To think this friend was/is being extremely rude and to distance myself from her in future?

(124 Posts)
LostMyBiroAgain Wed 11-Sep-13 14:00:08

I am so cross with a friend. I think today has been the last straw regarding my friendship with her, but she's done other things too that have made me feel a bit uneasy.

Today she invited me round to hers for coffee and so that our 3 year old DDs, who are friends at nursery too, could play together. It was at her suggestion that I went round. I had nothing else planned but would have been happy to stay home, I'm not one of those people that needs to live in friends' pockets.

Anyway, we went round to her house and from the moment we got there I could tell she was in one of 'those' moods. We knocked at the door and she came, opened it and then walked off into her kitchen without greeting us. I was friendly as normal and said hello and started chatting and she didn't reply to me or even say hello to DD. I went through to her kitchen and she was in there cleaning the worktops and doing other jobs. Eventually we went and sat through in her living room and she was really moody the whole time we were there. She didn't once speak to DD, and was snappy with me and giving me one word answers. I tried a few times to start talking and she was so rude and arsey. She also kept talking about other friends of hers and how great they are and how she's been to this with X and been to there with Y. She didn't seem to want to get into any conversation with me at all. She sat there on her phone most of the time, and then suddenly walked off and went and started clearing up in another room, leaving me sitting there. She also kept telling her DD 'yes when LostMyBiro has gone, we'll go round and see Jane next door'.

After about an hour of being there, her DD kept being spiteful to my DD and my friend just kept laughing, so I politely said that I had to go now as I had to go out this afternoon and had lots to do. I got DDs shoes on and left, but felt really tearful. I really wish I hadn't bothered going and had stayed home. The atmosphere could have been cut with a knife, she really didn't want me there! And yet she invited me. She's done it before to me, and I feel she's either really pally with me and acts like I'm a good friend, then suddenly without warning every few weeks she acts all moody towards me and makes out that she's having a great time with other friends and that she hates my company.

She also always forgets plans with me. It has got to the point now where I only meet up with her at her suggestion as she constantly forgot things, even though she seems to manage perfectly well to remember plans with others. And even when she suggests things she still forgets about them, or cancels at the last minute then gets irritated when I won't meet at another day/time of her choice. She also makes lots of barbed, abrupt comments disguised as compliments. DH says he thinks she is testing me out to see if I'll be her little lap dog and do as she says!

And one more thing; she told me a few weeks ago that DD is invited in a couple of weeks to the party of her friend's DD. I mentioned the party today and she was snappy and insisted that she hadn't said that to me and that unless I had had an invite then DD wasn't invited. I don't care whether or not DD is invited, but I feel she's gaslighting me a little...

AIBU to keep my distance? I have to be careful as our DDs will be at school together next year and my friend has lots of friends and acquaintances and I really don't want to have enemies at the school gates!

EarlyIntheMorning Wed 11-Sep-13 14:17:58

WOW
Cut her loose
She's toxic

1944girl Wed 11-Sep-13 14:23:01

Dump her.

I had to do this recently after someone whom I thought was a close friend started demonstrating this kind of behavior,I feel much better since I stopped bothering with her.

BrianTheMole Wed 11-Sep-13 14:23:05

Move on. Polite smile when you bump into her, but just keep walking. She sounds toxic.

SusanneLinder Wed 11-Sep-13 14:25:39

I had a friend like that once-we were 14! I ditched her.

I would have said to her"oh you should have phoned me and canxif you were having a bad day as it is obvious you arent in the mood for company, don't worry we all have off days (patronising sweetly sick tone), c'mon dd lets go home" Be surprisingly unavailable when she makes any other arrangements.

JellyWellyWoo Wed 11-Sep-13 14:25:51

Erg! I too wasted A LOT of time having 'friends' like this. Distance yourself as everyone is saying. I am sure you deserve better than that and don't feel guilty either, it is not your fault she treats you this way smile

EldritchCleavage Wed 11-Sep-13 14:26:47

Agree with all the above. One thing though: if she asks you what is going on or invites you over again, I wouldn't make excuses (all she will take from that is that you are too cowardly to call her on what she does). I would just say you're tired of her being so ill-mannered.

LostMyBiroAgain Wed 11-Sep-13 14:29:42

I would do Eldritch but in all honesty I don't think it would achieve anything. I think she would probably just use it as a catalyst to start a big 'argument' between us, and I really can't be bothered with it. I'd rather just let things drift.

picnicbasketcase Wed 11-Sep-13 14:33:09

Ugh. Fair weather friend, ie user rude cow bag. Be vague, polite, don't agree to any more plans and let it go.

BrokenSunglasses Wed 11-Sep-13 14:36:47

She sounds like a complete bitch.

Cut her out.

I think she probably has her own ishoos.

nicename Wed 11-Sep-13 14:46:52

Of course you know who she'll call when she is in a fix.

She sounds a little unhinged tbh - blowing hot and cold isn't normal behaviour. If you were a free on-tap babysitter I could just about understand why she woult try to be mates while having the face of a catsshiteater.

I'd avoid. As loads of people have said 'smile and wave and keep walking'.

PedantMarina Wed 11-Sep-13 14:50:38

I think it's true in general, but specifically on this day, that she had made an arrangement with you, but then a "better"* offer came along, then she was trying to make you want to leave, because she was too cowardly and dishonest to say so.

*to her warped tiny little mind, of course!

Like when guys piss off women so we'll break up with them.

By all means, cut her adrift. But do try to assert yourself and tell her why.

SugarHut Wed 11-Sep-13 14:53:31

1) She's acting like a dick. No question.
2) It sounds to me almost deliberate, like she orchestrated the whole "show" because she's pissed off with you for some (unknown?) reason and strongly wants you to know it. Which is also behaving like a dick, but might explain it.

When my best friend thought I was becoming very friendly with another woman at DS' school, she starting getting snappy with me, almost stroppy teen behaviour. Acted like an arse for about a month in fact. I'd done nothing wrong, but she simply didn't like the developing friendship. She's over it now, but nevertheless that was the reason behind her behaviour. Even if it's an unfair reason, can you think of anything she might be harbouring a petty grudge for?

If you feel you have at one point been genuine friends, them it would be a shame not to investigate this before you cut her loose, no? Ignoring this recent behaviour, would you miss her as a friend?

nicename Wed 11-Sep-13 14:54:50

Can she really be so un self aware that she hasn't rung up to apologise for being a complete bag? Even is she called to say 'sorry I was being a shit but X,Y,Z...' would show some degree of sense.

MrsDibble Wed 11-Sep-13 15:00:57

Definitely distance yourself.

There will be lots of other nice people at school gates, both children and parents, for you and dd to be friends with. She can't possibly have them all hoovered up in to a little gang.

I agree with the above that you should just act casual and say "thanks, we're busy" so that she doesn't have anything to latch onto.

She sounds absolutely awful. And it's definitely not good for dd to see a "friend" treating you like that - she will think it's normal and let herself be treated in same way.

LostMyBiroAgain Wed 11-Sep-13 15:04:00

Many thanks everyone for all the replies and comments smile

SugarHut, no I don't think there's anything I could have done wrong tbh.

CrabbyBigBottom Wed 11-Sep-13 15:04:02

I honestly can't understand why you would let someone treat you like that. shock If she had answered the door to me like that I would have asked her what the hell was wrong with her. If she said busy then I'd have said either
"Well what did you invite me round for then!" or
"Well we'll leave you to it in that case" and left.

If she'd ignored me in the kitchen then I'd have walked out of the house without a backward glance. Why on earth did you stay there and let her treat you like a fucking idiot!

Get angry woman! Fuck her and fuck the school gate - if you make yourself into a doormat then nasty twats will walk all over you.

PTFO Wed 11-Sep-13 15:07:35

Im with crabbybig bottom. I'd have called her on it, what a bitch, class A.

Avoid avoid avoid. How did you sit there..!!

deakymom Wed 11-Sep-13 15:10:58

be busy chat be polite but when she wants you to go over be busy that day/time/millennium

MissStrawberry Wed 11-Sep-13 15:11:00

Stop looking up to her. "Have to be careful etc etc."

She is not worth another minute of your time.

TSSDNCOP Wed 11-Sep-13 15:11:33

Bin and move on. Life's just to fucking short to waste on wankers.

CeliaFate Wed 11-Sep-13 15:11:35

I'd have asked her what was wrong or made my excuses and left.
She treats you badly because you let her. She is a bully and you are polite and friendly.
I wouldn't bother with her again and if she texted me I'd be "busy".

elcranko Wed 11-Sep-13 15:24:06

Definitely distance yourself from her, she sounds horrible. Glad you have other nice friends, you should spend more time with them instead. There's no need for a big showdown or anything, as others have said- just be busy when she calls and let the friendship fizzle out. I bet you'll be happier without her in your life.

Lizzabadger Wed 11-Sep-13 15:30:03

She sounds like a complete weirdo.
Ditch her!

honeybunny14 Wed 11-Sep-13 15:35:31

I would stay away from her she sounds very ignorant

takeaway2 Wed 11-Sep-13 15:40:09

how weird!! why did she invite you over then? did she forget she invited you round which might explain why she was washing the kitchen (ie she thought you'd 'popped' round??!). dump her!

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