to hate 'Loose Plans'?

(63 Posts)
MortifiedAdams Sun 15-Sep-13 10:49:56

Evidently we are going for Sunday Lunch with the ILs today. I know where.....I dont know when. No one seems to.know when.

Raaaar!

We didnt do the inviting so feel.bad barging in and saying see you at X time.

Why cant planners make firm plans for their guests¿¡

2rebecca Wed 18-Sep-13 08:33:15

I generally avoid lunchtime meetings/ visits on a weekend as it takes up the whole day. I prefer early evening with a definite time. 2pm sounds too late for lunch for me anyway, especially when the kids were small and up early rather than having late brunch. If just going out with a friend it's fine to say "we'll go out Saturday evening" initially but I would expect to have a time and place discussed a few days before going even if it's just "meet at pub at 7 and then see how things go from there". If more than 4 and food involved i'd want a table booked, especially if children involved. Traipsing hungry kids round town isn't fun.

grants1000 Tue 17-Sep-13 23:13:44

I hate this OP, I work from home and friends who work part time and say things like "maybe the movies/lunch/gym/walk/coffee on x day, I may call you in the morning?"

Fucking NO angry lets make a plan now, not on your whim so I will drop everything for you

Selks Tue 17-Sep-13 23:06:16

oh GOD yes this drives me crackers too. One of my closest friends is very vague (and rather flaky) when it comes to firm plans. It's a good thing she has other redeeming features.

I think it's quite selfish actually. All very nice for the person being vague and wanting to keep their options open but not for those around them. Grrr.

AaDB Tue 17-Sep-13 22:58:22

Sorry, I would NOT go out with dragons or her fellow non planners

AaDB Tue 17-Sep-13 22:57:00

I would go out with dragons. Setting a time allows me to suit myself the rest of the time. I couldn't be arsed with plans for 'after 2' that actually means 3:00 to 5:00 start. wink

DontmindifIdo Tue 17-Sep-13 21:12:22

Dragons, that's fine if it works for you, it doesn't sound like you are driving other people insane by not having firm plans when they need you too to fit in with their other firm plans.

I can't be doing with people who make a badge of honour that they don't do firm plans or organise things, these people tend to just either never do anything interesting, or their lack of thought and effort means they effectively force other people to do the organising for them.

I have decided I don't do eating out on a Sunday until I have no pre-schoolers. Sunday roasts in a pub are always inferior to mine (mass catering different service times means for foods that take long cooking times like roast meat and veg inveriably means it's had to sit around at some point), and they will be busy, which means lots of containing small DCs. A meal out with small children means eating and leaving, not sitting at the table chatting for hours (unless you are in some sort of hell that has a soft play for them, then the food will be rank). Much better to go to someone's house or have people to us, eat food when it's first cooked, let DCs play until the food is actually ready then get down from the table and play when they've finished while the grown ups continue to drink wine to chat and slowly enjoy their lunch.

OP, my advice, next time, fake a migraine. Let DH go with them solo.

DragonsAreReal Tue 17-Sep-13 20:45:25

I didn't realise until now I wrote potter about and housework twice blush

DragonsAreReal Tue 17-Sep-13 20:44:47

I make a point of having no early plans, luckily dc's clubs (beavers and gymnastics) are weekdays!

I suppose everyone values their time differently, I need my ME time to relax potter about catching up on housework and the kids, my dm my nan my sister plus my friends. So I make sure I have time to do nothing but potter about catching up on housework ect.

My weekdays are manic from 6am till 8pm I could not cope with manic weekends to.

TheUglyFuckling Tue 17-Sep-13 20:39:32

well that's a fine approach to take to your weekend Dragons if you have bugger all to do all day.

But my DCs usually have sports on a Saturday morning, and I like to fit in a visit to see my Mum. at some point prep needs to get finished and checked.

Also my Dh often works away so the weekend time is really important. so I have little patience with people with nothing else to do, assuming that i have nothing of importance either going on.

Well exactly! So nowadays I am not a loose planner ever.

DragonsAreReal Tue 17-Sep-13 20:21:01

If I had all that on I probably wouldn't be making plans or my plans would go blablabla I would love to go for lunch but because of xyz I can only do it about 2. I wouldn't be waiting around on someone I would do my own thing and if they wanted to come they could come.

I'm not really an uptight person anymore since I learnt to do the above when I would be otherwise busy. Silly IMHO to resent people making you late because you don't make it clear you have stuff to do to. If I was going out for sunday lunch that would be my days plans apart from housy stuff so would assume the same.

Well, Dragons, that's fine if you have nothing else on that day.

But among other things I need to fit in on a Sunday there might be DS1's football training and homework, some laundry, feeding a toddler, etc. Waiting all day for "loose planners" to be suddenly ready throws all the other planned activities into disarray.

And you end up eating lukewarm "roast" turkey at a pub that has empty tables for a good reason grin

DragonsAreReal Tue 17-Sep-13 20:10:49

8ish means between half 8 and 9 shakey or be on your way to place by 8.

DragonsAreReal Tue 17-Sep-13 20:08:35

I really really like loose plans! Especially on a weekend as I have no idea what time I will wake up and feel like getting up and dressed.

What is wrong with saying afternoon and at some point ringing/texting to see what everyone is upto and then making a time?

I hate being tied to time on a weekend so irritating!

hugoagogo Tue 17-Sep-13 20:01:11

dh's mantra is "after lunch" drives me around the bend. angry

Shakey1500 Tue 17-Sep-13 19:36:16

I found it a revelation after living in Wales where an arrangement would be made, taxi booked, a phone call to other person when taxi booked, another when I was in the taxi en route blush

Old phrase I was taught by a previous manager "To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, to be late is unacceptable" confused Couldn't quite agree with the logic behind that one but understand the sentiment.

Same manager taught me "More than one is a queue..." Totally irrelevant but thought I'd toss in in there grin

TheUglyFuckling Tue 17-Sep-13 11:03:50

oh Shakey don't get me fucking started on people who aren't punctual.

have a couple of good friends and THEY arrange to meet at 8pm, so they determine the time. but invariably they waltz in at 8.45ish. I stuck it for years until had a few too many bevvies and xross examined them. It was actually quite a revelation.

They both genuinely belived that so long as they 'were on their way to meet me' by 8pm then THEY WEREN'T GOING TO BE LATE. Yes, honestly, even if they knew it would take them over half an hour to travel to me, so long as they'd left their house by 7.59pm then they were fine for time.

Fucking madness and crazed insanity but that's how their minds worked.

TheUglyFuckling Tue 17-Sep-13 10:59:29

AaDB, yes I can't believe how popular Dh is considering he makes fuck all effort with his friends. it was his turn to arrange the rugby weekend away this year and I swear you'd think he'd had to arrange a congress at the UN the amount of sighing and angst that went on.

it was clearly incredibly painful and stressful for him to just book hotel rooms and travel tickets for 8 friends and take deposits. I honestly think he would rather have just paid for the whole event himself rather than have to actually contact people and make bookings.

I honestly don't think that he's self centered it's just that he hates to feel tied into anything or commited to anything. he really just wants to drift along (yes mindlessly) always keeping all his options open to the very last possible minute.

I actually think it's a real psychological issue he has because he refused to buy a house for years and years basically because he didn't want to be tied to a mortgage (and so wasted £££££££s on rents).

his Mum is just the same. feels very panicky if she's tied into a timetable of anything. goes into a meltdown if she has to organise something (her hands even shake when she's ordering a chinese takeaway for fuck's sake).

So it must be inherited or maybe just a learned response.

Shakey1500 Mon 16-Sep-13 21:36:00

Oh I had this when I moved from Wales to London. There were NO times!

Person- See you tomorrow?
Me- Brilliant, what time?
Person- 8ish?
Me- Great see you there (normally pub related)

I'd get there 8ish, as in between 7.50pm-8.10pm thereabouts. And wait. And wait (other people to chat to mind, not being a Billy no mates!) Until around 10pm ish, person would stroll in.

Me- Thought you said 8ish?
Person- Well, i'm here now!
Me- Yes but you said 8ish, so I was HERE 8ish
Person- Yeah but, I know I said 8ish but well..you know..it doesn't mean 8ish..it means sort of anytime AFTER 8. So, what you drinking?

And just like that, it's brushed off. I'm the unreasonable one, expecting them to be there around the time they said they would confused

AaDB Mon 16-Sep-13 21:26:49

Why do some people think normal things don't apply to them. The very nice restaurant probably won't have a table for 8 on spec. Hotels are cheaper if you book in advance. I can't decide if they are self centred, can't bear to think beyond today or both.

Either end of the scale is annoying.

The Ugly, ditto for never getting in touch with his mates. he is the most popular anti social person I've ever met. His parents are the opposite though.

He takes a turn at arranging his own weekends away and so gets what a pain in the arse it is. hmm

He is going away tomorrow and was worried because he could not get a hotel. No shit, Sherlock, you and the rest of the world will be going to the same concert.

TheUglyFuckling Mon 16-Sep-13 18:21:30

nuggestofpurestgreen, you don't have to tell me I know he's talking shit.

TheUglyFuckling Mon 16-Sep-13 18:20:06

ah now that would piss me equally as much everlong.

my collegue is just like that. can't ever do anything without 6 weeks notice (she has no children at home), and checks and double checks where we're meeting and what time and what time everyone is leaving (er don't know it's dfinner and drink). even more strange she then has to quickly visit the venue before we actually go so that she knows it if that makes sense.

not necessarily anything to do with finding out where it is. the last venue was just a few doors down from where we all work but she still had to 'visit' it so that she knew it else she wouldn't have been able to just arrive on the night confused

2rebecca Mon 16-Sep-13 18:04:18

If you are a large group going out for a meal decent places get booked up in advance. I rarely ate out when the kids were small as it was too much faff. people could come to us or go out to the pub to lunch without us.

everlong Mon 16-Sep-13 18:00:42

I have a friend who say we are going out for a meal she will book it 3/4 in advance with me and want to know where we are going and what time and how we are getting there and back.

Drives me insane.

NuggetofPurestGreen Mon 16-Sep-13 17:55:14

How are you a mindless sheep for booking in advance??! confused. Surely that makes you mindful as you are making up your mind and making plans?? Rather than just waiting to see what happens... Mindlessly.

OP I hear you. My least favourite sentence when making plans has to be 'let's play it by ear...'

Aarrggghhh.

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