To ask you to rage against cancer with me?

(87 Posts)
tunnocksteacake Sun 15-Sep-13 12:35:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tunnocksteacake Sun 15-Sep-13 17:36:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StupidMistakes Sun 15-Sep-13 17:44:25

Cancer has affected my life greatly also so I know how you feel. It took my grandmother before I was born, it then stole my dad away from me at 15months old, it then took my father in law (who was the closest thing to a dad I ever had) and then in may took my mum.

It's hard to release that in my mums case cancer took less than four weeks to cripple her body and take her life, my dad managed to fight for almost three months before losing his battle and my nan managed ten whole agonising months with the disease. I hate cancer with q passion. It takes too many people far too soon. My mum was the oldest of them all and still only 65, she was 11 days short of 66.

BishBashBoshBoo Sun 15-Sep-13 18:05:26

Well done on having a lovely lunch with your dh. Wishing him and you all the luck in the world

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 15-Sep-13 18:10:51

I agree with expat, it's a disease, not a battle.
Some people survive , some don't and getting angry is pointless.
I had breast cancer 10 years ago with a mastectomy and 5 years on tamoxifen.
And it has now spread to my lungs and liver and am on chemo and though it's treatable it's not curable.
WTF am I supposed to do to fight it?

tunnocksteacake Sun 15-Sep-13 18:23:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marzipanned Sun 15-Sep-13 18:29:57

tunnocks, please don't sign off. There are lots of people here supporting you.

Cancer is, of course, a highly emotive topic. Everyone responds differently and for some people, getting angry really does help. We mustn't belittle those who do or those who don't.

LadyBeagleEyes, I'm so sorry for the situation you're in, I can't say anything that would make you feel the remotest bit better. And no, perhaps you can't fight it and cure it...but even by going ahead with the chemo you are fighting it, in a sense, aren't you? To give yourself more time with your loved ones? Sorry if I'm completely wrong.

expatinscotland Sun 15-Sep-13 18:34:44

Oh, (((LBE))). I had no idea. It just . . . well, it is. My child did not want to die. She lived and lived and lived and lived, until her poor body could not go on. And she died. Not because she had no fight or we did not want to 'win', there was nothing to win, just life. Then, she died.

I'm sorry, tunnock. I hope the best for all those afflicted and did not mean to cause offense, either.

marzipanned Sun 15-Sep-13 18:38:18

Oh expat. She sounds enormously brave and I think you must be too.

What a rubbish world this can be, sometimes.

motherinferior Sun 15-Sep-13 18:39:09

I am so sorry. For everyone.

And another dear friend's child died of a brain tumour last year, just short of her sixth birthday.

expatinscotland Sun 15-Sep-13 18:43:15

'but even by going ahead with the chemo you are fighting it, in a sense, aren't you? To give yourself more time with your loved ones? Sorry if I'm completely wrong.'

There is no 'fight'. It is your own body. Always. Chemo can be palliative, as well, but you do realise that chemo has a lot of side effects?

My daughter's organs were weakened so much by the chemo that she died of pneumonia.

We need to start understanding this is what it always is: a catastrophic failure of one's OWN immune system to root out rogue cells, which happen all the time, every single day, and allow them to proliferate, the same way other disorders like diabetes and MS occur. And work with the body, not fight it because it oneself.

Chemo and radiotherapy are like taking a fly off someone's forehead with a sledgehammer.

1/4 of those who undergo treatment for cancer will go on to develop secondary cancer due to the fact that chemo and radiotherapy are known carcinogens that also weaken the organs for years and sometimes cause permanent damage.

Brain tumours and childhood cancer are two of the most under-funded cancers around.

Instead of getting angry at the cancer, which is always there, I get angry at the lack of funding going into research of brain and paediatric cancers.

There are no victors in any of this! Only loss of life and devastated, damaged people who lose their loved ones.

Sorry to rant, I should step away from this except to beg you all to PLEASE be aware of the incredible lack of funding for brain cancer and paediatric cancers.

I am so so sorry for all your loses.

expatinscotland Sun 15-Sep-13 18:47:08

I remember that, MI, and I am so dreadfully sorry for their loss. Losing a child is against the natural order of things and hurts so dreadfully it cannot even be qualified in any way.

PicnicPie Sun 15-Sep-13 18:47:48

So sorry to all those that are suffering.

My Dsil, 29, was last week diagnosed with stage 2/3 breast cancer which has spread to lymph nodes. It is aggressive and growing rapidly.

She has two DSs, 6 and 4 and a DH.

She was 11 weeks pregnant and is having a termination tomorrow so that she can commence chemo ASAP.

She breast fed both sons for over two years, so 5 years in total. She doesn't drink or smoke. She's fit and healthy. She's 29 for heavens sake!

I feel sick to my stomach. I pray for everyone who has ever suffered, or who is suffering with this awful awful illness.

It is SHIT!

giveitago Sun 15-Sep-13 18:57:36

Expat which is the best place to donate?

Plenty of cancer throughout my dfamily's generations, I've even had a small cancer which I struggled to get the doctors to take seriously given my age and the way I look (skin).

I worry about ds inheriting this from me (my df had this along with a thyriod cancer and although he's had a few bouts he's OK after 30 years of it).

I work near great ormand st and I see these amazing kids and their families out and about in the area.

Tell me the best place to donate?

Lilyloo Sun 15-Sep-13 19:05:43

Tunnocks being angry is perfectly ok if that's what gets you through this horrible time.
I do agree that the idea of 'fighting' is not fair to those who don't survive. Sometimes your body just can't do it but anger is a perfectly natural emotion when your feeling helpless.

expatinscotland Sun 15-Sep-13 19:19:24

There are some really good charities out there! Neuroblastoma Alliance does a lot of work into the paed cancer that is neuroblastoma. The Aila Coull Foundation is dedicated exclusively to research into AML, which claimed Aillidh and Aila, as does the Amber Philpott Trust. The Brain Tumour Charity has a good reputation. Children with Cancer/CLIC Sargent helps a lot with support for children and their families.

giveitago Sun 15-Sep-13 19:22:44

Thanks expat - just copied and pasted your text to a Word document and will do the necessary tomorrow. Because it is necessary.

THANK YOU. I'll do what I can (not much but as much as I can afford).

marzipanned Sun 15-Sep-13 19:24:39

I do know that chemo has side effects, as a nine year old I watched my Mum go through it. It was hideous to see a parent go through that, I can't imagine watching a child go through it. As you say - it is completely out of the natural order of things.
That said I also know that if she'd refused the chemo and radio, as horrific as it was for her, she would've died sooner. Or at least this is what we were told by her oncologist. She had a brain tumour.

Your analogy is very apt though and I'm so, so sorry if what I said offended you. And I can see why it would have given the circumstances of your daughter's death.

I donate monthly to Cancer Research but I will happily also donate elsewhere if anyone has any suggestions.

marzipanned Sun 15-Sep-13 19:25:01

Sorry x-post. Thanks for the charity recommendations.

PicnicPie Sun 15-Sep-13 19:30:15

I donate to the Association for international Cancer Research (AICR).

samu2 Sun 15-Sep-13 19:36:13

Fucking cancer

My three boy's father (ex husband) has lyphoma non hodgkins. It has came back four times, just had a top up of bone marrow cells and now waiting for two weeks to see if it has worked.

He hasn't been able to eat this week, feeling very poorly etc

I honestly don't think he will beat it for long sad it just keeps coming back only a few months after he has been in remission.. well it's not called remission, his type of cancer can take 10 years to grow so they do call it that, but it has never remained under control for longer than a few months.

I get angry at it. My children have had to grow up fast, one has huge anxiety as a result. It's been hell for them, not to mention their dad and his wife. It's fucking horrible and yes I get angry that I have had to watch my children face this and continue to face this for god knows how long. I am angry that my ex has to suffer every day and his life will very likely be cut very short. My children now need to be in counselling, it's just all so horrible sad

I am sorry OP and to everyone else who has lost someone to cancer. OP, if raging helps you through you do just that. Do what you need to do.

notJenkins Sun 15-Sep-13 19:43:35

I have cancer and hoping for the all clear next month.

I am very sorry for what you are going through OP.

I think some offence can be taken to the fighting talk as is if my cancer has not gone is it my fault ? Have I not fought enough or been brave enough ? Is it some sort of personality contest ?

expatinscotland Sun 15-Sep-13 19:43:55

Anthony Nolan receives no government funding but sources the majority of bone marrow/stem cell matches for those in need of them in the UK (not all cancer but those afflicted with other blood disorders). Another great charity to consider.

My absolutely beloved father died from a form of melanoma which developed into bone cancer and killed him in his mid forties. He was fit and had been in remission several times.

I have had a breast lump removed and my paternal aunt has also had cancer.

I'm wishing you well in your fight.

samu2 Sun 15-Sep-13 20:12:07

notJenkins, I hope you get wonderful news xx

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 15-Sep-13 20:50:09

notjenkins, that's exactly how I feel.
Like if I stay passive and don't get angry I'll survive. It doesn't work like that, there is no fight, it's about bastard little cells in your body that will act or react to the medication, and sometimes it will work. I genuinely thought I was cancer free after ten years since my BC.
It ain't that simple.

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