to expect my dp not to fall asleep while watching the kids in the evening when i'm working

(32 Posts)
kaylasmum Thu 12-Sep-13 11:15:00

I work 6-11 wednesday and thursday, i have 2 kids aged 9 and 6. Quite often my dp falls asleep while watching them in the evening. I know they're old enough to get on wth things themselves but i feel that he should be giving them attention.

This morning my ds said that they were sitting in the dark last night cos their sad was asleep. I asked my dp when i finished work last night if my dd had been for a shower, he said she had'nt, she told me this morning that she had.

Because he has slept for a while in the evening he does'nt go to bed until late so he's tired the next day again. My dcs tell me they hâte me going to work and i think this is why. I spoke to my dp about this today and he basically said its my fault for working evenings!!

So aibu and overreacting.

It sounds to me like he's sending you a message: looking after DCis Women's Work, and his working hours are strictly the ones he is being paid for - so when he's at home, domestic stuff is your responsibility. Even though your wages are contributing to the family budget, you do not have a penis, therefore you are on family duty 24/7 and for him to 'look after' his own children is a massive imposition.

chocoluvva Fri 13-Sep-13 11:18:02

I agree.

He's deliberately making it difficult for you to work - he's saying, work if you're determined to, but I'm not going to look after the DC properly while you're at work.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 13-Sep-13 11:19:48

tbh it seems a bit lame that your DC can't turn the light on for themselves when it gets dark and a tad passive aggressive. However I do agree that your DH should sort the children out first and get them up to bed before he falls asleep. My nearly 8yo goes up to bed for about 7.30 even though he doesn't sleep much before 9pm. There are times when he and his 3yo brother are still awake when DH goes to bed at about 9pm but at least they are settled in their rooms.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 13-Sep-13 11:20:41

oh and that is nonsense about it being your fault. That alone would make me very angry

chocoluvva Fri 13-Sep-13 11:21:56

The DC did turn the light on themselves, according to a later post from the OP.

LurcioLovesFrankie Fri 13-Sep-13 11:40:25

I am a single mother. I also WOH. I am "blessed" with a DC who has always, consistently since babyhood, needed about 2 hrs less sleep than the average at any given age - some people are just like that, it is in the nature of statistics. He is 5.5 and currently goes to bed about 8.30, 9.00 ish. No problems with energy levels, concentration, behaviour on this regime - sometimes that's the way things are. You can't force a child to bed at 7.00 if they're not wired that way (well, you can, but you'll have a frustrating hour and half of trying to settle them, having them up for a wee/glass of water/ etc. etc., or end up being the really annoying person griping "my child always wakes me up at 5.00am when you've chosen to give them a ridiculously early bed time). Of course there are times when I'd like a nap, or when it would be lovely to get DS to bed at 7.30 so I can do a bit of housework, indulge in my hobbies or watch a whole film in one sitting before my bedtime. But my life doesn't work out that way - and I chose to be a parent. And it's temporary (things are improving with age as he gets more able to entertain himself).

So I'm inclined to thing SGB has (as she almost always does) nailed it with her comment. Your DH just thinks he's above doing childcare, or that his sleep is important in a way yours isn't, because he's male.

Kewcumber Fri 13-Sep-13 11:44:20

Skinny I know this is hijacking but ...

"Hes just been diagnosed with sleep apnoea so he uses that as an excuse to why he's tired all the time!"

Please try to be sympathetic. I had sleep apnoea and it was like being a living zombie and one of the hardest things was how unsympathetic my family were. It made me very miserable. You will see a huge difference when he is used to his cpap machine.

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