oh god i have to go on a spa weekend soon for a hen do. AIBU to ask

(66 Posts)
dirtyface Thu 12-Sep-13 16:00:04

why oh why do grown women getting married have to force all their mates to shell out 100s on organised "fun"

i have to go. she is one of my oldest mates, i can't let her down

but i will be 4 months pregnant

and its over 120 quid

i can't go in the jacuzzi or have any treatments due to being pg

i can't drink

i won't know many people

and i will most probably have to share a room with someone i don't know

aaaaargh sad

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 13-Sep-13 17:46:17

can you afford it? if so then suggest that you go for the day and enjoy being pampered with massage/nails/facial and swim/yummy lunch but not to stay the night/do drinking games

compromise is the key as she is a good friend smile

fatlazymummy Fri 13-Sep-13 17:22:31

Maybe, but don't you normally stay in a hotel for a reason? Not just to go swimming or have your nails done.

DontmindifIdo Fri 13-Sep-13 17:02:49

fatlazymummy - actually, if it includes a stay in a nice hotel, breakfast, lunch and dinner, then yes, I'd say that was reasonable regardless of the treatments thrown in...

SeraphinaSparklePants Fri 13-Sep-13 16:50:38

I agree with Jamie.
If she's a really good friend, I'd make the effort for her.
I know it's galling to spend a lot on something you really don't fancy, but you might enjoy it, and she'll hopefully appreciate you making the effort for her.

mummymeister Fri 13-Sep-13 16:42:50

speak to her. tell her your concerns and that you really don't feel you would get the most out of it. OP some treatments are OK for pg women but agree it wont be all of them. why not organise for the two of you to do a treat together - afternoon tea somewhere local and posh. not worth losing a friendship over so only you know how much it means to her for you to be there.

fatlazymummy Fri 13-Sep-13 16:39:42

Reasonable? £120 to swim in a pool and have your nails done? I've heard it all now.

Loopylala7 Fri 13-Sep-13 15:53:46

I didn't go on a friends birthday spa outing as other than it not being a special birthday (kind of extravagant to expect your mates to spend on a random birthday I think) I would have to a.buy a maternity swim suit, b.not go in the jacussi, c.not go in steam room or sauna, d. Limited treatment offers for pregnant ladies, e.not be able to have the 'free bubbly'. Basically you spend loads on a swimming session with a 'light lunch' how crap is that! I would try to get out of it.

PrincessScrumpy Fri 13-Sep-13 14:51:16

I went to one when pg with twins and I swam in the pool then sat and chatted, had my nails painted and read a book. You don't have to sit in a jacuzzi and this is a really good friend. It's her hen night not yours so it's about what she wants to do.
120 seems fairly reasonableto me and you could easily spans that in one night out on food, drinks and club entry. I think in your circumstances I would go.
I didn't go to a friends weekend hen do in Butlins and she was really upset but I was bfing dd at the time

monkeymamma Fri 13-Sep-13 14:32:29

C'mon you miserable buggers I would love to go on a spa weekend! To be honest even low key hen do's end up costing ££ these days, drinks, taxis, outfits, whatever, so just be glad she hasn't asked you all to join her on a four day Ibiza bonanza. If she's a good friend and you can afford it, I think you are being pretty U (& yab a bit pregzilla!)
Have a swim, get yer nails done, enjoy the unlimited tea/coffee/orange juice, get some cake down yer and put your bloody feet up! Spas are lovely and relaxing IMO, anywhere you can spend the whole break in a fluffy dressing gown (that someone else has to wash) can't be wrong. And there'll be loads of magazines! And you won't have to do any washing up/cleaning/cooking. Fgs, I'll go if you don't want to...

Branleuse Fri 13-Sep-13 10:09:54

you can go in a jacuzzi. Just dont get bubbles up your fanny

VulvaVoom Fri 13-Sep-13 09:50:03

Oh I sympathise, I dread bloody spa days and horrendous things like that. My lovely SILs got me a massage voucher as a baby shower present over a year ago and I haven't used it. I'm sure massages are relaxing for some people but not for me, I would be totally on edge!

NuggetofPurestGreen Fri 13-Sep-13 09:03:20

It's easy to say 'just don't go' but some people get really upset about these. And yes I know if they were a good friend they'd understand etc etc but sometimes it's not worth the hassle not to go. A friend fell out with me because I didn't want to go on her hen for what I thought were good reasons. Wedding invitation revoked etc. obviously I'm better off without her but was upsetting at the time.

Anyway OP YANBU for wondering why people have to make such a fuss about hens I don't get it either. I wonder could you get out of it on pregnancy grounds? But maybe you will just have to go and put up with it. I feel your pain I hate hens.

Therealamandaclarke Fri 13-Sep-13 08:44:20

I think lots of get het up about having to do "hen" things.
It's an expense that is sometimes begrudged. Whatever the arrangements.
There's no reason why a pg woman can't enjoy a spa weekend.
The drinking thing is more of an issue. It is a pita to be sober while everyone else is getting pissed.
just be grateful she's not insisting on a long weekend overseas. Now that I would draw the line at. I loathe hen/ stag events being turned into a bloody holiday. grin

wafflingworrier Fri 13-Sep-13 01:43:48

don't go!
be honest!
I went to a similar thing against my better judgement this summer and am still upset by it, I didn't enjoy it and couldn't afford it but knew I HAD to to keep my friend. now im left with the horrid feeling that she's not a good friend anyway, due to above. whereas if i had been honest with her at least id know for sure and still have the £450!

tiggerpigger Fri 13-Sep-13 00:38:20

If she's such a good friend you should go. You'll regret it if you don't. Poor girl if her best friends won't go on her hen do.

whois Fri 13-Sep-13 00:37:23

I think you should go if it is a good friend. It will be a nice weekend relaxing and chatting with friends. Read a book, have a swim. Stop being so miserable. Of be upset if a good friend didnt go when they had initially been keen.

pinkr Fri 13-Sep-13 00:32:20

You can go in the jacuzzi....the only risk with it is over heating but tbh a bath in you're house is likely to be hotter. Steam room etc is ob out. Take a book, lie on a lounger and relax. Enjoy the peace while you can.

YeahWhat Thu 12-Sep-13 22:45:29

You shouldn't go, it would be silly to go if you don't want to. If she is a real friend she won't mind. She will be dissapointed but she won't mind.

squoosh Thu 12-Sep-13 22:40:09

I love spas, find them relaxing and blissful, but wouldn't especially like to be stuck there with lots of people I don't particularly know.

Agree that paintballing and all that malarkey can be just as painful in terms of 'organised fun'.

Poor bride, it's really hard to accomodate loads of different tastes.

ShakeAndVac Thu 12-Sep-13 22:36:37

At 4 months pregnant, if she's any proper friend, she won't mind if you explain to her and will completely understand.
You obviously can't drink, as you say, you can't use the jacuzzi or have most kinds of essential oil type massage things, and basically it's going to be a bit crap for you.
If I were you, I'd explain it to her like you have here. If I was your friend, I'd completely understand.
Say you'll go out for a meal with her when she gets back instead and she can have a mini 'second' hen night with you. Meal, mocktails for you and cocktails for her type thing. smile

specialsubject Thu 12-Sep-13 22:31:33

oh dear, it looks like thinking that a spa is a really boring thing to do goes down as well as not buying tat for people at Christmas. :-)

stuck indoors all day, shared water, no doubt tiny pool so you can't even have a proper swim, ghastly fragrances everywhere, painful treatments. No ta.

yummumto3girls Thu 12-Sep-13 22:21:53

I think this thread shows how hard it is to find something that pleases everyone!! What a nightmare!! I really don't understand the thing about Jacuzzi's when pregnant, they're not that hot, my baths at home are way hotter and I stayed in them way longer when pregnant!

holidaysarenice Thu 12-Sep-13 21:47:23

I heard a lecturer at uni tell us about a baby born with severe developmental problems, damage to developing brain and organs. The cause - too long (over 4 hours) in a jacuzzi at too high a heat at a crucial devlopmental stage.

holidaysarenice Thu 12-Sep-13 21:43:57

I heard a lecturer at uni tell us about a baby born with severe developmental problems, damage to developing brain and organs. The cause - too long (over 4 hours) in a jacuzzi at too high a heat at a crucial devlopmental stage.

DontmindifIdo Thu 12-Sep-13 20:54:05

TondelayoSchwarzkopf - paintballing, go-karting and Alton Towers in a large group all being on a strict time table of "this is when we'll have fun!" sounds like hell!

See, whatever you plan for a large group, you'll find some who truely hate what you suggest and think you're doing it just to be a nightmare - agree, does sound like the "boozy weekend away" was not popular so she's gone for "civilised, grown up 'girls' weekend" instead.

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