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to be in tears over Christmas?

(82 Posts)
FreckledLeopard Thu 12-Sep-13 22:53:24

Backstory: moved from London to Bristol just over a year ago. Just DD and I. No family down here. My father died when I was a teenager and I have no siblings. My mother has vascular dementia but still spends Christmas with us, though it's getting harder year on year.

Most Christmases were spent with my lovely cousin and her family in London. We went there last year and had a great time.

I've wanted to host Christmas and now I have a bit of room to do so. I also didn't want to have to impose on my cousin - they may be doing their own thing or want some peace this year, so instead I invited my uncle, his daughter and her husband and their DD. I am close to my uncle and his DD (a bit older than me) has been on holiday with us in the past and vice versa.

I spoke to my uncle earlier this evening to ask if he'd heard anything from his DD about whether they'd come for Christmas. He's fairly straight talking and told me my plans were "never going to happen" as his DD's husband "doesn't like you".

I was pretty taken aback. I don't know him very well but have spent time with him over the years and always thought he was a nice, interesting guy. I have no idea what I've done to make him dislike me.

I've been in tears on and off all evening. I'm dreading Christmas and have images of it being just me, DD and my mother. I hate not having a large family, hate that my mother is going downhill, can't bear to think of DD being sad and lonely at Christmas with no-one her age around.

I'm gutted that I'm disliked by someone I liked and respected. I sent my cousin a text saying how upset I was that her husband disliked me so much and apologising if I'd offended them in any way. Have heard nothing back but she phoned my uncle and gave him an ear-bashing for telling me.

I'm so desparate. I'm too scared to phone my lovely cousin in London in case they already have plans or only want immediate family. I don't want to be a burden on them. If I can't celebrate Christmas with them then that's pretty much the final straw. I can't go away with DD as my mother has no-one.

I'm crying again and so, so low. Fucking families. sad

daisychain01 Sat 14-Sep-13 08:04:29

Freckled, how about Westonbirt Arboretum, they do wonderful Christmas events all through Dec. Your DD12 would think it was magical!

<hugs>

daisychain01 Sat 14-Sep-13 08:07:55

Ps families can be a complete stressy pain at Christmas, esp. When all thrown together and made to feel that "you WILL feel happy!" whether they like it or not.

So maybe having the freedom to get out and doing a few things with DD will be a great alternative.

silverten Sat 14-Sep-13 08:38:25

Would it console you a bit to point out that there are probably quite a lot more people who don't much like your uncle than don't like you? (Most of the folk on this thread, far a start!)

Because from what you've said, he makes no effort to consider anyone else's feelings, whilst you genuinely care about what other people think and want them to be happy.

Guitargirl Sat 14-Sep-13 08:45:36

Wow - 'straight-talking' is one thing but your uncle was being just plain mean!

If you haven't already spoken with your cousin then why not ask by email/text if you think it's going to upset you? Don't put yourself through that conversation, you're obviously feeling emotional about it at the moment and I don't blame you. At least if your cousin is not able to come then knowing this far in advance gives you time to make lots of plans for your DD/you.

fortyplus Mon 16-Sep-13 07:43:19

Before I had children of my own, my Christmas Day was invariable spent with my parents and other older relatives, including my Great Uncle who insisted on bringing his electric organ which he played (badly) throughout the day with my grandmother caterwauling out of tune in the background.

As teenagers we hated it, and my dad used to say that Christmas isn't about one day, it's the whole season that matters.

25th Dec may not happen exactly as you'd hoped but no doubt you and your dd will enjoy many other happy times over the festive season.

fortyplus Mon 16-Sep-13 07:43:49

invariably blush

BeaLola Mon 16-Sep-13 09:37:20

I think Christmas with just you and your DD could be fab.
Some great suggestions OP from other posters and also some info re Bristol activities -what would your DD Love to do ?

I woud book a couple of things for the weekends leading up to Christmas.... Ice Skating, christmas market, christmas film maybe.

Before DS I took neighbours children out on Christmas Eve for lunch & film for a few years and it was lovely.
Re Drinks for neighbours - go for it - i secnd the poster who said to do it in the week between christmas and new year when less on.

Why not sit down one evening with your DD and draw up a list Each of what you would like to do including christmas lunch . I did this with my DH & DS fr the holidays and it was great fUn - we has things like zoo frm my DS whIlst my DH had fish &chips on the beach one evening for dinner etc etc & it was great fun fitting it all in.

You can do exactly what you would both like when you like :-))

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