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To tell dp to get a grip and grow up

(132 Posts)
Joanne279 Mon 23-Sep-13 08:14:02

Seriously, I'm fuming.

This argument started last night when my ex (dad to dd1 and ds 2) dropped the kids home after a weekend at his.

My dp didn't like the way he glanced up a few times at the window at him (our lounge is on the middle floor on over 3 stories)

After the kids came upstairs, he flipped threatening to punch kids dad if he did it again. Kids were in the room. I went MENTAL! You can have your opinion but don't spout it infront of the kids!!!! Ever!!!!

He thought I was supporting ex and just got worse and worse. I went to bed at 8 to give him chance to cool off, me too as well. Thought we could talk I'm the morning once chilled.

His attitude is even worse this morning and when questioned over saying things in front of the kids he said 'so' !!!!!!!

I've told him to get a grip as my kids come over him any day off the week (we also have dd3 together) but I'm not having his sarcastic shit infrin of them. It's alot tbh. Stuff like 'yay it's daddy birthday' followed by 'like I care'

It's their dad and the end of the day. What me him or anyone else thinks can be said in private.

The ex's new girls friends mum dropped dd1 coat off at 9 last night and he went mental. I thought it was very grown up to visit my house to ensure a child had her coat for school.

Urgh. Is it me or does he need to get a grip? X x x

Mojavewonderer Sun 29-Sep-13 08:11:54

I meant 'was' the same, not 'is'

Mojavewonderer Sun 29-Sep-13 08:11:12

My husband is the same op and it's just plain and simple jealousy. I can tell you now though that my husband never speaks ill of my kids dad in front of them anymore because it was effecting his relationship with my kids which he really cares about.
He used to slate his ex in front of his kids too and I warned him that his kids would start to refuse to come and that has stopped too.
When the kids are safely tucked away in bed we can have a good old moan about the ex's ;)

raisah Sun 29-Sep-13 04:06:29

You and your ex are being mature abour the handover & your ex was good to send someone else with the coat. Get rid of your dp before his hatred of your ex prejudices his relationship with your kids, he might target target them next. If he is threatening to punch their dad, it wont be long before he threatens to punch them for something stupis.

puntasticusername Sun 29-Sep-13 00:40:00

Bloody hell. Have only just joined mn, and this thread has rather blown my socks off. Now I know why people value mn so very, very much...

OP, from the sound of it it's a very good thing that this man is now out of your life. You sound like a very strong, caring, lovely person who always puts her children first and is raising them brilliantly, if that letter from your dd is anything to go by! Keep doing the amazing job you're doing, stay strong and keep coming to mn for fantastic support, such as you've received on this thread! All the very best to you.

PedantMarina Sun 29-Sep-13 00:05:47

Re: blamers. Listen, I don't want to hijack threads (which is why I rarely post anything substantive of my own life), but if it helps, this anecdote from my own experience, an EA ex-boss who was NEVER to blame for anything: I got back into office after Christmas and Boxing Day off to hear him harangue me in a 2-page email.

What had I possibly done?

Well let's start with the fact. He came in to the office when nobody else was there, en route to his European break, and didn't remember to pick up his rucksack (which contained his passport) until he was in the queue for border control at Dover. Then he had to turn his car around and come back [to the London area] and collect said rucksack and go back, having missed at least one ferry in the interim.

He decided that it wasn't him not remembering to remember, in anticipation of an international trip, where his passport was at all times (not to mention anything else he'd left in his rucksack an hour before). No, that can't be - it was all MY FAULT because I didn't keep the office clean enough that he couldn't identify his rucksack on the floor, like, where he'd left is. And, NB, it's not like the place was cluttered - he said this because there was things that weren't desk- or chair-legs on the floor.

He actually said things like this with a straight face.

I hope this example sounds ridiculous. It's gods-honest-truth-ridiculous, and that's what I meant it to be.

KellyElly Wed 25-Sep-13 10:01:24

How are you OP?

YoureBeingADick Tue 24-Sep-13 14:48:59

hi OP- it is horrible in the first few days but do know that you have done a brilliant thing for yourself. you have taken the hardest step- the rest will come easier.

has he been in touch?

" The way he spoke to you all was wrong."
Oh, stuff that - we're fine! It's how he spoke to YOU that matters. You have a lovely thoughtful daughter and I absolutely agree with AnyFucker (now there's a surprise wink) when she says "Listen to your daughter. She is giving you her permission to keep him out of your life now. In fact, I would go so far as saying she is asking you to." Let that thought give you strength.
(((hugs)))

PedantMarina Tue 24-Sep-13 13:10:58

Concur with AnyFucker (the wisest of the Wise Women) - you should namechange and cover your tracks.

Please do PM a few of us with what it is, though.

Best of luck, Joanne

StuntGirl Tue 24-Sep-13 11:23:21

X post.

Be kind to yourself today Joanne flowers

StuntGirl Tue 24-Sep-13 11:22:56

What Dione said.

It always seems more harsh in the daylight. It doesn't mean your reasons are wrong.

Joanne279 Tue 24-Sep-13 11:21:50

I know and that sucks.

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 24-Sep-13 11:18:47

Your heart loves the man you thought he was. Not him. Unfortunately the man you thought he was doesn't exist. The stroppy, aggressive, sulky man that you dealing with is the real him.sad.

Joanne279 Tue 24-Sep-13 10:53:26

I'm in pieces. My heart loved the guy he was. My head think the guy he is, is a complete dick. I was so happy until this shit with his mum sad

FunLovinBunster Tue 24-Sep-13 08:55:44

Perhaps it's time to ask him to leave.
DCs first.

How are things today OP?

StuntGirl Mon 23-Sep-13 20:59:16

Oh what a sweet message from your daughter. Things will get better Joanne flowers

Topseyt Mon 23-Sep-13 20:50:11

Just wanted to say what a lovely daughter you have. At just 8 years old, that lovely message shows a wisdom beyond her years.

Stay strong. You have your wonderful children.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 23-Sep-13 20:42:01

OP, you are not stupid. You are not responsible for his actions. I know that you are feeling heartbroken right now, but believe me, you will find your life freer and happier in a home where you are under constant stress and treading on eggshells.

Be kind to yourself in the time ahead. Your DCs love you. You will (hopefully) find support here when you need it. The pain will fade. Check out the Lone Parents board for help and inspiration. I wish you all the best.sadsmile

Joanne279 Mon 23-Sep-13 20:34:20

Thank you everyone x

Moxiegirl Mon 23-Sep-13 20:29:14

He won't change and it will never be his fault confused
Your dd sounds like a little star. Take care x

mrspremise Mon 23-Sep-13 20:23:35

Know this. To have raised a wonderful girl who is wise beyond her years and who can express feelings in the way your DD has just done, is no mean feat for any mother. To have done it regardless of the shitty hand you have been dealt by men boys is amazing. Take that strength and hold it tight. Love your children, love yourself. All else shall pass. smile

AnyFucker Mon 23-Sep-13 20:22:54

I know thanks

Joanne279 Mon 23-Sep-13 20:16:56

Still a difficult pill to swallow right now x

AnyFucker Mon 23-Sep-13 20:12:11

Better a happy and fuckwit-free single mum than desperately trying to change a pig's ear into a purse.

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