To ask you to rage against cancer with me?

(87 Posts)
tunnocksteacake Sun 15-Sep-13 12:35:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SlangKing Mon 16-Sep-13 03:29:42

When I was a teen I lost 3 friends to cancer - 2 more in motorbike accidents. For a short period I fretted that I was somehow responsible and kept my distance from ppl. Later, both my parents got it. Dad got better but it killed my mum. As others have said, it's a cunt. No better word for it.

Monty27 Mon 16-Sep-13 02:30:10

Tunnocks I'm so sorry for your experience, so sorry that it sent ime nto the rage above.

38degrees is a great place for campaigns.

sad

Monty27 Mon 16-Sep-13 02:26:23

Focus all efforts towards the government departments responsible for this. They have the money, they don't see us as people. Make them. Lobby them. There's a lot of meds out there they won't buy.

Find out who your MPs and councillors are, make their lives a misery, every day. Every single day. Email them, start a campaign, everywhere you can.

If they'd stop spending money on themselves and their own missions and egos, it would keep our families and loved ones healthy and alive for longer.

angry

expatbrat Mon 16-Sep-13 02:11:09

Cancer is the devil!
Have just gone through a year of hell and am on the home straight. Take courage, it doesn't always win!

expatinscotland Mon 16-Sep-13 02:08:06

I wish all the best to those here dealing with this.

expatinscotland Mon 16-Sep-13 01:58:16

I believe whatever gets you through, too, and never meant to cause offense.

My daughter, and I was VERY open and public from the get go with her cancer as we had the added problem of trying to source a stem cell/bone marrow donor for her to have any chance of survival, died cancer free.

She died of what we found out kills many cancer patients: secondary infection, and which is killing them now including children who have been very dear to us (Charlie Harris-Beard, my friend grew up with his mother, RIP, and others we know/knew and follow).

At the latest memorial service, for children who have died in the last 4 years in the onco unit where DD1 was treated, we heard the name of another girl, a teenager.

She developed a form of secondary cancer/leukaemia particular to those who have had radiotherapy, that caused her bone marrow to fail, requiring transplant, which she had, thankfully, from a brother.

After nearly 3 years in remission, her brain cancer recurred. Her mother had already ended her life, a couple of years before. She had resection, she had treatment, it was ineffective and she died, age 14, of brain cancer.

And this is where I have a problem with the lingo surrounding cancer, and fighter, battle, what have you. Because I knew her, and DD1, too. She was just a girl, a girl who liked rap music and who made DD1 laugh and eat, who would come by DD1's room in strict iso with a sign, 'Lunch trolley, woman! Eat up!' and stand in the door or talk through the vent or on the MN bought walkie-talkie, 'Yo, wanna see what you ate, girl!' same as another girl on the unit still waiting for a donor who was there for DD1. First time in the door, 'Hey, you! My name is A. Here you have leukaemia.' 'Yeah, I do. How about you?'

You see, you can do what you can, it's no shield. That's probably what is so scary.

But when you lose the fear, and you lose the anger, you have what is left: it's just a disease that deserves far more funding that it gets.

Brain cancer! OMG!

'It's rare.'

It is only rare until it happens to you.

And it does. All the time. All it is, is you, on a level gone awry. it is and never was, anything more than you, and I loved every bit of her, even the cancer.

What caused it? Often times, no one knows, particular in paeds. It is stochastic. It just is.

We are not so used to that now.

'Start at the beginning, go till the end, then stop.'

Whatever gets you through indeed, but those who die of cancer do not lose, in any way, they just, well, succumb.

penguinpaperback Sun 15-Sep-13 22:52:23

I think whatever floats your boat when it comes to cancer. I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer from the beginning, in my early 40's. At first I felt angry and 'why me' but after a while I thought 'why not me.' Cancer is everywhere, nice people get cancer, complete b*stards get cancer, the old, the young. If it helps to feel angry with cancer go for it. I want to live for as long as I can but I don't look at my cancer as a monster. But that's just me.
Love to all. x

trice Sun 15-Sep-13 22:40:29

I do hope that you get a good outcome Tunnock.

LadyBigtoes Sun 15-Sep-13 22:37:24

The "battle" and "fight" terminology has been around a long time but the rude insults to cancer I have noticed more recently. I think it helps people and sometimes adds some humour and motivates people to do things like group sponsored runs and all that.

I think cancer is different - not in that it isn't a disease, but in the way you can treat it aggressively and attack it, and it may come back or be banished. I can see why people liken that to a battle. You go through hell to try to get rid of it and if you are lucky you see it off. Yes, the treatment may have long-term effects but many people who have survived cancer are happy to be in that position nonetheless. To have "beaten" it.

Tunnocks, my mum had glioblastoma. She fought and fought and fought, as did we. Because just staying positive and finding joy in life when you want to curl and up in a ball and howl is fighting. Because continuing treatment when the side affects are devastating but are your only chance is fighting. Because holding it together for your newborn while caring for your beloved parent is fighting. Because what else can you do but fight?

Thinking of you and your family, if fighting is what you need to do to get through this then fight. Hoping for a good outcome for you and your husband xxx

trice Sun 15-Sep-13 22:29:45

Since having cancer I do want to punch people who smoke. Is that fighting cancer?

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 15-Sep-13 22:28:09

I agree bassetfeet.
We all cope however we can. I'm sorry for what you're going through Tunnocks.

ElliesWellies Sun 15-Sep-13 22:28:04

I bloody hate cancer. It makes me angry that life can be so unfair to some people.

candycoatedwaterdrops Sun 15-Sep-13 22:27:32

bassetfeet That's not fair, tunnocks has had lots of love and support and kind words on her previous threads. People are disagreeing with her terminology, nothing more, nothing less. Everyone's feelings count.

trice Sun 15-Sep-13 22:26:39

I have cancer. It sucks.

I do "fight" it. I take all my meds, I exercise and try to eat right, I would paint myself blue and walk on my hands if I thought it would give me longer with my family! it is mainly down to things I can't control though. Sometimes shit happens.

I have the greatest sympathy for everyone who's lives have been devastated by this pointless glitch.

PresidentServalan Sun 15-Sep-13 22:26:35

As a pp said - cancer is a cunt.

I watched my cousin fight it when he was 15, only for it to reappear along with a heart condition which was caused by the effects of chemo (which had been in its early days) and it finally beat him at the age of 45.

bassetfeet Sun 15-Sep-13 22:21:14

Thinking of Tunnocks the OP here who is no doubt in shock and in utter turmoil . Finding her way and the words that help her most at this point in her DHs cancer journey . The taking some control back feeling ? Anger .fight .....for sure I recognise those emotions when first dealing with this bastard disease sad.

Sorry tunnocks feels she had to leave the thread without some kind words re her own distress.

peppapigmustdie Sun 15-Sep-13 22:19:16

Fuck off Cancer, you huge Bastard.

This "battle" wording / thinking is so ingrained. Sorry this might be a bit morbid. My dad has been given another 6 months or so (stage 4 prostate cancer metastasised everywhere) and when I was home in August I was looking at the draft for his obituary. I realised how many of these things start

"After a long and courageous battle..."
or
"He lost his fight..."
or whatever.

I really really really hope and pray that I will be able to write "Peacefully, at home, with his wife of 45 years by his side...."

Jinsei Sun 15-Sep-13 22:16:36

This thread has made me cry. Like everyone else, I've lost loved ones to cancer, and a dear friend was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer earlier this year - she is 33 and has two young children. I agree that it's just a disease, and for some people, no amount of fighting will be enough. However, I can also understand the rage, and the desire to fight. Perhaps it's a natural instinct, to want to believe that we can fight it if only we try.

Some of the stories on here are heart-wrenching. I am so very, very sorry for all of your losses, and for those who are suffering with the disease right now.

BoreOfWhabylon Sun 15-Sep-13 22:15:57

Wise words Daisy.

daisychain01 Sun 15-Sep-13 22:09:49

Scuttle, sometimes, when suffering with cancer it can be psychologically helpful to people to see it as a proactive battle, it feels empowering. When my DP and I were dealing with his diagnosis and treatment last year, it helped to feel in control.

I think its whatever gets you through, no rights or wrongs. It isnt nonsense to the people it helps?

daisychain01 Sun 15-Sep-13 22:07:04

I am sad for anyone posting here who has been affected by cancer. (((( hugs x 1 million ))).

My DP was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma last May and had surgery and has been on a 6 monthly regime of scans and hospital visits of going for 5 years. So far so good.

Just to reassure people, we are beating cancer, I have been evangelical about early diagnosis with everyone I come into contact with. It saved DPs life being proactive and also keeping up with follow up consultations.

cancer should be very scared

Another one here who heartily loathes talk of battles, wars, kicking cancer's butt, or any similar nonsense. Completely agree with Expat's post. There are plenty of other horrible diseases - cancer has no monopoly on suffering.

I speak as a cancer survivor, and as someone who in the past three years has lost a dear and close friend, my father, his brother (my uncle) and am burying another friend on Wednesday, all to cancer, and my cousin is terminally ill at the moment with a return of his cancer.

I don't feel angry at cancer - how can I feel anger at a mutating cell? It makes no sense. I do feel anger when I see stupid people continuing to dither about life saving vaccinations or not bother with their smear tests. I also feel angry that our health service still has poorer cancer outcomes than many other developed countries - we should be angry at not being able to access GP appts easily so concerns and worries can be quickly checked. We should be angry that important appointments for diagnostic tests take too long. We should be angry that cancer survivors have to struggle to get things like mortgages and insurance and jobs when they have come through their illnesses. I feel angry that when my lovely friend was discharged from hospital on Good Friday, the hospital pharmacy was CLOSED (FFS) so she couldn't get her essential pain meds.

All we can do is offer our love to friends and family, in sickness and in health and not waste the time we are given.

My wonderful DH fought and fought his cancer with courage and determinaton - he really could not have been more positive or tenacious.

He died in April.

I'm with notjenkins. When there is talk of fighting cancer, of kicking its butt, of strength of will being enough to cure it, it does feel as though people are saying that he died because he didn't fight ENOUGH. That he wasn't brave enough, that had he only been a stronger, braver, more agressive man, he would still be here with me.

He was the bravest person I have ever known. Brave, strong and courageous. It didn't help him.

Raging against a diagnosis, the shock and the fear is understandable. Raging against the disease is pointless.

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