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AIBU to not want BIL looking after DD

(126 Posts)
sewingsue Thu 19-Sep-13 21:23:30

BIL lives abroad and visits for 2 weeks every year. This visit he says he wants to take DD, age 2, out for the day by himself. I've said no as DD doesn't know him and he doesn't know her.

DH is cross that I'm making things difficult for him with his brother as BIL is asking why we don't trust him. To me it's not about BIL, it's about DD.

Am I being overly protective?

Catsize Thu 19-Sep-13 21:25:42

I think that pre-kids, I wouldn't have understood why this was a problem, but I do now. See how he and your daughter get on when he is here, and if they seem to get on well, suggest he takes her out for the afternoon or something?

MorphandChas Thu 19-Sep-13 21:26:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OliviaPope Thu 19-Sep-13 21:27:22

No, YANBU. I wouldn't be happy about it either. At that age, children need to be with adults who know them, their likes and dislikes etc. Why doesn't BIL want you to be there?

jacks365 Thu 19-Sep-13 21:27:27

No yanbu. Ok he is her uncle but she doesn't know him. My dd doesn't spend enough time with her grandparents to enjoy a day out with them, I wish she could but time and distance play a part.

TheFallenNinja Thu 19-Sep-13 21:28:41

Not in a million years, where exactly does this fella want to go, for a day with a 2 YO?

McNewPants2013 Thu 19-Sep-13 21:29:16

Why not in the 2nd week.

They will both have a week to get to know each other, would taking her out for a few hours be that much of a problem. I am sure BIL wouldn't keep an upset 2 year old out and would phone you to say he was on his way back.

Eilidhbelle Thu 19-Sep-13 21:30:42

Nope, YADNBU. Can you not all go out? You could book a really packed day out to the zoo or something so you can spend lots of time together. But I wouldn't be happy with them being alone if they don't know each other.

sewingsue Thu 19-Sep-13 21:31:11

He wants to take her to the zoo.
I've suggested we all go out together instead but discussion is all around why I won't let him take DD by himself

quoteunquote Thu 19-Sep-13 21:31:55

Nope, if you don't want to that is the reason,

and any reason is good enough when it comes to having a say in who has unsupervised access to your child.

sewingsue Thu 19-Sep-13 21:32:46

He's really busy for most of the 2 weeks catching up with friends so we don't have time for them to get to know each other first

At two years old? No way would that be happening. Eight years old, depending on how they had been getting on, maybe.

pianodoodle Thu 19-Sep-13 21:33:24

If he only visits for 2 weeks a year it seems odd that he'd want to take her out by himself and not spend the time with all of you.

YANBU anyway.

MrsGarlic Thu 19-Sep-13 21:33:29

Er, YADNBU. She doesn't know him FFS! Even at nurseries and childminders they have settling-in sessions don't they? Why does he even want to take her out by himself? Why can't you all go out together? (not asking you, I see you've suggested it but YKWIM.)

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Thu 19-Sep-13 21:33:59

YANBU she is 2 for crying outloud. If she was a little older say 5 or so I wouldnt have a problem as long as child was happy but at 2 when she doesn't know him and vice versa? nope I woulfnt be happy either.

basgetti Thu 19-Sep-13 21:34:37

YANBU. Why is he arguing with you about this? No one has the right to alone time with someone else's children, he should just respect your wishes and spend this visit getting to know DD with you around.

McNewPants2013 Thu 19-Sep-13 21:35:49

I then take back my post, i wrongly assumed he was staying for the whole 2 weeks with you.

Why don't you all go together and if they're getting on well he can take her off for a bit while you and dh have a coffee together or something? Emphasise that you don't have an issue with bil and would be happy for him to have her on her own if he knew her or she was older but that it's not fair to either of them to be put in this position when they don't know each other.

YANBU

ThisIsBULLSHIT Thu 19-Sep-13 21:36:17

Why does he want to do that? And why is he kicking off about it when you said no? Very weird.

myroomisatip Thu 19-Sep-13 21:36:31

No you are definitely NBU... no way ever would i agree to this. And actually, I wonder why he would want to do this so desperately?

BumbleChum Thu 19-Sep-13 21:37:13

Can he change nappies? No single uncle wants to get involved with that one. Has he even thought about the practicalities? Let him get up early and entertain her in the house while you have a lie in - see how we'll be does at that!

IrisWildthyme Thu 19-Sep-13 21:37:34

Pre-kids-of-my-own I occasionally took a 2y.o. out for the day alone - but only after she knew me really well having spent many occasions with me and her mum together. It is totally not unreasonable to refuse this this year. If he visits for 2 weeks once a year I would expect to schedule fun days out with him and you/DH this visit and the visit age 3 - giving your DD hopefully sufficient memories of fun-uncle-insertnamehere that at age 4 she'll be happy to have a day out alone with him.

myroomisatip Thu 19-Sep-13 21:38:30

Yes THIS IS BULLSHit I think it is weird too.

HavantGuard Thu 19-Sep-13 21:39:08

I don't think it's at all weird that he wants to do this and am rather hmm at those who do. I do think it sounds like he doesn't really know much about children. It would be a long time without any familiar faces around and your DD doesn't know him very well.

BumbleChum Thu 19-Sep-13 21:40:42

-well he does

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