To tell dp to get a grip and grow up

(132 Posts)
Joanne279 Mon 23-Sep-13 08:14:02

Seriously, I'm fuming.

This argument started last night when my ex (dad to dd1 and ds 2) dropped the kids home after a weekend at his.

My dp didn't like the way he glanced up a few times at the window at him (our lounge is on the middle floor on over 3 stories)

After the kids came upstairs, he flipped threatening to punch kids dad if he did it again. Kids were in the room. I went MENTAL! You can have your opinion but don't spout it infront of the kids!!!! Ever!!!!

He thought I was supporting ex and just got worse and worse. I went to bed at 8 to give him chance to cool off, me too as well. Thought we could talk I'm the morning once chilled.

His attitude is even worse this morning and when questioned over saying things in front of the kids he said 'so' !!!!!!!

I've told him to get a grip as my kids come over him any day off the week (we also have dd3 together) but I'm not having his sarcastic shit infrin of them. It's alot tbh. Stuff like 'yay it's daddy birthday' followed by 'like I care'

It's their dad and the end of the day. What me him or anyone else thinks can be said in private.

The ex's new girls friends mum dropped dd1 coat off at 9 last night and he went mental. I thought it was very grown up to visit my house to ensure a child had her coat for school.

Urgh. Is it me or does he need to get a grip? X x x

AnyFucker Mon 23-Sep-13 09:32:04

Why are you putting up with this manchild ? confused

YoureBeingADick Mon 23-Sep-13 09:32:18

I couldnt hate my exp more than i do now but if anyone even spoke negatively about him infront of my dcs never mind threatened to harm him they would be out of my house and out of my life from that point onwards. I cant beleive you let him stay the night after doing that to your dcs!

Joanne279 Mon 23-Sep-13 09:37:47

The thing is she's not told you everything. She has made me out to be the bad person. Yeah I admitted I shouldn't have said anything like that in front of the eldest child. I was fuming. He has threatened me on occasions before now and Joanne279 has done nothing to stop it. Also in front of the kids. But I do it I'm wrong. I think unless you all know the whole story you shouldn't base an opinion.

MrsKoala Mon 23-Sep-13 09:39:10

oh dear sad

BrokenSunglasses Mon 23-Sep-13 09:40:34

You are not being a good parent to your children if you allow them to live with these comments so frequently. Really, you're not.

It's your job to protect them from people who will damage their emotions and their confidence, and at the moment you are allowing it to happen and making excuses for it?

Do you think that your children don't feel horrible about the things he says just because they can't identify or articulate their feelings in an adult way yet?

When someone criticises a child's parent, they are pretty much criticising the child. Children haven't done enough living on their own to be able to feel like they are valuable in their own right, they just know that they came from their two parents, and if they are made to believe one of them is crap, then they wonder if maybe they are too.

Your partner has proved he is too immature to get a grip and hold on to it. You children do not deserve to live with someone that belittles where they came from so much.

Chusband Mon 23-Sep-13 09:40:48

You need to be careful what you let the kids see and hear. If you hate the ex, fume and rant away from them, not in front of them.

LittlePeaPod Mon 23-Sep-13 09:43:43

Joanne partner. You are kidding arent you. You actually have the nerve o try and justify your behaviour in front of little kids! If this is you, there is nothing on this earth that justifies you behaving like this in front of the kids. Your behaviour is emotionally abusive towards the children. I don't care what her exDP did or said to you. You deal with it in private. You need to grow up and act like an adult. Personally I think she needs to drop your childish, immature and verbally abusive arse quicker than a red hot poker. Get a grip of yourself!

SilverApples Mon 23-Sep-13 09:43:45

My opinion is that whatever shit the adults have going on between them, the children should not be involved, see or hear any conflict or be aware of how angry you are about their father.
If you can't deal with that, you should not be involved with a woman who already has children, and she should prioritise them over any other realationship. Including the emotional wellbeing of the daughter she has had with you.
You are an adult, now you need the maturity and self-control that should be part of the package.

WhereMyMilk Mon 23-Sep-13 09:44:27

You two need to talk, seriously.

Otherwise both dads will be dropping their kids off after their contact weekend...

BrokenSunglasses Mon 23-Sep-13 09:44:42

Erm, ok.

Yes, you are still wrong. The ex doing it doesn't make it ok for you to do it. She can't do anything about her ex's behaviour, and she isn't living with him. She is stuck with him as the father of her children, so what exactly do you expect her to do about it? Have a row with him at drop off and upset her dc even further?

Maybe she expects more from the man she has chosen to be with now. Perhaps she was hoping for better from you so the fact that you are acting like a child lets her down and disappoints her more than when the ex does it, because she's already come to the realisation that he's a twat, but she thought better of you.

YoureBeingADick Mon 23-Sep-13 09:45:11

You need to remove yourself from this home if you cannot trust yourself not to threaten violence every time you see their father- they deserve to live in a violence free home and you have an obligation to make it that way by removing yourself if you aren't willing to seek professional help for your anger issues. Be a man.

BrokenSunglasses Mon 23-Sep-13 09:46:19

Oh, and you don't need to hear a whole story to know that it is wrong to criticise or belittle a child's parent in front of them.

The context that makes that ok does not exist, so actually, the full story is irrelevant.

AnyFucker Mon 23-Sep-13 09:47:02

Oh, fgs

The ridiculous partner has rocked up ?

Take your dirty laundry elsewhere, you are both behaving badly here

SilverApples Mon 23-Sep-13 09:47:32

OP, what is it that you love about this man?
What makes him different to your ex?

Joanne279 Mon 23-Sep-13 09:52:42

She said nothing to him. I don't really care what people on here have to say its not you're argument! I was just putting a little perspective on the situation. I said I was wrong. I'm not saying anything else no doubt she will. And you wanna go on about growing up well I think a few of you need to take a look in the mirror!!!

IShouldNotBeHere Mon 23-Sep-13 09:56:02

partner. It doesn't matter if he's threatened you, its not very nice but you need to rise above it.

That doesn't make it ok to slag off the children's dad in front of them. That is damaging to them and definitely not ok. This is about the children not you and you need to grow up.

So what if he looks at you? A mature secure man wouldn't be bothered by that to the extent that they go ape shit in front of children. If you can't control yourself then you shouldn't be a step dad.

Your partner is doing the right thing in trying to maintain polite relations with her children's dad and you shouldn't even attempt to stop that. To kick off because his girlfriends mum pops a coat round is ridiculous and pathetic! Why on earth would you be bothered about that? Sounds like the mum was being nice.

Op. It sounds like you've chosen a new partner very similar to your ex without even realising it. They are both aggressive and hyped up on testosterone. Its ridiculous. I would have a serious think about the sort of man you want your children to grow up with and what example that is setting to them.

YoureBeingADick Mon 23-Sep-13 09:56:35

Yes you sound very mature and willing to change your behaviour hmm

LittlePeaPod Mon 23-Sep-13 09:56:45

Joanne you need to leave this situation. He clearly doesn't even understand how his behaviour will impact your DC. Your DC come first...

YoureBeingADick Mon 23-Sep-13 09:57:51

And how do you know he looked at you ( what age are you? 4??) unless you were already looking at him?

YoureBeingADick Mon 23-Sep-13 09:59:30

Joanne pet you are with another immature idiot who will never see why he cant behave like that- do right by your children and get them out of this horrible life! Dont wait for him to change- he wont- he doesnt want to.

SilverApples Mon 23-Sep-13 10:03:02

'And you wanna go on about growing up well I think a few of you need to take a look in the mirror!!!'

Really? In what sense are we not taking a mature and objective look at your situation?

Sparklysilversequins Mon 23-Sep-13 10:03:35

You sound like a right pair of immature doughnuts and it is quite clear that you should not be together performing like this in front of your children. However you WILL stay together won't you? Making everyone else thoroughly miserable, especially your children all in the name of your "love" hmm. Pathetic.

AnyFucker Mon 23-Sep-13 10:03:45

Joanne, if this is real, you have swopped one dickhead for another, love.

SilverApples Mon 23-Sep-13 10:06:49

You still plan on getting married in March?
Think on.
Send him back to his mother.

Whoknowswhocares Mon 23-Sep-13 10:09:36

Partner....
So you have decided that because the ex is acting like a dick, that you should do so too? Except you will up the ante and involve the children in your pathetic power play?
Great. You win. You are clearly better at acting like a vindictive 4 year old than the ex. Congratulations.
Your likely prize?
One shiny new divorce.

He is the ex for a reason, you moron

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