used it against you, in order to undermine you and make you feel inferior. It worked. However, that's not your fault - it's theirs. They are pathetic, insecure losers who are shit at their jobs. Please don't lose sight of that fact.

You say you've recently been bullied again. Is that sorted now? I'd absolutely say go for some counselling, it sounds like you'd really benefit from it.

YouTheCat Mon 23-Sep-13 13:59:12

I am no looker and have been known to scare children but my response to someone like that would be to look them up and down and laugh.

If they required clarification, I'd just point out that they are hardly Hugh Jackman and to fuck off.

OP, don't dwell. You know the person who said it is a total knob.

Longhotsoaks Mon 23-Sep-13 14:04:42

Yes let's say I moved on SoftKitty from the bullying ,and if I see them it's best to ignore them which I will if I see them again.

I know I did nothing wrong and you are right maybe some counselling would help it would do no harm.

Thank you You and SoftKitty and Chicken.

tiktok Mon 23-Sep-13 14:06:31

Longhotsoaks, did the comment resonate with experiences you had when growing up, either in your family or at school, related to self-esteem and self-worth?

I ask this because most people would not be brooding on this after a year unless there was a link with other experiences and feelings.

I mean, you know in your head that whoever said that to you was being a total arse and deserves not one second of your time or attention, let alone mental and emotional energy. But your feelings tell you something else - and that can be fixed if you seek out the right help.

Tavv Mon 23-Sep-13 14:09:44

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There will be some people who think you're more attractive than the other person.

Longhotsoaks Mon 23-Sep-13 14:17:32

Yes I have always been bullied from a young age but I had to deal with I had knowone to hold my hand, sometimes I feel I deserved it or brought it upon myself.

Just recently I realise im getting older and there are some things in life you can not change looks being one , how can you change someone who judges themselves all the time ,that why I questoning things now so I can deal with I guess.

tiktok Mon 23-Sep-13 14:36:26

You are so right about knowing the difference between the things you can and can't change - and self-acceptance and self-worth is something that can be changed, even though it can be hard work to do so.

The fact you have posted here, questioning why you feel the way you do about this stupid comment from a year ago, could be a sign you are ready to face up to the challenge of valuing yourself and to start putting an end to thinking you deserve to be belittled or bullied.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 23-Sep-13 14:41:16

I, too, was bullied in childhood, very badly. Although I initially went for other reasons, the counselling helped a lot. You may be able to get CBT on the NHS but if not, look for a decent counsellor in your area. What you say resonates a lot with me and I honestly think it'll help you.

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