To tell dp to get a grip and grow up

(132 Posts)
Joanne279 Mon 23-Sep-13 08:14:02

Seriously, I'm fuming.

This argument started last night when my ex (dad to dd1 and ds 2) dropped the kids home after a weekend at his.

My dp didn't like the way he glanced up a few times at the window at him (our lounge is on the middle floor on over 3 stories)

After the kids came upstairs, he flipped threatening to punch kids dad if he did it again. Kids were in the room. I went MENTAL! You can have your opinion but don't spout it infront of the kids!!!! Ever!!!!

He thought I was supporting ex and just got worse and worse. I went to bed at 8 to give him chance to cool off, me too as well. Thought we could talk I'm the morning once chilled.

His attitude is even worse this morning and when questioned over saying things in front of the kids he said 'so' !!!!!!!

I've told him to get a grip as my kids come over him any day off the week (we also have dd3 together) but I'm not having his sarcastic shit infrin of them. It's alot tbh. Stuff like 'yay it's daddy birthday' followed by 'like I care'

It's their dad and the end of the day. What me him or anyone else thinks can be said in private.

The ex's new girls friends mum dropped dd1 coat off at 9 last night and he went mental. I thought it was very grown up to visit my house to ensure a child had her coat for school.

Urgh. Is it me or does he need to get a grip? X x x

StuntBottom Mon 23-Sep-13 08:16:49

He sounds very immature and jealous. I'd be very wary of having him in my life, let alone my children's.

He's acting like a spoilt kid. Has he always had these huge issues with your ex. Would he prefer there to be an atmosphere of hatred and animosity and your kids to be unhappy at never seeing their father?

I don't know where you can go from here but he needs a wake up call.

StuntGirl Mon 23-Sep-13 08:17:18

Has he always been like this?

Georgethesmartestgiant Mon 23-Sep-13 08:19:23

Not sure I'd be willing to put with that attitude to be honest.

Joanne279 Mon 23-Sep-13 08:19:37

He'makes these kind of comments alot. I've told him to stop. Sometimes he improved but them it slips out.

I don't rxactkh like the ex either but it's not fair on the kids to hear bickering when he picks them up. So I make polite small talk so the kids feel at ease. He doesn't understand why I'm nice to him. Think we should swap the kids in silence. X

Morgause Mon 23-Sep-13 08:19:53

What a horrible man.

StuntGirl Mon 23-Sep-13 08:26:10

YANBU. If he can't keep his petty sarcasm to himself he's going to have to make himself scarce during drop offs, fornthe sake of the children.

Have you previously made it clear he is not to bad mouth the dad in front of the kids? How is his behaviour in other ways?

Joanne279 Mon 23-Sep-13 08:28:23

Yes I've made it perfectly clear. He's insecure be cause I make polite small talk. Apparently that means I must still live him. Um, DEFO not!

Joanne279 Mon 23-Sep-13 08:28:43

*love him.

3littlefrogs Mon 23-Sep-13 08:29:11

Do you see a happy future for you and your DC with this man?

Joanne279 Mon 23-Sep-13 08:31:50

Yes if he could get a bit of a grip sad

clam Mon 23-Sep-13 08:34:02

I'm sure that this can't be the only area where his behaviour is unpleasant. Does he have much conflict in his life generally? If so, then I would say that's a massive red flag - although it's possibly a little late for that if you already have a child with him.

whois Mon 23-Sep-13 08:38:19

Why are you with him? AIBU has really opened my eyes to the shit decisions people make in respect of their partners. He sounds like a total tool, and not only do you live with him, you had another baby with him?

LittlePeaPod Mon 23-Sep-13 08:43:44

He seriously needs to grow up and get a grip...

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 23-Sep-13 08:51:09

He sounds awful. It must be a terrible environment for your children to be forced to grow up in. Not to mention it can't be a happy life for you.

If someone can't accept that their partner has children with another person, and accept that that means being civil, then they have no business being in a relationship with someone who has children.

What is your 'line'? The point at which you will say no, this is enough, my children deserve to be protected from growing up with this man's poison? I don't deserve to have to deal with this?

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 23-Sep-13 08:51:10

Not good. Not sure you are being helpful whois you can't undo having a child with someone...

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 23-Sep-13 08:51:54

And what Hec said, obs...

MrsKoala Mon 23-Sep-13 08:58:30

He sounds frightening, paranoid, possessive and childish. It sounds like he's sulking because you had someone in your life before him and it's manifesting itself in really damaging behaviour in front of your children. You really must stop this you know. It isn't remotely normal or acceptable.

MrsOakenshield Mon 23-Sep-13 08:59:32

he sounds dreadful. And your final comment, that he went mental because your dd's coat was returned, which was a very kind thing to do, was the icing on the cake - I would love to hear what his justification was for getting upset about that!

Joanne279 Mon 23-Sep-13 09:03:43

Don't think whois is being all that helpful either. Buy hey...

We talk and sort it out, then later he'll flare up.

He doesn't have any conflict with anyone. The opposite infant. He never stands up for himself. Then stews on it.

This is learned behaviour from his mum sad do as I say and go ALL OUT to prove your loyalty, or I sulk and sulk til we agree to disagree but secretly thinking he was right all along sad

MrsKoala Mon 23-Sep-13 09:13:28

What exactly does he really expect OP? Does he secretly wish your dc never saw their father? and possibly in some deluded part of his mind think this may be achievable? Does he want you to meet your Ex at a different location so he doesn't need to be reminded of your disloyalty (presumably by having sex with someone before you met him)? DOes he think you need to be downright rude to everyone you've ever slept with to prove he's the best? I don't understand what his problem is.

LittlePeaPod Mon 23-Sep-13 09:15:14

The point from my perspective is he can sulk and behave appallingly behind closed doors if you are happy to deal with the shit personally I couldn't be with someone so clearly immature and insecure BUT, he is shouting, threatening and belittling your DCs father in front of them and he actually tells you he doesn't care that he behaves this way in front of them. Which to me says he doesn't care about their welfare. This is not a good environment for you DC to grow up in. It will be damaging and utimately their welfare should be priority. If this is normal behaviour and he does this frequently in front of the DC, personally I do not understand how you could stay in this relationship. Surely the DC mental health and well-being should be priority above and beyond this man. Sorry Op but I think you need to take a bit of responsibilty for staying in a situation were your kids have to live with this and hear your DP behave this way.

SilverApples Mon 23-Sep-13 09:22:23

It bewilders me on MN, the number of women who choose to live with a man who is so corrosive and abusive . Fine of you are on your own,it's your choice as an adult, but what a totally shit environment to be bringing your children up in.
Why are you with him? Has he always been like this?

KellyElly Mon 23-Sep-13 09:26:32

Hmmm really not good in front of the kids. I would be really questioning whether I wanted someone in my life who has such little regard for the effect he was having on my children. He sounds like a spoilt man child and you need to tell him you won't tolerate that shit in front of your children EVER again. If he won't do this and as you say your children come first you'll have to think about your future with him.

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