to decline baby shower invitation?

(33 Posts)
picniclady Fri 20-Sep-13 13:55:51

A long-term friend of mine has decided to have a baby shower, actually two baby showers, one for friends and one for family. I'm invited to the 'friends' one. It is being organised by her best friend and involves an expensi. As afternoon tea a trendy part of London (£25 per head basic price, excluding service and extras, price includes some cake, a pot of tea and some mini sandwiches) in a cafe. Champagne is optional but knowing some of her friends they will indulge.

I''ve been friends with her a long time, but don't live locally, see her about quarterly for a catch up lunch etc.we don't usually speak between visits. My reason for declining is partly the expense (I imagine her friends will want to split the bill and I can't pay just the (expensive) basic £25 cost. Add in train fare and gift and it's very costly, I don't really have spare cash for all this. It is also due to my dislike of baby showers, I find it all pretty ott and never had one myself.

I've arranged to see her on a different weekend, am buying her a nice baby gift from John Lewis etc, but feel bad for declining the baby shower invitation due to 'husband working away that weekend so I have to look after dc'.

picniclady Fri 20-Sep-13 21:45:50

Thanks for all the responses. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks expensive and elaborate venues for baby showers etc are over the top. II'd love to go if it was a cup of tea and cakes at her house, but the current plan is way ott.

raisah Fri 20-Sep-13 18:29:04

If she wants to have the baby shower, then she should foot the bill. Another way to get the guest into paying for the celebration & getting a gift out of it with minimal outlay for the host. Very greedy & bad mannered.

SconeRhymesWithGone Fri 20-Sep-13 18:06:21

I think big 'events' for life events are getting a bit out of hand.

This is true in the US as well. I have a friend whose daughter wanted a baby shower on the scale of a wedding reception: at night, couples invited, swanky venue, 60-plus people. Needless to say no one jumped at the chance to host it for her.

Luckily the norm where I live is still an afternoon gathering in someone's home with finger sandwiches and cake.

AmandaPandtheNightmareMonsters Fri 20-Sep-13 17:48:49

Nope. You are being totally reasonable.

I think big 'events' for life events are getting a bit out of hand. If you have a baby shower in my town, I will come round, eat cake and bring a little pressie (just won't buy another when the baby is born as I would have done otherwise). Faffing with hotels and trains and masses of expense - no.

Same rule goes for hen nights, unless I am incredibly close to the hen I'm not trekking across the country and spending a fortune on it.

There seem to be multiplying opportunities to expect friends and family to spend loads of money to 'celebrate with you' when most of those people would far rather save the money for a visit when the baby is born, or spend that hen weekend money on a holiday that they themselves have chosen (or the gas bill...).

SconeRhymesWithGone Fri 20-Sep-13 17:43:40

What sameoldIggi said. I am American so have been to many baby showers in my lifetime. I have never been invited to one where the guests were expected to pay for the food. The hosts should be doing that (and so having it on whatever scale they can afford).

Tommy Fri 20-Sep-13 17:42:20

surely a baby shower is something that someone else organises for you? hmm
I had one - a complete surprise - that a friend hosted at her house on a Sunday afternoon with tea and cake. It was just lovely smile No expectations or assumptions - just a group of women having a cuppa and a chat

sameoldIggi Fri 20-Sep-13 17:37:13

I would have thought a baby shower should be a catered event, like going to a birthday party, you pay for a present but the host pays for the refreshments.

I've never been invited to a baby shower and I'm quite pleased about that.

You have a perfect true and valid excuse and have no need to feel guilty.

pigletmania Fri 20-Sep-13 17:04:25

Yanbu at all. It sounds very expensive, yes tat is a good get out clause. See her at a different time.

drivingmisslazy Fri 20-Sep-13 16:37:38

YANBU I think you have done the right thing.

BarnYardCow Fri 20-Sep-13 16:27:43

YANBU , I prefer to wait until the baby has arrived safely.

expatinscotland Fri 20-Sep-13 14:24:37

YANBU. Stop feeling guilty!

karinmaria Fri 20-Sep-13 14:21:39

YANBU for not going but YABU for feeling guilty about it!

wonderingsoul Fri 20-Sep-13 14:20:21

ynbu.

i liek baby showers, its a bit of fun... but that is to much.

all baby shwoers iv been to and held for people have been at their places. throw some decorations up.. put some games together.. guess the nappy is my favourite wink

paying ahead for that is crazy and i wouldnt be going.. unless i had plenty of money to spend on stupied shit liek that

MissStrawberry Fri 20-Sep-13 14:16:31

An invitation is an offer, not a legal demand..

ohmymimi Fri 20-Sep-13 14:12:44

Ah, another celeberatory money spinner abomination from our mates across the pond. A big, loving hug should be gift enough for anyone.

specialsubject Fri 20-Sep-13 14:11:44

definitely time for a subsequent engagement.

buy something when the baby arrives.

Lj8893 Fri 20-Sep-13 14:04:41

Yanbu! I wouldn't have even made an excuse up, I would have said I'm really sorry but I can't justify spending that sort of money.

I don't get these expensive baby showers, hen dos etc!

I'm having a baby shower that my best friend is organising, its in my partners mums pub and food will be provided. So all anybody will need to buy is their drinks. And I have made it very clear I don't expect gifts!

Lottapianos Fri 20-Sep-13 14:04:31

YANBU, sounds crackers. I have a no-baby-shower and no-hen-night policy myself <hard faced cow>

Buy your mate a nice gift or arrange to meet her another time just the two of you - whatever you feel like doing.

meganorks Fri 20-Sep-13 14:04:29

YANBU
Baby showers are a bit much I think (luckily never been invited to one!). If you aren't local then the expense will be a lot more and reason enough for not going. And if you have kids already then they need to be the priority. Don't feel guilty. If she is a decent friend then she will understand.

geekgal Fri 20-Sep-13 14:04:05

Don't feel bad, I declined one recently not because of expense but because I don't agree with the whole baby/wedding shower/hen do away thing etc etc. I didn't say that, just that I couldn't make it and then took her a present after the birth, she made no mention of it. If you don't agree with them and can't afford it then it would be a poor friend who would force you to take part!

flowery Fri 20-Sep-13 14:04:03

You are expected to pay for your attendance at a party?! No way. Seeing her another time and buying a baby gift when the time comes is perfectly fine and generous.

WorraLiberty Fri 20-Sep-13 14:03:23

YANBU what a load of fuss just because she's pregnant shock

Gooseysgirl Fri 20-Sep-13 14:03:21

And as an aside, I'm also anti-baby shower and don't go to them... I made one exception for an American friend!

SirChenjin Fri 20-Sep-13 14:03:06

No - you are a very sensible person for declining! Baby showers are the work of the devil - just do what we've always done in the UK and take along a present once the baby is actually here. £25 plus travel and champagne and a present is a hell of a lot of money to stump up shock

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