to hate 'Loose Plans'?

(63 Posts)
MortifiedAdams Sun 15-Sep-13 10:49:56

Evidently we are going for Sunday Lunch with the ILs today. I know where.....I dont know when. No one seems to.know when.


We didnt do the inviting so feel.bad barging in and saying see you at X time.

Why cant planners make firm plans for their guests¿¡

pizzaqueen Mon 16-Sep-13 07:56:34

yanbu. I text a friend last week 'I'm off work next week if you are free' he text back 'yes see you monday' I asked where/when but no firm plans made.

Now Monday's here and I have no idea where/when/what we're doing and he lives 30miles away (I assume I'm going there). DP is off work thankfully but usually would have childcare to organise too.

loose plans are typical of this friend as is cancelling last minute. Something to do with being young and single I thought. But from the IL stories here that rule doesn't seem to apply.

littlewhitebag Mon 16-Sep-13 09:23:32

I like firm plans and a booked table. I am the worlds most impatient person and if i have to wait for any length of time in a queue i can see my family/friends glancing at me surreptitiously waiting for the volcano to erupt.

pianodoodle Mon 16-Sep-13 09:27:25

Nightmare. A family member owns a busy country pub/ restaurant and it amazes him the number of people who turn up expecting a table for 8 to just materialise when they haven't booked!

DrCoconut Mon 16-Sep-13 09:47:34

I like lots of planning. If we're going anywhere I need to arrange the day to fit in and make sure we have everything we need ready eg nappy bag, drink beaker, beach towel whatever. I can't get up and just decide to go somewhere as we always end up rushed to get there, leaving things and then trekking round looking for somewhere to buy baby wipes. DH sees nothing wrong with this and is terrible for refusing to commit to arrangements. As a result we have missed things because they have sold out, booked up etc way before he has even considered it.

Dahlen Mon 16-Sep-13 11:30:46

Mortified - next time, pretend to have stomach cramps, disappear to the loo, lock yourself in a cubicle for the next hour so you can MN on your phone, and take comfort in the knowledge that the next time you go out for lunch, DH will be more likely to book in advance. wink

5Foot5 Mon 16-Sep-13 12:49:03

Oh my DM is like this and it does irritate me.

Nothing is ever properly planned. I think she likes to think it is easy going, take it as it comes etc., doesn't want to impose on people by giving them a set time and place. But all that means is that everything comes off half-arsed and no-one really knows where they are meant to be and when.

In recent years eldest DSis has taken over as main organiser as DM is getting a bit old to do much in that way herself anymore and things go very much more smoothly.

mykingdomforasleep Mon 16-Sep-13 12:58:59

Oh people I have found you! I hate this with a passion. Also want to plan Christmas etc now not wait until November DH! rant over thankyou.

LegoStillSavesMyLife Mon 16-Sep-13 13:24:34

Oh yes this makes my teeth itch. Pick a fucking time book a fucking table. top tip - if you can turn up on a Sunday and just get a table then the food will be foul. MIL and FIL (separately)are great ones for this. MIL makes no plans decides to go out and then expresses amazement that the food is grim.

FIL. Makes such vague plans with people that on one particularly memorable occasion - The kids and I had eaten in a first shift and were leaving by the time everyone else was turning up. They were all saying such a pity we haven't seen you or the kids. Yes it is fucking 8:30 the kids are shattered and need to go to bed, so no we will not be staying to watch you eat you bloody dinner. Dinner will small children is severely unlikely to be after 6:30 - the time I gave up and ordered for me and the kids.

And what is more I can and am very happy to cook Sunday lunch\dinner for whoever they want to invite. More the merrier i say. BUT no we must go out. Because it is better confused

And breathe....

AaDB Mon 16-Sep-13 13:26:03

My OH says that I organise the fun out of everything. It may be organised on a timetable, but at least fun happens.

He is another that believes fun just happens as if by magic. I hate pop in visitors. I like to be hospitable and plan a meal. An extra couple of people for dinner is fine, not if they are dusty and won't take pot luck.

OP, Sunday roast out is not relaxing. wine brew thanks We went out yesterday. Dh booked the table, we sat with the kids in the middle, children ate their lunch with our starters and played on pads

AaDB Mon 16-Sep-13 13:29:34

not dusty, fussy (adult eaters; pasta isn't exotic).

Our meal was lovely BTW. Kids were entertained and well behaved.

TheUglyFuckling Mon 16-Sep-13 13:38:28

"My OH says that I organise the fun out of everything. It may be organised on a timetable, but at least fun happens.

are we married to the same man AaDB <looks suspicious>

Because this is exactly his attitude and deep down he resents my preference for organising things and booking reservations. every year without fail we argue because he doesn't want to book our summer holiday until at least the April or May. he thinks that people who are organised and book well in advance like this 'are mindless sheep'

yes but they're 'the mindless sheep' who actually end up going to the exact hotel they want, at the time they want in the sort of accomodation they want, flying from a convenient airport at a normal time.

left up to him Dh would never organise a thing and just wait expectantly for 'fun things to happen out of thin air.'

And surprise fucking surprise they DON'T ever fucking happen. have lost count of the amount of times Dh will say at the start of the weekend 'well let's just see what happens'. And guess what? nothing fucking happens. Because our friends and family have all got plans for their weekends already.

<explodes in irritation>

AaDB Mon 16-Sep-13 16:29:41

The ugly, I think we DO have the same DH.

I book the holiday I want. On holiday, he hates it when I organise things for ds. He is late for everything and on holiday just wants to live from moment to moment. I am easy going and don't want to pack every day with an itinery. I don't want to spend every day by the pool.

He likes a lie in and I can't. I like to go out early, he'd rather go 'out for the day' after lunch.confused He is lovely but this gives me the rage. I just tell him what my plans are and he joins in or not, I really don't mind.

The ILs have got the most rigid timetable and routine I have ever come across. They are also far too early for everything. He is clearly rebelling grin confused .

TheUglyFuckling Mon 16-Sep-13 17:42:46

Oh oh we are married to the same man.

my Dh resfues to make plans on holiday. he just likes 'to see what happens' Though WTF he thinks will happen if he's just stretched out on a sun lounger by the pool all day, I don't know?

my DH also likes to lie in at weekends and thinks the day starts at lunch time. He gets twitchy if he thinks 'I'm filling up the diary too much'. he's is really lovely in so many ways and I love him to bits, but his laissez faire attitude to everything drives me up the fucking wall.

he never gets in touch with his mates just always lets them contact him. he can go weeks not seeing them. But because he's such a lovely bloke they always want to see him and make the effort so he never has to. Grrrrr.

but his parents are exactly the same. never plan never organise, their weeks are always exactly the same. the first time I met them I was shock because it literally took them ALL day to decide to go to Sainsburys to get some milk and bread.

NuggetofPurestGreen Mon 16-Sep-13 17:55:14

How are you a mindless sheep for booking in advance??! confused. Surely that makes you mindful as you are making up your mind and making plans?? Rather than just waiting to see what happens... Mindlessly.

OP I hear you. My least favourite sentence when making plans has to be 'let's play it by ear...'


everlong Mon 16-Sep-13 18:00:42

I have a friend who say we are going out for a meal she will book it 3/4 in advance with me and want to know where we are going and what time and how we are getting there and back.

Drives me insane.

2rebecca Mon 16-Sep-13 18:04:18

If you are a large group going out for a meal decent places get booked up in advance. I rarely ate out when the kids were small as it was too much faff. people could come to us or go out to the pub to lunch without us.

TheUglyFuckling Mon 16-Sep-13 18:20:06

ah now that would piss me equally as much everlong.

my collegue is just like that. can't ever do anything without 6 weeks notice (she has no children at home), and checks and double checks where we're meeting and what time and what time everyone is leaving (er don't know it's dfinner and drink). even more strange she then has to quickly visit the venue before we actually go so that she knows it if that makes sense.

not necessarily anything to do with finding out where it is. the last venue was just a few doors down from where we all work but she still had to 'visit' it so that she knew it else she wouldn't have been able to just arrive on the night confused

TheUglyFuckling Mon 16-Sep-13 18:21:30

nuggestofpurestgreen, you don't have to tell me I know he's talking shit.

AaDB Mon 16-Sep-13 21:26:49

Why do some people think normal things don't apply to them. The very nice restaurant probably won't have a table for 8 on spec. Hotels are cheaper if you book in advance. I can't decide if they are self centred, can't bear to think beyond today or both.

Either end of the scale is annoying.

The Ugly, ditto for never getting in touch with his mates. he is the most popular anti social person I've ever met. His parents are the opposite though.

He takes a turn at arranging his own weekends away and so gets what a pain in the arse it is. hmm

He is going away tomorrow and was worried because he could not get a hotel. No shit, Sherlock, you and the rest of the world will be going to the same concert.

Shakey1500 Mon 16-Sep-13 21:36:00

Oh I had this when I moved from Wales to London. There were NO times!

Person- See you tomorrow?
Me- Brilliant, what time?
Person- 8ish?
Me- Great see you there (normally pub related)

I'd get there 8ish, as in between 7.50pm-8.10pm thereabouts. And wait. And wait (other people to chat to mind, not being a Billy no mates!) Until around 10pm ish, person would stroll in.

Me- Thought you said 8ish?
Person- Well, i'm here now!
Me- Yes but you said 8ish, so I was HERE 8ish
Person- Yeah but, I know I said 8ish but doesn't mean means sort of anytime AFTER 8. So, what you drinking?

And just like that, it's brushed off. I'm the unreasonable one, expecting them to be there around the time they said they would confused

TheUglyFuckling Tue 17-Sep-13 10:59:29

AaDB, yes I can't believe how popular Dh is considering he makes fuck all effort with his friends. it was his turn to arrange the rugby weekend away this year and I swear you'd think he'd had to arrange a congress at the UN the amount of sighing and angst that went on.

it was clearly incredibly painful and stressful for him to just book hotel rooms and travel tickets for 8 friends and take deposits. I honestly think he would rather have just paid for the whole event himself rather than have to actually contact people and make bookings.

I honestly don't think that he's self centered it's just that he hates to feel tied into anything or commited to anything. he really just wants to drift along (yes mindlessly) always keeping all his options open to the very last possible minute.

I actually think it's a real psychological issue he has because he refused to buy a house for years and years basically because he didn't want to be tied to a mortgage (and so wasted £££££££s on rents).

his Mum is just the same. feels very panicky if she's tied into a timetable of anything. goes into a meltdown if she has to organise something (her hands even shake when she's ordering a chinese takeaway for fuck's sake).

So it must be inherited or maybe just a learned response.

TheUglyFuckling Tue 17-Sep-13 11:03:50

oh Shakey don't get me fucking started on people who aren't punctual.

have a couple of good friends and THEY arrange to meet at 8pm, so they determine the time. but invariably they waltz in at 8.45ish. I stuck it for years until had a few too many bevvies and xross examined them. It was actually quite a revelation.

They both genuinely belived that so long as they 'were on their way to meet me' by 8pm then THEY WEREN'T GOING TO BE LATE. Yes, honestly, even if they knew it would take them over half an hour to travel to me, so long as they'd left their house by 7.59pm then they were fine for time.

Fucking madness and crazed insanity but that's how their minds worked.

Shakey1500 Tue 17-Sep-13 19:36:16

I found it a revelation after living in Wales where an arrangement would be made, taxi booked, a phone call to other person when taxi booked, another when I was in the taxi en route blush

Old phrase I was taught by a previous manager "To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, to be late is unacceptable" confused Couldn't quite agree with the logic behind that one but understand the sentiment.

Same manager taught me "More than one is a queue..." Totally irrelevant but thought I'd toss in in there grin

hugoagogo Tue 17-Sep-13 20:01:11

dh's mantra is "after lunch" drives me around the bend. angry

DragonsAreReal Tue 17-Sep-13 20:08:35

I really really like loose plans! Especially on a weekend as I have no idea what time I will wake up and feel like getting up and dressed.

What is wrong with saying afternoon and at some point ringing/texting to see what everyone is upto and then making a time?

I hate being tied to time on a weekend so irritating!

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