AIBU to expect my ex to wash the kids uniforms on the w/es he has them?!

(63 Posts)
Gossipmonster Sun 22-Sep-13 21:13:26

Background - been divorced for 7/8 yrs.

Great relationship until he met new partner has been with her 5 yrs and she has 11 yr old DD (so she has a school uniform).

She has meddled and stirred over the yrs to the point that Ex H and I no longer speak and the kids hate her (solely because she is mean to them). They choose to go in spite if her to have a relationship with their dad. They are 14 and 16 so old enough to choose although sometimes I feel they are going into a borderline mental abuse situation sad.

He has always refused to wash the kids uniforms when he has them. He even stops off here at home so they can leave their uniform here for me to wash. I have asked a few times for him to wash them when I have been going away but the kids have always come back saying he's said the washing machine broken/they have done their mixed/white wash this week so the uniforms are still dirty. hmm.

OH was here (we have 5 of our kids here every other weekend 2 DSDs who I would not dream of sending back to their mum with dirty clothes) when they stopped in on Friday and made them take their uniforms (it's 6 items of clothing) as we were going away.

They have returned saying their dad told them Friday night he didn't have time to do them although the kids watched him wash and iron her DDS uniform confused so now I have to send 2 teenagers to school tomorrow wearing jumpers they have worn for a week probably stinking and dirty on school photo day (they are woollen and new so don't want to risk tumble drying tonight and I could only afford to buy them 1 jumper each).

I just cannot understand why he needs to be such a dick and how she a mother herself could deliberately not wash her step children's clothes sad.

Darkesteyes Sun 22-Sep-13 21:15:58

HE could have washed them.

Gossipmonster Sun 22-Sep-13 21:18:01

Sorry - I didn't mean it was her responsibility - that came out wrong.

Yes HE should wash them.

motherinferior Sun 22-Sep-13 21:18:25

Or they could have put them in the machine themselves.

Gossipmonster Sun 22-Sep-13 21:19:22

They are not allowed to use the washing machine at their house.

TigerBabyyy Sun 22-Sep-13 21:19:33

This is a very common problem.

Its not his partners responsibility to wash your childrens clothing.

It doesnt take much i know, but dont blame her, blame him.

Is it possible to buy another uniform set to avoid them having dirty clothing on at the start of the week?

mineofuselessinformation Sun 22-Sep-13 21:19:47

Tell him (if he lives near enough) to drop uniforms round on a Friday, or let the kids wash them as it's unfair to them.

mrspremise Sun 22-Sep-13 21:20:00

Do they only have one set of uniform, iut of interest.. ExH should totally be pulling a bit of weight and washing them, FFS

Gossipmonster Sun 22-Sep-13 21:20:33

TBH I was also pissed off with OH for sending them as I knew this would happen and I would rather avoid the stress and just do it myself.

TigerBabyyy Sun 22-Sep-13 21:21:45

Could you make it a rule where if hes not willing to wash them over the weekend, he will have to ensure the uniform is with you on the fri night

Darkesteyes Sun 22-Sep-13 21:22:54

Gossip is he a tightwad I had an ex who used to shout at me for being in the shower for longer than three mins.

Is this whats behind it?

Gossipmonster Sun 22-Sep-13 21:23:41

No it's not her responsibility but when I wash my kids uniforms I also wash my DSDs too - because it's no hassle and its not fair to expect their mum to do it on a Sunday night - and why wouldn't you?

NachoAddict Sun 22-Sep-13 21:23:57

I wouldn't dream of sending dsd home with dirty clothes but dp probably wouldn't be bothered either way. If they went in the wash they went in if not he would just send them back. I purposefully save enough whites for a wash to make sure dsd's shirt goes hine clean.

Your ex definitely should have done it but if the 'family' washing is done by his partner then she should included that of her dsd's as part of her family.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Sun 22-Sep-13 21:24:24

Yes can he not see that he's not doing you a favour by washing them, but is letting his dd down by not washing them?

YANBU

Gossipmonster Sun 22-Sep-13 21:25:41

He does drop the uniform off (which I feel is highly twatish as they have to wash her DDs too) he makes a special trip like I am the fucking launderette.

This was a one off/occasional request when I am away and not sat next to my washing machine all weekend.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Sun 22-Sep-13 21:25:58

If he really isn't going to wash them, or let them do it would he consider buying them a 2nd jumper each?

MrsLettuce Sun 22-Sep-13 21:26:02

If HE (like an arse) wont launder the uniforms he should be buying a second full set of uniform for each DC, to be worn in the week following their visits to him.

MrsLettuce Sun 22-Sep-13 21:26:33

x

TigerBabyyy Sun 22-Sep-13 21:26:39

Op

Its nice you do it for your step child, but just because you do it, it doesnt mean she has to do it.

You seem bitter that the step mum wont do something to help you.

Blame the father

BruthasTortoise Sun 22-Sep-13 21:26:49

Firstly your ex is a dick an should've washed the uniforms. I'm unclear though - did your ex pick the kids up from your house and your DP made them take the uniforms even though he knew that the ex wouldn't wash them?

Enb76 Sun 22-Sep-13 21:27:11

They are 14 and 16, they can surely wash their own clothes.

AllDirections Sun 22-Sep-13 21:27:40

Of course YANBU

But don't expect your ex to change because he probably won't and his DP sounds vile too. I could never wash my own kids uniforms and not do the same for any other child who was staying here. My ex doesn't wash my DD's uniforms either but they've got more than one of everything except blazers. But he won't wash stuff even if it is needed.

Maybe you (or the DC) could wash their uniforms on a Thurs evening so they won't be too dirty on the Monday.

Darkesteyes Sun 22-Sep-13 21:27:48

Nacho what would your DP do if you were ill

RandomMess Sun 22-Sep-13 21:29:00

Can I just be clear:

The girls aren't allowed to use the washing machine at their Dad's house
Dad won't wash them so drops them of at their Mum's house

He's an arse, that's why he's your ex!

AllDirections Sun 22-Sep-13 21:29:01

No it's not her responsibility but when I wash my kids uniforms I also wash my DSDs too - because it's no hassle and its not fair to expect their mum to do it on a Sunday night - and why wouldn't you?

I agree and you sound lovely OP.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now