Dp has had a serious wake up last night I had to call Doctor out to him he has not been right for some time

[Longhotsoaks]

last night he worried me.

The GP arrived and did a check up on him and said my dp's health is so bad if he does not sort himself out and take some tests to find out what is wrong with then he is very foolish as he should of done this a long time ago and not left it so long.

He said he needs to lose weight as he is obese , he smokes has sores, bad teeth etc he has let himself go and makes excuses all the time.

The Dr said he need to listen to him if he does not take his advice he will no doubt not live to see his children grow up.

How can I help him please.

[MaidOfStars]

What was the immediate health issue that necessitated calling the GP to visit?

[Longhotsoaks]

He had a kidney infection was shivering, shaking, dizzy felt sick had to be taken home as he could not drive he did nothing but sleep for two days.

[Clobbered]

Oh dear, this is so hard, isn't it? You can see that things need to change, but unless DP accepts that too, there isn't much you can do. I think small steps are the way forward for most people - trying to change everything all at once is too much to cope with and not sustainable. Perhaps you could talk to him about tackling one big issue first - maybe trying some weight loss? If he could conquer one problem, by setting small achievable goals, he might feel better about himself and more in control, leading to further changes. Sometimes it can feel hopeless when there is too much to do at once. Can you do some gentle exercise together - just walking is really good for a start.

[kinkyfuckery]

Did he take in what the Dr told him?

[littlewhitebag]

You can support him but he really needs to want to make the changes himself. If he is not motivated then he will fail. You can support by ensuring he gets healthy meals (who does the cooking/shopping?). If you smoke than support him by stopping. Same with drinking if that is an issue. Good luck.

[Buddhagirl]

Yabu

[starfishmummy]

I think perhaps you need to persuade him to book a (long) appointment with his gp who can start the ball l rolling with tests and offer support and advice.

[Longhotsoaks]

I do the shopping but it is knowing what to buy to help with the weight loss.

He does not really drink , he just does not eat until 5.00pm every day and that is when I cook, he does not eat breakfast and sometimes no lunch.

Yes he took in what the Dr said but then another Dr rang him and said he does not need the tests his Dr is away at the moment ,and he is the man I need to speak to but he would not of received the Dr's notes from last night as he still away.

We have agreed he needs to lose weight first this is where we will start just as I said before not sure what to buy food wise.

[MisselthwaiteManor]

He has agreed to trying to lose weight? That's a good start. What sort of food do you buy at the moment and what meals do you cook? What sort of budget and how much time do you have to cook, we might be able to help you make a meal plan.

[Gingerandcocoa]

I find it hard to believe that someone who doesn't eat until 5pm can be obese. Are you sure he's not secretly eating during the day?

[Longhotsoaks]

Yes Ginger that is what he tells me but Im guessing you are right I just do not know what to do.

Im guessing if I can provide healthy food he will eat, and see the results that is where I am stuck though.

Yes he agreed to lose weight, I cook Spag bol, Fajitas, Shepherds pie, Sausage, mash and tinned veg etc.

I have a budget of £100 a week , I work three days a week so time is precious when I get home and I have the kids to sort out, I am not the best cook.

[turnaroundbrighteyes]

When my DH was overweight and feeling sorry for himself after some health issues I found that talk of dieting and doing without didn't help, but not buying very calorific foods and increasing the veg portion of meals worked and the weight slowly came off. He didn't feel deprived as he had a full plate, but slowly built up to 50% veg, 25% Max meat and rest carbs. Frozen veg can be a lifesaver if you don't have much time or aren't good at planning ahead.

[Longhotsoaks]

Buddhgirl why aibu?

[Buddhagirl]

Because this forum is aibu. You have to at least try to phrase it in an aibu way. Yes.

[TSSDNCOP]

Did that make ya feel good Buddhagirl?

OP, ignore her. Your GP should have a nurse that can help with DHs diet. Why not make an appt to see her whilst the other Doctor is away so you can begin to tackle DH's weight issue.

[Mandy2003]

If he is housebound/laid up in bed, even for a few days, this is the ideal opportunity to stop smoking. Do you think you could avoid buying cigarettes for him? What would his reaction be?

I gave up after 30 years due to the pattern of always being able to buy cigarettes being broken when I was snowed in for 3 days. I started getting cravings when I got to the shops again but bought some little Niquitin mints and that did the trick. I'd never been able to give up before but that cold turkey experience did it for me.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

OP ignore Buddah she's being a tit.

As far as diet for your husband....look to offering him porrige in the mornings...with skimmed milk if he wants and some honey...not sugar...or some fresh fruit on top...blueberries, bananas are good.

GHe should drink lots of water...a litre a day.....cut down of caffeine and smoking....get him an E Cig....if he can even reduce the amount of cigarettes then that's all good.

Meals...look at less meat...rice, loads of veg...Fresh seasonal fruit and veg not tinned...tinned veg has lost most of it's nutrients. Seasonal is what is in the shops now which we grow in the UK...so currently that is apples, plums, beetroots, carrots, onions...the usual...make stir frys with a little lean chicken and loads of veg...salads...with avocado and beans such as kidney beans and chickpeas....fish....fresh if you can once or twice a week.

[EmmaBemma]

The food you are cooking isn't in itself the reason your partner has put on weight, so I don't think that varying the meals will help him significantly. He must be eating a lot outside mealtimes. You do the shopping - what else do you buy for the cupboards apart from meal ingredients? That's one way you can control what he has access to, but if he's eating too much the change has to come from him really.

What else is going on with him? Is he in work? How active is he? How does he seem generally?

[Longhotsoaks]

Thank you TSS I will check with the nurse , and Neo I will but fresh veg and buy some brown rice, fish and chicken breast , salmon etc.

I will also order him a e cig later as I have heard good things about this but will sort the diet part first thank you to you both.

[MisselthwaiteManor]

Watch your portion sizes, this is good > england.lovefoodhatewaste.com/node/240

Soup is my favourite diet food as you can batch cook and freeze and it's filling. Chuck in whatever veg you want and herbs and water or stock.

Fill your plate with veg, have plenty of protein at every meal ie. eggs, fish, chicken, nuts. Don't have junk food in the house. Drink water, no need for fruit juice or pop.

I would get him involved in it, maybe google some healthy recipe sites and get him to pick some things he wants to try? British heart foundation has a recipe app but I haven't used it so can't vouch for whether it's any good or not.

[MisselthwaiteManor]

oops sorry here's that link again england.lovefoodhatewaste.com/node/240

[Onsera3]

Of course you want to help him but it can be very difficult if he doesn't want to help himself. You can make healthy choices for your family but what about when he's out of the house?

Can you think of any reason why he doesn't seem to value his health or respect his body? There might be an issue that needs addressing first. Men often say they're too busy but there could be an emotional issue. Trying to encourage some people to be healthier can sometimes make them more stubborn.

Exercise seems to work wonders for men. It'll be harder with winter looming and he doesn't sound like the gym type but maybe there's a family activity you could do?

I think the desire to change has to come from him.
It sounds like you'll be a great support to him though.

[Longhotsoaks]

He does not touch the cupboards and thats where we have crisps, chocolate etc I know he does not eat this as I check.

I think as i said before he eats outside and that is where he is going wrong.

He loves soup and makes batches from scratch i I do not like his soup but pretend and eat it when he is around.

He used to be very active but went through a depressive time and this is where it all went wrong, we are now in a happier time just do not know what step to do next.

[Dahlen]

I'm sorry. That must have been so scary. I hope you're ok.

You can't make this all ok for him because he's an adult who has to take control of his own health. But you can be supportive.

The first thing I'd advise you to do is to tell him in no uncertain terms that he stops the no breakfast, no lunch nonsense (if he is even abstaining). He is putting himself at risk of diabetes by fasting like that and will actually slow his metabolism so that what he does eat is more likely to lead to weight gain. Start investigating healthy breakfast/packed lunch options. Porridge with fruit is a great breakfast. Lunch doesn't have to be boring old sandwiches. Cold risottos, pittas filled with chilli, wraps of salad made tasty with cold meats and sauces, etc.

If he's less hungry by the time he gets home, he is less likely to over-indulge in the evenings. Also take a look at portion size. It's fine to have chips for example, but reduce the number and make up for it with the addition of something healthier, like salad or veg.

An e-cig is a fabulous idea, so go for it. Exercise will also allow you a bit more sinning in terms of food and even smoking (apparently a keep-fit-mad smoker is likely to be healthier than a couch-potato takeaway-loving non-smoker).

But remember he has to want to do this for himself.

Hope you're both ok and not reeling too much from this.

[specialsubject]

when he is less house-bound, he needs to go and see someone at the GP practice for nutritional advice. Lots of good stuff on here but not all is right - e.g. honey and sugar are the same thing!

loads of veg is good for everyone - soy sauce, stirfries etc all pep it up.

also why doesn't he cook too?

good luck.