Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

AIBU to contact a school about the behaviour of one of their pupils?

(35 Posts)
TheDetective Sat 14-Sep-13 00:20:04

Because the member of staff who took my phone call made me feel a little unreasonable. And grilled me rather a lot too. hmm

DP walks past a high school on his way from work back to his car. Today, he was walking past not long after the end of the school day.

A young boy which DP estimated to be around year 7 age, in full uniform, grabbed the carrier bag of shopping which DP was carrying. He got it off DP, but DP's quick reflexes grabbed the boy and took the bag off him. The boy ran off making stupid noises.

When he got home, he told me about it. My own year 7 DS was sat in the room at the time. So I decided that it would be the right thing to do to contact the school to discuss the matter.

a) So that the school could remind their pupils on behaviour.

And b) To set an example to my own son - that people will not tolerate bad behaviour. (He has just started high school, and is walking too and from school).

Anyway, the purpose of my call was simply to inform the school that one of their pupils had behaved in this way, and could it please be addressed through assembly or a letter to pupils/parents. Whatever way they thought suitable. However they seemed rather perplexed by my call. They wanted to know the precise location of the incident, which side of the road it happened on. Wanted to know how tall the child was, what type of uniform they had on. I wasn't asking them to identify the child, merely asking them to bring it up to all the pupils whatever way they thought appropriate.

So WIBU to ring the school? We have no way of identifying the child, DP said he wouldn't be able to accurately describe or recognise him. But I think it would be important that the child know they haven't got away with the behaviour.

TheDetective Sat 14-Sep-13 00:22:29

When I say they grilled me - it was as if they didn't believe me.

The attitude was more of disbelief than anything. confused

AgentZigzag Sat 14-Sep-13 00:26:01

I know you've got an idea of what you think the school should do, but once you've told them, you have to leave it up to them to decide.

They sounded really, as though they were taking it seriously. You can't really ask for more than that.

Maybe they've got an idea of who it was if he's done similar?

Are you feeling a bit meh about it because you don't actually want to single the lad out? For whatever reason.

I'm sure they won't go steaming in.

AgentZigzag Sat 14-Sep-13 00:27:48

I thought the way you described it sounded as though they were taking it very seriously.

Them not believing you would be 'Oh, right...that's awful' and them ending the conversation.

Did your DH have some naice ham, is that why he was so protective of his bag? <head tilt>

I probably wouldn't have phoned the school myself but I don't think you were being unreasonable in doing so.

What the boy did was wrong (attempted theft?) but if the school identify him and question him he may accuse your DH of assault because he grabbed the boy when he snatched the shopping back.

TheDetective Sat 14-Sep-13 00:34:17

Obviously it's difficult to convey tone on here but the person I spoke to was definitely not interested at first. She asked me what I expected the school to do. That is why I made the suggestions above.

Then once I'd said that she was questioning me quite indepth. She even wanted to know why DP hadn't gone in to the school when it happened. DP isn't the kind of person who feels confident dealing with these kind of situations

He wanted me to deal with it.

I just felt like I wasn't believed. And like I was being a nuisance. But as I say, I just wanted to bring the matter to their attention.

Canthisonebeused Sat 14-Sep-13 00:35:13

I would suggest they probably did ant to identify th child. That's isn't typical year 7 behaviour therefore they may have already had an idea of who it could possible be and it would be far better to address the individual child abd the spofics of the incident, than reminding the whole school about behaviour.

TheDetective Sat 14-Sep-13 00:35:48

It was just bog roll and potatoes! He would have been very disappointed!

ilovesooty Netherlands Sat 14-Sep-13 00:38:06

Why isn't your husband able to deal with the school himself?

TheDetective Sat 14-Sep-13 00:38:51

Unfortunately DP wouldn't be able to pick the boy out again. He said it happened so fast, one minute he was walking along, the boy comes from nowhere, grabs the bag out of DP's hand, DP grabs the bag and boy (the hand which is holding the bag) the boy lets go of the bag and pulls his hand away, then runs in the opposite direction laughing and making daft noises.

The face to face contact was less than 2 seconds.

TheDetective Sat 14-Sep-13 00:39:59

My DP isn't as confident as me. He is a lot younger than me and absolutely hates speaking on the phone or dealing with a difficult issue.

SpeccyBat Sat 14-Sep-13 00:40:02

The school wheree I work take outside behaviour very seriously. Your ccomplaint would be acted upon OP! So no, YANBU.
Call back on monday afternoon, perhaps say that you expected someone who took your complaint a little more serious, to return your call.

ilovesooty Netherlands Sat 14-Sep-13 00:40:32

I asked because surely the school would rather hear the facts from the person involved than from someone who wasn't there.

AgentZigzag Sat 14-Sep-13 00:41:27

Could it have just been I'm Young and it's Friday Afternoon arsing about?

He wasn't going to nick your DHs meat and tatey's and was being over exuberant?

For the DH to be done for assault OldBag, the lad would have to own up and admit to it wink

TheDetective Sat 14-Sep-13 00:42:42

He was with me while I made the call so I was able to answer all questions as he was there.

He can answer me but gets very flustered over the phone.

Knowing him, he would have put the phone down early in to the call! In fact, he wouldn't have even contacted the school.

I wanted to contact them as explained in my first post.

AgentZigzag Sat 14-Sep-13 00:43:00

'He is a lot younger than me'

Oh aye??

Is it inappropriate of me to want an expansion of that?

TheDetective Sat 14-Sep-13 00:45:05

You can't do anyone for assault for taking their own bag back off someone! grin That's a bit ridiculous!

Maybe Agent. Either way a message needs to get to him some way that it won't be tolerated.

TheDetective Sat 14-Sep-13 00:46:25

Well. Not a lot! But he is 23.

GTbaby Sat 14-Sep-13 00:47:16

Detective it was good to inform school. We get incidents reported to us about students and we take it seriously.
Did they take your number?
I agree they may have an idea of who dp "met" so may try to scare said child into confessing. Or maybe they decided to humour you hmm do you know who you spoke to? Secretary? Head of yr 7.

Either way you did the right thing.

TheDetective Sat 14-Sep-13 00:47:56

He just doesn't know how to deal with things like this. He seems to be learning. grin

Some people just find it difficult. He is one of them! We have had rows over his refusal to use the phone!

ilovesooty Netherlands Sat 14-Sep-13 00:48:34

If I were the school I'd want to hear it first hand not from someone else. If he's an adult I don't see why it's helpful for him to pass responsibility to you all the time. I'd certainly expect the school to treat a direct communication more seriously

AgentZigzag Sat 14-Sep-13 00:48:38

How old are you? If that's not too rude grin it all hinges on your age.

DH is 4 years younger than me, and the thought that he was only 11 when I was 15, 14 when I was 19, is repulsive grin

TheDetective Sat 14-Sep-13 00:49:18

Secretary. She said she would pass it on to the deputy head. I gave my name and number in case they wanted to clarify anything!

I'd never let DS1 out the house again if I found out he was behaving like that!

TheDetective Sat 14-Sep-13 00:50:24

28. Just. grin

Almost 29 sad

AgentZigzag Sat 14-Sep-13 00:50:39

I find it difficult face to face (not that it stops me - gobby) and would prefer the phone, so for a 'small' thing I'd probably not go if it meant huge amounts of stress.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now