To be a bit hmm about a person who said she couldn't get on with women?

(182 Posts)
TheRunawayTrain Thu 19-Sep-13 20:46:19

Apparently female friendships are bitchy (implied/said but not in those words) and so on hmm

I thought we were making friends too. Then I mention I'm friends with this woman who does x (she was talking about that subject so was relevant) and she starts.

AIBU? I asked her why she was writing off half the population (in politer ways) and the conversation carried on awkwardly as we both disagreed, but didn't get heated much. I can remember one woman at university saying something similar. I think dismissing being friends with people for their gender is hmm especially as she's a woman herself!

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Thu 19-Sep-13 20:51:34

I am always wary and like you, hmm about women who say "ALL women are SUCH bitches I'm only really friends with men!"

Not all women are total bitches and indeed some of the bitchiest people I've ever met/been friends are men grin

I've found women who complain about all other women being bitches are usually nasty people themselves and haven't so much chosen to not be friends with other women but had the decision made for them. Men don't as a rule think same way women do and don't always see bitchiness for what it is (I dont mean to generalise btw this is just my experience!) therefore dont have a problem with this attitude.

Or they just think they might get lucky so overlook it hmm grin

TheRunawayTrain Thu 19-Sep-13 20:54:59

Oh sorry, read a thread on somethig along the same lines as mine so this is being discussed on a much longer thread which I've jusy uninowingly copied. blush Sorry smile

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Thu 19-Sep-13 20:56:43

oops! nevermind smile

BasilBabyEater Thu 19-Sep-13 20:56:49

YANBU

Women who claim other women are all bitches and they can't get on with them, generally have major problems with other women. It's not the other women, it's them.

HaroldLloyd Thu 19-Sep-13 21:00:06

You are right, this is very fishy.

People I have met that have said this have done it to suck up to a man for some reason or another. I wouldn't find a man a good prospect if he said he couldn't get on with 50% of the population so its an odd strategy.

Its weird.

And saying things like "All women are bitchy" is beyond annoying.

MadBusLady Thu 19-Sep-13 21:02:08

YANBU. I used to say that when I was 14 FFS when there was every justifcation. You might as well say "I can't get on with people who have blue eyes."

NoComet Thu 19-Sep-13 21:02:12

I am a very nice person! I may be a bit sharp on here, but I'm very much for giving people the benefit of the doubt in RL.

Some of the bitchy gossip amongst the school mums is awful, so yes I do tend to talk to a couple of the dads who are much nicer.

And before you round in me, if dragging up a minor parenting fail from 5 years previously, isn't bitchy, especially when the mum has lived abroad for ages. I don't know what is.

MrsMongoose Thu 19-Sep-13 21:02:54

Anyone who says all insert-x-type-of-people-here is the bitch. Majority often rules. Women aren't all bitches, but it is likely that they just don't like you.

MadBusLady Thu 19-Sep-13 21:03:39

confused

Has there been thread x-fertilization?

MaidOfStars Thu 19-Sep-13 21:04:38

I used to be a girl who was only friends with boys. Not because I thought women were bitchy, but because my manner/interests/bluntness/--distasteful sense of humour-- more naturally fitted with 'man'.

Then I realised that there were probably other women who felt the same. And I could probably be friends with them. Basically, I grew up ;)

YANBU to query (what I view as) an immature attitude. Either she doesn't mix enough, or she's too busy basking in the glow of all the males she surrounds herself with. She doesn't want a cuckoo in her nest.

Have to agree that it's a more mature woman who will say her best friends are women

There's a touch of the simpering, lady Diana fluttery eyelashes about the women who say they get on with men the best - basically they like men to 'appreciAte' their bluntness and sense of humour while secretly enjoying their cadging a look at their tits

NoComet Fri 20-Sep-13 00:38:31

Laurie you obviously have never had anything to do with proper nurdy science student girls, many if whom find men far more interesting company than women.

Sadly far too few women study science and we get very used to make company. We certainly don't flutter our eyelids, or hope the men are looking at our tits.

It's you who needs to grow up, if you think sex has to be part of everything.

missingmumxox Fri 20-Sep-13 00:58:08

I always had more male friends than female, because i despise the whole hair, teeth, top shop mentality of some women, I don't dislike women for being bitchy, men are far more bitchy than women, they really are.

all of my best friends are women, as when you find a good one they are the best, challenging, interesting, funny (I find women funnier than men) and supportive, i have had the odd male friend who has tried to help when i am in a crisis, but if it falls outside the remit of giving a lift to somewher or fixing a shelf they are shit!

Childcare crisis, death in the family, close friend/family dealing with a unwanted pregnancy/much wanted pregnancy but problems or no money for baby stuff...it is my female friends all the way...

I love my male friend but they are fair weather friends, I will alway give more than they can...but at least they don't talk about diets all night...actually, scrub that now they are in their late 40's early 50's that is all they talk about! and exercise! time to move on me thinks smile

missingmumxox Fri 20-Sep-13 01:03:29

PS My Dh is a nerdy science type...as are some of my greatest female friends.
He was a molecular scientist? something to do with DNA anyway??

MummyBeerest Fri 20-Sep-13 01:04:10

I read this as "get IT on with other women. " And was very confused but clicked anyway.

YANBU. I think women saying that is their guarded way of warning you they're dramatic.

MistressDeeCee Fri 20-Sep-13 01:18:03

I dont care which woman it is - if as a woman all her friends are male then as a woman, not a man, this is what she has actively chosen to cultivate. These women gravitate towards men as male validation matters highly to them. Its not that they cant get on with women as women are all oh so bitchy. oh, ummm...except the 1 with all the male friends that is grin

Such women tend to see other women as competitors, are often found hanging around some bloke's relationship (added bonus if his partner feels uncomfortable about it, their ego trip is complete), and normally can waffle on about being great friends with a man, but strangely never ever friends with his other half. If mentioned theyre all wide eyed & indignant about how theyve always been friends with men, cant relate to other women, blah blah blah

Up to them how they live their lives tho, I just cant be bothered with their need to find another woman to boast to about it and generally be rude to a woman about women

Rare is the woman who wouldnt be able to have loads of male ' friends ' if they set their mind and life that way, so its no big achievement deal to brag about anyway smile

GrandstandingBlueTit Fri 20-Sep-13 04:32:35

YANBU - the sort of person who says this reveals an awful about themselves, none of which is particulalry good.

A load of women admitted being like this on the other thread, which begs the question: why would you join a site populated virtually exclusively by women, if you think women in general are no craic?!

Oddness. grin

sleepywombat Fri 20-Sep-13 05:18:20

The bitchiest people I've known have been men.

MrsMook Fri 20-Sep-13 07:01:04

One of my best friends is a man. It's quite a sibling like relationship. One of my other best friends is his wife. I introduced them. DH is also great friends with them. We met in the same social group, but I met the wife separately, became friends and introduced her.

Some people really struggle to understand mixed sex platonic relationships. I hang around with females more, but have several good male friends. It's just about people I click with, not about categorising by their sex.

Men tend to be more direct and less likely to do behind the back bitchiness. That doesn't mean women are all bitchy though.

Theironfistofarkus Fri 20-Sep-13 07:13:23

Not much of a sample I know but the only person I know like this is highly competitive with other women to the extent that she has never had a relationship with a man who was single when she met him. I did once know someone else who women in general did not seem to like. She was pretty but v intense and somewhat obssessed with what she looked like (in an insecure way). Men tended to like her but women tended to put her down.

geekgal Fri 20-Sep-13 07:23:13

Agree with op, women who say they don't like other women because they simply get on better with men are pretty much an avoid at all costs for me, it's one of the last forms of acceptable misogyny because it's a woman saying it - hey, maybe that's why they are mostly friends with men and think all women are bitchy...

ApocalypseThen Fri 20-Sep-13 07:35:37

It's a big red flag for me, too. It definitely suggests a woman who has internalised the worst stereotypes about women and is begging, pleading for men to validate that she's not like that, she's worth something.

It's quite sad.

HairyGrotter Fri 20-Sep-13 07:45:38

I avoid these types, nothing good has ever come from a person who 'limits' their openness to friendship.

I had only male friends from 11 to 14, due to my hobby of skateboarding, however, I love my female friendships, and cherish them dearly. Women are wonderful friends, as are men. Although, I've noticed male friends to be far more bitchy than my female friends!

geekgal Fri 20-Sep-13 07:46:45

Agreed ApocalypseThen - the validation thing is the bit that most amuses/irritates me. It doesn't even have to be about sex, it can just be the validation of " you're not like all these other women, you're better, you think more like a man", so it's like sexism and a superiority complex combined. Although they don't seem to realise by falling into the trap of thinking they are superior they're tacitly agreeing that men not only think differently and also are better than women, including them, which means they'll never win...

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