To think oh "STFU" and give no further consideration to this "parenting concern" from ds's Dad?

(121 Posts)
Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 11:46:13

Apparently he is "concerned" that ds eats coco pops for breakfast twice a week as its nothing more than "sugary air". Ds usually has eggs or bacon or toast on the other days but these coco pops are a REAL issue apparently. We have had two heated phone calls about it in the last 24 hours hmm.

He's my ex by the way.

In that case, Sparkly, carry on. You're doing an incredible job. thanks

YouTheCat Fri 13-Sep-13 12:59:32

So he's not that involved with the actual job of parenting but still thinks he should be able to dictate?

Ignore him. If he calls, don't pick up. He can text if it's something urgent and then you can choose to get back to him about it.

Is he drunk when he's called you?

Snorbs Fri 13-Sep-13 13:00:59

I'd write back with something like:

"Thankyou for letting me know your views on DS's breakfast. I have given the matter careful thought and, in particular, have weighed your opinion along with DS's opinions on food choices, his overall health and the importance of a varied diet. As a result I have decided not to change DS's breakfast choices at this time. Yours etc."

Then refuse to engage in conversation about it and insist that if he has a problem that he should put it in writing. Keep it short, keep it business-like, don't get into an argument.

unlucky83 Fri 13-Sep-13 13:01:17

Depends on your relationship with X -but you might explain to X that this seems like a relatively harmless way of allowing DS treats - after all better that you get all that sugar etc within a meal rather than as an extra on top of a meal ...
Cocoa pops twice a week with a balanced diet is not going to do you DS any harm...in fact might be a good thing...
MY DD1 at 6 was excited when I was giving birth to DD2 - because she got to stay at a friends and have Cocoa pops for breakfast! (Never had them at home)
Now at 12.5- if she can be persuaded to have breakfast at all ...she might have weetabix - nice and healthy - except unless supervised it will be with 4 heaped dessert spoons of sugar (and sometime even sprinkled with cocoa powder) shock Coupled with a can of squirty cream for lunch hmm - I think giving her the occasional bowl of cocoa pops for breakfast might have been a good idea..

PostBellumBugsy Fri 13-Sep-13 13:01:39

Agree with shabbynochic, sounds like you are doing a great job - just carry on!

I have found with ex-H, it is easier just to agree to stuff to get him off my case and carry on with what I'm doing. Like your ex, he didn't do much while we were together, does even less since we divorced and just likes to throw his weight around from time to time. In my view actions speak louder than words and putting the hours in show real love & care, not just jumping on a soap box from time to time.

FourGates Fri 13-Sep-13 13:01:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 13:33:01

No he's not massively into healthy eating for those who asked. He's into heavy drinking though!

Makqueen2 Fri 13-Sep-13 13:35:00

My ex is the same.

Only he feeds ds a diet of such shit when he's with him that he gains a lot of weight.

Then he has the cheek to ask me if I am feeding ds organic when he's here.

OctopusPete8 Fri 13-Sep-13 13:37:52

Even if it was everyday, you'd think he was having mcdonalds every day he sounds like a nutter.

burberryqueen Fri 13-Sep-13 13:45:04

sparkly so the guy is an alkie who cannot look after his own child?
pfffftttt - just carry on...ignore...

MikeOxard Fri 13-Sep-13 15:28:47

The man's a twat. There's nothing wrong with cocopops. Most kids eat kid's ceareal for breakfast every day. Tbh if I was worried about his breakfasts at all, it'd be the cooked breakfast 5 times a week being too many calories, but if he isn't overweight then that's obviously not the case. I'd tell the ex to jog on. It seems to me that controll (or at least influence) is the issue here, not breakfast.

Topseyt Fri 13-Sep-13 15:56:58

I must say that I admire you for doing a good cooked breakfast several times a week. Coco pops on the other couple of occasions will do your son no harm at all.

Your ex sounds like an arse with a rather loud bee in his bonnet.

It is a shame he has nothing better to do with his time than go banging on about coco pops. I would tell him to STFU. If he still pushes it then just ask yourself when you last heard of a court or anyone else in authority taking action against a parent over coco pops. He wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

EldritchCleavage Fri 13-Sep-13 16:46:16

Well, your DP sounds unreasonable. But for DS's sake, could you try and get him eating a chocolate wholewheat cereal instead, which would be slightly better? E.G. chocolate mini Weetabix or something.

PomBearArmy Fri 13-Sep-13 18:42:44

My ex was a back seat parent too. It's very easy to dish out demands when they're not having to do any actual parenting isn't it? And it's bizarre how they focus on the tiny inconsequential things.

My DS is autistic too, I know how tough it can be to get them to eat what they don't want to eat. And my DS eats nothing at all for breakfast, he won't have it. If he ate like your son I'd be dancing around our roof like Mary Poppins!

For an easy life you can fob the guy off, tell him you've taken his thoughts on board and you'll do your best, while carrying on as normal in the knowledge that Coco Pops are not the devils own cereal, or tell him if he's that bothered he can be at your house at 7am Monday to Friday with suitable breakfast provisions prepared.

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 18:49:12

grin At dancing round like Mary Poppins, that was my favourite film as a child.

I love your suggested letter Snorbs grin.

He wouldn't eat Weetabix, would make him gag. The only cereals he will tolerate are co co pops, rice crispies or cookie crisp hmm. I kind of alternate between those three when I am buying.

He usually has: cheese on toast, poached eggs on toast, boiled eggs and soldiers, ham and cheese toasties, or maybe sausage or bacon and eggs, not all at once obviously and the bread used is always whole meal.

Hissy Fri 13-Sep-13 18:56:31

Don't take parenting direction from him then! Who the fuck is he to comment?

My ex never rolled up his sleeves either, and as a consequence he knows that he can FTFO before he says a single thing about how his so is raised.

Fwiw, as long as your son is thriving and well, that's all that matters.

Imho banning foods creates a NEED for thé child for have to have whatever it is you've said they're not allowed to have.

Your DS is about to become a teen, when he does, the amount of calories he will need will be greater than those needed by a grown man.

Don't engage with your ex on this, what you feed your son, on the money you spend on food is up to you.

You can't tell him what to feed DS on his mini watch, likewise he has no business meddling in your life.

TobyLerone Fri 13-Sep-13 18:59:25

Oh, tell him to piss off.

I'm not sure why you got any sort of a hard time on this thread. He's being a meddling pisswizard and should butt out.

Unless you bitch about what he feeds your DS when he's with him, he has no right to try to tell you what to feed him when he's clearly getting a decent, balanced diet.

kangarooshoes Fri 13-Sep-13 20:01:06

FFS, he is right, they are sugary air, and twice a week is too much.

But calling twice in 24hrs? That is unreasonable.

But so is coming on here for ammunition that "he's being unreasonable" when you could have ended it quickly:

Dad: "I don't like boy eating crap for breakfast."
Mum: "Me neither, and I see we both want a healthy boy, so shall I buy some porridge oats?"
Dad: "Great, shall I collect from swimming?"

But that sounds much more grown up than you're being...

AmberLeaf Fri 13-Sep-13 20:10:36

Kangarooshoes you didn't read the thread did you?

meddling pisswizard grin love it.

OP Keep calm and carry on.

TobyLerone Fri 13-Sep-13 20:13:42

Missing the point, kangaroo.

OP could easily have said "shall I buy some porridge oats?"

Or she could refuse to give in to his attempts to control her despite them being separated/divorced, and give her child whatever the hell she likes for breakfast.

Lancelottie Fri 13-Sep-13 20:15:22

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa to making a nice pot of porridge for an autistic child with food issues.

Yep. Good luck with that one.

To be fair, though, Kangaroo didn't suggest actually feeding them to the boy, just buying some.

17 years in, here, and boyo has never yet managed to tolerate porridge, or even 'wet' Weetabix.

Bogeyface Fri 13-Sep-13 20:23:07

So he never has him to stay over, never did any child care when you were together so presumably has never actually served him breakfast? Also then, he has never had first hand full time experience of living with a child with Autism where saying "Just give him Weetabix" isnt that simple?

Tell him to piss off.

And dont drip feed!!! wink

Bogeyface Fri 13-Sep-13 20:25:18

Dad: "I don't like boy eating crap for breakfast."
Mum: "Me neither, and I see we both want a healthy boy, so shall I buy some porridge oats?"
Dad: "Great, shall I collect from swimming?"
Mum: No, he wont be going swimming because we will be stuck at home scraping uneaten porridge from the pan and dealing with his fainting fit due to low blood sugar as he didnt get any breakfast.

kangarooshoes Fri 13-Sep-13 20:35:55

Sorry, I didn't realise there was more to it, as I based my reply on the OP. The OP doesn't mention autism.

Cocoa pops are sugary air.

But, with your extra issues, the grown up thing would be to smile and nod, ignore and get on with being a great mum.

needaholidaynow Fri 13-Sep-13 21:21:20

My DP and I voice our concerns about things to do with our children, such as "I think he needs a thicker coat on than that" or "He shouldn't be eating that" or "You haven't put nappy rash cream on when he needs it on" or "Why is he not in bed yet?"

Put short, we parent together. That wouldn't change if we weren't together. If one of us wasn't happy with something as the other parent, I'd like to think we'd both be able to say something to one another without being told to "shut the fuck up"

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now