To think everyone's children can't be "very bright"

(240 Posts)
DrinkFromMyFountain Fri 13-Sep-13 19:25:51

Because a good 80% or posters/people in RL seem to refer to their kids as "very bright", surely 80% of kids can't be above average?

As the proud mother of a three month old I'm not fussed if my DS is "bright" or not, if he isn't academic I'm sure he will have other talents!

I hereby declare I shan't constantly boast about how bright he is unless he is a full in genius grin. As my mother always said, there is nothing wrong with being average.

TheLightPassenger Sun 15-Sep-13 20:10:31

I know you weren't setting out to offend gunz, but it's still an upsetting word for many. I suppose in the MN context,you could substitute "doomed to a life of academic underachievement"?

Wellwobbly Sun 15-Sep-13 20:12:41

Mrs deVere, sorry if I pushed some of your buttons, but do try and control the projection somewhat. Thanks for those who provided some dispassionate and unemotional back up.

BTW I didn't say anything about IQ. But now it has been brought up, people really shouldn't get exercised about it. 'IQ' (the ability to understand concepts) is only a small facet of ability and is only relevant if someone wants to be, say, a nuclear physicist or work with very complex mathematical or scientific problems.

Previously it was thought that high IQ = successful. This is simply not so. There is so much more to ability than thinking, and also to personality, which is how a person applies their way of working.

For instance, an employer would very often be far better off hiring people with 'less' IQ, because 'clever' people get bored easily. Indeed, people thought of as not at all clever make brilliant workers. Providing they are not asked to think about problems or come up with a new way of doing things, and providing they are well trained, they make better employees!

In my opinion tenacity (not giving up in application) is far, far more important. What you put into life, is what you get out.

TheUglyFuckling Sun 15-Sep-13 20:25:29

agree with you Wellwobbly.

My db is extremely intelligent but has always struggled to stay in a job. He's a terrible employee because he's quickly bored, quickly masters every task given him then spends his time arguing that the jobs could be done in a better (his) way. And before anyone knows where they are db is questioning company policy and arguing debating with senior managers and getting incredibly frustrated with everything.

He has no empathy with people who can't process concepts as quickly as him or follow his ideas. he's impatient and intolerant.

we all breathed a sigh of relief when he decided to work for himself as a consultant. And he's very successful now grin

for the vast majority of jobs people really don't need an IQ of higher than 100.

Wellwobbly Sun 15-Sep-13 20:29:06

So glad he found his niche TUF.

MrsDeVere Sun 15-Sep-13 20:37:48

Passive aggression is never a substitute for wit well.

smile

MrsDeVere Sun 15-Sep-13 20:39:44

Sorry
that should say 'never a good substitute*

My previous post is a downright lie.

So often is it used as an substitute for wit on MN.

Gunznroses Sun 15-Sep-13 20:56:57

Thelight - that's a good substitute. I'll try and remember that.

TheUglyFuckling Sun 15-Sep-13 21:12:04

intelligence and who is or isn't, is always the big pink elephant in the corner of the room. Everyone tries to be kind and pretend it's not really there.

Inclusionist Sun 15-Sep-13 21:20:11

DH and I met at Oxford, His grandparents met at Cambridge, 5 PhDs in the immediate family, including DH. DS could be expected to be bright.

Actually he is a nice little lad. Enthusiastic, funny, loving, confident but not exceeding expectations academically. I don't think it's going to hold him back.

Inclusionist Sun 15-Sep-13 21:27:13

<He can read cvc words though, and was only 3 last month> validates existance on mumsnet

DeWe Sun 15-Sep-13 21:51:14

There is a certain extent that "brightness", as beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
My grandparents left school with no qualifications at age 14. So my df who went to university was pure genius.
Dm had a friend who used to boast about her brilliant ds. He was outstanding in maths. She used to say things like "I don't expect there's anyone who understands maths as well as him". One time in the conversation it got mentioned that he was in set 3 out of 8. But because she had always struggled in any maths, to her that was outstanding.
Equally well I know someone who regards herself as not very clever. Lets just say she has a first in Chemistry from Durham and got 5 As at Alevel back in the days where 3 was typical. Her three siblings got 6-7 As at Alevel and went to Oxbridge.
She nearly didn't apply to university as she thought she wouldn't get in, because she clearly (compared to siblings) wasn't clever enough. I wouldn't say she suffers from low confidence and low self-esteme either.

So when we see our baby, who not very long ago was only pooing, sleeping and burping draw a scribble on the paper and say "dog", they are clever in our eyes and we can be proud of them.

Wellwobbly Mon 16-Sep-13 15:50:05

Nothing passive aggressive about what I wrote Mrs deVere. Sorry I made you react, control your projections. Simple straightforward English.

KatoPotato Mon 16-Sep-13 17:16:26

Do you have to pay for IQ tests? Doesn't seem a very 'bright' plan to me.

My Dad used to love winding up a guy in the pub who bleated on about being a member of MENSA.

'How much did that cost you pal? - Very clever!'

wink1970 Mon 16-Sep-13 17:38:37

This subject makes me LOL very hard - in my family there are at least 2 primary age DC who are supposedly genius level.

No they're not, you just taught them the basics earlier than their peers/before they went to school, so they have a head start for a while.

Telling a child they are 'bright' when really you have just given them a head start IMHO fosters an initial over-confidence in the DC, that can translate into later laziness, followed by esteem issues if they don't continue to be ahead of the curve. I saw it loads at school (a pushy parent paradise).

TootiesFrootie Mon 16-Sep-13 18:15:24

I think it is great if kids are gifted or very bright but however hard I try I just can't bring myself to care. I care about my own kids but hearing about others is usually very dull.
I am impressed when friends kids get a zillion A*'s or go to Cambridge or invent something hmm or climb Mount Everest with a sack of potatoes on their back -- but its a fleeting moment and I go back to NOT CARING.

On the other hand I am a sucker for stories about kids who have 'achieved' things against the odds, even if they are more modest achievements smile

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