To not apologise to dsis who is pregnant?

(158 Posts)

Dsis has married a nice enough man from Turkey.

I say nice enough as I don't really know him nor does she and there's a language barrier to prevent any major communication.

She has fallen pregnant after believing until fairly recently that she can't conceive. This is obviously brilliant! I'm thrilled for her.

However, she's having a boy and although she says he won't be raised as Muslim she is having him circumcised.

She knows nothing about it save that that's what her dh wants. I don't agree with it and while I know it's none of my business, she was asking opinions the other day and I told her my honest views.

It wasn't an argument but the conversation did turn a little heated resulting in her storming out.

My mother wants me to apologise, not because I was horrible or anything but because she's pregnant.

I'm not apologising because a) she asked for opinions and then got really defensive b) she's pregnant not sick and c) those are my views. I'm not sorry for them.

So, AIBU?

BlingBang Mon 23-Sep-13 13:33:41

Can't belive how naive she has been but it's done. I really think you should let the circumcision thing go. It's not that big a deal and many, many folk see it as completely normal, to her husband it is and to call it barbaric is quite an insult to him and his family and could really alienate him and with that you sisiter when she might need you most. She possibly has much bigger problems and I think you should not ruffle any feathers over this so you can be there to support her and influence her if she really needs your help in the future. I think you really need to pick your battles here.

hermioneweasley Mon 23-Sep-13 15:08:51

It must be so frustrating. It's so obvious to us that he's controlling and wildly unsuitable, you must want to shake her to make her see it!

Yes I absolutely do. But I'm very aware that it will just push her further towards him.

Vivacia Mon 23-Sep-13 17:25:34

Well done Walter, I'm so pleased you've made contact. Just keep that bond and don't let this bully get I between you and your sister and nephew.

I really hope your sister realises how cruel and ridiculous this circumcision would be once she holds her son.

Thank you Vivacia. So do I!

CoteDAzur Mon 30-Sep-13 14:21:50

I'm a bit late to the party here but here it goes:

Kurdish, under-educated, rural - these are not hopeful signs but they don't mean that your BIL is a horrible evil person and that this marriage is dead in the water.

Your DSis is pregnant for the first time and needs support. If you have any valid reasons (other than "He might want to go back") why you think this future baby will be kidnapped while in Turkey for his circumcision years from now, then slowly prepare for that day. Cooperate with your sister to make sure that never happens.

What I see on this thread is that you have been judgemental about their choice to circumcise their future son, had a tantrum about a matter that frankly is none of your business, got all paranoid that your future nephew will be kidnapped years from now, and nearly fell out with your sister.

I'm sure you think you are justified in these actions, but do try to see it from your sister's point of view.

I wouldn't have married this man, based only on his background, but your DSis has and you need to back off and give their marriage a chance. Meanwhile, support your DSis and help her steer her marriage in the right direction, if at all possible.

Tasmania Mon 30-Sep-13 14:30:05

Seriously - circumcision these days is nothing major. Catholics often get circumcised, too, which was ONE reason my mum wanted it for my brother. Dad didn't really think it was necessary.

At the end of the day, the decision was taken out of their hands, and he had to be circumcised for medical reasons aged 5.

I even attended the operation (weird, but bro wanted me there). In the hands of an able surgeon, it's not a big deal.

Vivacia Mon 30-Sep-13 18:12:29

Seriously - circumcision these days is nothing major.

No man would be fondling my son's penis, let alone cutting the skin off, due to someone else's religious belief.

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