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To be a bit hmm about a person who said she couldn't get on with women?

(182 Posts)
TheRunawayTrain Thu 19-Sep-13 20:46:19

Apparently female friendships are bitchy (implied/said but not in those words) and so on hmm

I thought we were making friends too. Then I mention I'm friends with this woman who does x (she was talking about that subject so was relevant) and she starts.

AIBU? I asked her why she was writing off half the population (in politer ways) and the conversation carried on awkwardly as we both disagreed, but didn't get heated much. I can remember one woman at university saying something similar. I think dismissing being friends with people for their gender is hmm especially as she's a woman herself!

MrsWolowitz Fri 20-Sep-13 07:54:08

YANBU.

It's a very immature thing to say. It smacks of trying to be 'one of the lads' and I'm very hmm about women who make such a statement.

BinksToEnlightenment Fri 20-Sep-13 08:01:39

I prefer to be friends with men, but I do have female friends. My female friends are the type that prefer to be friends with men too.

I enjoy the rough and tumble banter you get with guys. It's nothing personal against women. I'm happy to hang out with women and be friends with them. I just find it easier to make friends with men.

BanjoPlayingTiger Fri 20-Sep-13 08:02:38

As a general rule I tend to get on better with men than women. However this isn't because I think all women are bitchy or anything else, but more that a lot of my interests are more traditionally male. I do have good female friends, I also have good male friends but tend to find it easier to form friendships initially with men as I generally have more in common with them.

Preciousbane Fri 20-Sep-13 08:39:17

I try and like human beings regardless of gender but am not in the least bit feminine. I actually think the women I work with are incredibly feminine. They really do talk about handbags and I do sit there with a
confused look but try desperately to feign interest. These women have quite openly said I am a bit odd.

geekgal Fri 20-Sep-13 08:48:10

You get rough and tumble banter with women, you even said it yourself, it's not a " male " thing - did you see the Christmas play thread?! grin

FavoriteThings Fri 20-Sep-13 08:57:12

I think that in certain circles and or occupations, more bitchy women exist. So if you are in that particular occupation and/or move in certain circles, then your perception is skewed.
But everyones' perceptions are skewed to a greater or lesser extent.

jasminerose Fri 20-Sep-13 09:03:43

Woman that say this are like women that say all mens are dicks etc. Its something wrong with them that they keep making poor choices

TheYamiOfYawn Fri 20-Sep-13 09:24:54

I have some friends who have very few female friends because they work in very male-dominated areas and have hobbies which tend to appeal more to men, and who have had a bit of a geeky style of social skills. In most cases they started making female friends when their male friends started settling down in long-term relationships and they started meeting women who were attracted to geeky men and so also enjoyed the company of geeky women but were un-geeky enough to be a more forward in the early stages of building a friendship.

LessMissAbs Fri 20-Sep-13 09:32:21

Well I guess that explains those women who change from ranting harridans to simpering she devils as soon as a man is around, like a switch has been flipped. Its pretty sad.

They've probably worked out that other women aren't going to run around after them in case they get a shag.

geekgal indeed you do get banter, but not with the permanent ego boost of thinking they all fancy you a bit (and that you understand them so much better than their girlfriends..)

;-)

Damnautocorrect Fri 20-Sep-13 09:35:09

I used to say that, and I used to have a lot of men as friends. But that was because my friendship experience was based on bitchy bully girls at school, so of course boys make better friends.
But now I'm a bit older I realise not all girls are like that.

specialsubject Fri 20-Sep-13 09:36:01

Laurie what nonsense. You are saying that women are only friends with men so they can be admired. Look to your own insecurities.

I generally find men more interesting company because they are unlikely to jabber about clothes, shoes, handbags, makeup, fake tan etc etc. But if they were jabbering about football I would also not be interested.

friend is a friend.If you have stuff in common, gender is irrelevant.

mercibucket Fri 20-Sep-13 09:36:36

a lot of people say their husband is their best friend, certainly it is true for me.
i also prefer 'banter' with men as it tends to just be lighthearted and cracking jokes. less women do that, but if they do, i like talking to them too

special

Not saying that at all, have plenty of male friends with whom I don't have that sort of relationship.

I was saying that women who only say that they want to be with men have dubious reasons.

Youre not saying that are you? That you only have male friends, that you can't be friends with women?

BinksToEnlightenment Fri 20-Sep-13 10:56:38

It's nothing to do with being admired. That would suggest that all men fancy me, which isn't the case at all. I'm making friends with people, not racking up ego boosters.

geekgal Fri 20-Sep-13 11:22:44

I think the banter bit can be a flirty ego boost or it can purely be preferring the type of conversation, there's nothing inherently wrong with either. But I tend to find the word " banter " refers more to work situations than close friends, and (wrongly) women are taught that there can be only one - they must compete with each other because they won't get the men's jobs, that's just a fact, so I find wherever I've worked women are usually on tender hooks a little more - after all, they not only have to compete with each other for the low paid jobs, they must be able to convince their superiors (mostly men) that they are " the one ". At the company I'm in now there are a lot of jobs, but only 3 that are traditionally held by women. There are as many women as men who apply for jobs with us, though, so no wonder the guys can all banter and the ladies seem to lack a bit of a sense of humor!! Their conversation probably improves a bit when they go home and complain about the crap job they can't get promoted from because some dood who's been there 2 days got promoted first!

But that's a whole different kettle of monkeys there...

SeaSickSal Fri 20-Sep-13 11:29:50

I believe it was me. And I didn't say I don't get on with women. I do have several very close female friends and am also close to my Mum and my Gran.

But I do find that more women are nasty than are not. I would say a good 65% of women are bitchy and horrible.

It takes me a long time to trust other women.

I find a lot of them will go all out to be vicious to someone simply because they 'don't like them'. Not that they've done anything wrong, just that they're not their cup of tea so they think that gives them the right to treat them like shit. And they actively enjoy doing it.

And to be quite frank a lot of people on this thread saying 'Oh well it must be there fault because if everybody doesn't like them they must deserve it' sound like exactly that type of person.

I do get on with other women but I'm extremely selective. I think as a society we encourage this type of behaviour.

SinisterSal Fri 20-Sep-13 11:35:33

I would like to point out to anyone who knows me I have not namechanged.

SeaSickSal and SinisterSal are two very different people!

DownstairsMixUp Fri 20-Sep-13 11:45:57

Men can be just as bitchy! Infact I have sometimes found my male friends are a LOT worse than the women i am friends with! I used to say that when I was 14/15 as i got bullied by only girls but obviously I've grown up a bit now, thankfully!

TheQuietCricket Fri 20-Sep-13 11:49:50

I'm now very wary of women who after sharing office space with them and naturally chatting over the days/months/years turn out to have absolutely NO close female friends. (No old school friends, no female Uni friends, no previous workplace female friends, no schoolmum type friends, not a single one)

I've worked with 3 such individuals over the years in a variety of workplaces and without exception they have all been, deep down, hard-nosed, selfish, unable to work in a team unless they are heading it up and given any opportunity likely to be quite deviously self-serving.

They seem to have the exterior of a woman but lack some traits common to women.

I enjoy relaxing/the banter of a group of men more than getting together with a group of women as the bitching about other women that can often be part of the group conversation makes me feel uncomfortable but my one-to-one female friendships are good and there are plenty of them.

No OP you are, IME, not unreasonable to be a bit Hmmmm about a female who can't/doesn't get on reasonable well with other females.

TheBigJessie Fri 20-Sep-13 11:52:24

Hmm.

Well, the sheer double-think involved is staggering. For a woman to say she has too little in common with 50% of the population for friendship and she prefers male friendship, means she must actually believe she is the one woman in history who doesn't like handbags!

She's proved herself sexist to women, and I bet she is also sexist to men.

I would say my friends are male and female, and the friendships rest on common interests like hero-worship of Richard Dawkins intellectual pretentiousness, and shared senses of humour.

I would also add that I once knew a woman who said I was her first female friend, and she didn't like other women, yada, yada. After a year, I got to work out why. Whenever there was a bloke around she fancied, she would start publicly putting me down, to boost herself in his eyes. And she would betray my private confidences in her to other women at the drop of a hat!

TheRunawayTrain Fri 20-Sep-13 11:54:09

SeaSick unless you currently live in Ecuador, it's not.

FavoriteThings Fri 20-Sep-13 12:00:49

Personally wouldnt put it anywhere near 65%, but there are a sizeable number imo.
Now apparently to be sexist, in the first instance, the hypothesis has to be wrong. But who can categorically say that any poster is right or wrong on this?

fwiw, I probably get on with men and women about equally. Probably prefer men if it comes down to it.

FavoriteThings Fri 20-Sep-13 12:01:52

Can I ask a question. Not sure if it is relevant or not to this discussion. Why in reality shows, are women voted off first on the whole and in the main?

geekgal Fri 20-Sep-13 12:14:52

The supposition that 65% of women are bitches is the hypothesis, until the poster can provide good evidence of this then we can all safely say it's not, since the onus is on them to prove it.

And women get voted off early for a variety of reasons, there have been loads of studies done on who the producers pick, why people view them the way they do, it's actually a really wide and varied subject (WAY too in depth though for MN, I'd suggest checking out Sociological Images and the Center for the Study of Women in Film and TV if you're interested)

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