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To think this friend was/is being extremely rude and to distance myself from her in future?

(124 Posts)
LostMyBiroAgain Wed 11-Sep-13 14:00:08

I am so cross with a friend. I think today has been the last straw regarding my friendship with her, but she's done other things too that have made me feel a bit uneasy.

Today she invited me round to hers for coffee and so that our 3 year old DDs, who are friends at nursery too, could play together. It was at her suggestion that I went round. I had nothing else planned but would have been happy to stay home, I'm not one of those people that needs to live in friends' pockets.

Anyway, we went round to her house and from the moment we got there I could tell she was in one of 'those' moods. We knocked at the door and she came, opened it and then walked off into her kitchen without greeting us. I was friendly as normal and said hello and started chatting and she didn't reply to me or even say hello to DD. I went through to her kitchen and she was in there cleaning the worktops and doing other jobs. Eventually we went and sat through in her living room and she was really moody the whole time we were there. She didn't once speak to DD, and was snappy with me and giving me one word answers. I tried a few times to start talking and she was so rude and arsey. She also kept talking about other friends of hers and how great they are and how she's been to this with X and been to there with Y. She didn't seem to want to get into any conversation with me at all. She sat there on her phone most of the time, and then suddenly walked off and went and started clearing up in another room, leaving me sitting there. She also kept telling her DD 'yes when LostMyBiro has gone, we'll go round and see Jane next door'.

After about an hour of being there, her DD kept being spiteful to my DD and my friend just kept laughing, so I politely said that I had to go now as I had to go out this afternoon and had lots to do. I got DDs shoes on and left, but felt really tearful. I really wish I hadn't bothered going and had stayed home. The atmosphere could have been cut with a knife, she really didn't want me there! And yet she invited me. She's done it before to me, and I feel she's either really pally with me and acts like I'm a good friend, then suddenly without warning every few weeks she acts all moody towards me and makes out that she's having a great time with other friends and that she hates my company.

She also always forgets plans with me. It has got to the point now where I only meet up with her at her suggestion as she constantly forgot things, even though she seems to manage perfectly well to remember plans with others. And even when she suggests things she still forgets about them, or cancels at the last minute then gets irritated when I won't meet at another day/time of her choice. She also makes lots of barbed, abrupt comments disguised as compliments. DH says he thinks she is testing me out to see if I'll be her little lap dog and do as she says!

And one more thing; she told me a few weeks ago that DD is invited in a couple of weeks to the party of her friend's DD. I mentioned the party today and she was snappy and insisted that she hadn't said that to me and that unless I had had an invite then DD wasn't invited. I don't care whether or not DD is invited, but I feel she's gaslighting me a little...

AIBU to keep my distance? I have to be careful as our DDs will be at school together next year and my friend has lots of friends and acquaintances and I really don't want to have enemies at the school gates!

Yes, distance yourself, she sounds poisonous.

Be prepared for her to be horrible to you though, she sounds very difficult.

auntmargaret Wed 11-Sep-13 14:03:12

Distance yourself, she is not your friend.

HandMini Wed 11-Sep-13 14:05:31

Definitely distance yourself. She sounds like a complete happiness-sucker.

Plan a fun home based activity for you and DD (so you're not tempted to spend time with her because you're at a loose end) then when she next contacts you, say no, no need to give a reason, and do your own thing instead. Remind yourself how much more fun that is than hanging out with misery-chops.

She's nuts. Give her a wide berth.

fabergeegg Wed 11-Sep-13 14:07:01

I feel sorry for the woman but you can't be friends in circumstances like this. It's not fair or you or your daughter. Perhaps you could try and have a gentle chat first, just to see if she's possibly unaware of how obvious her bad moods are. But I can't see this being someone anyone could be vulnerable with.

LostMyBiroAgain Wed 11-Sep-13 14:08:08

Thanks all.

I feel like I'm back at school again. I never know where I stand with her. DH says he thinks she is the type of person who is just out for herself and will be friends each day with whoever is going to benefit her that day.

I think my problem is that I'm too nice; I become 'friends' with far too many people like her. I think most people realise straight away what people like her are like and give them a wide berth, but I end up being friendly with them and then getting shat on. Luckily I do have some lovely friends too though.

adagio Wed 11-Sep-13 14:08:13

IMO - Run for the hills. You don't need 'friends' like this in your life.

I would personally make (polite) excuses and avoid any 1:1 situations with her. Perhaps agree, if you want to still keep in touch, to meet at xyz toddler group on a day, so that if she turns up lovely, but if she doesn't it doesn't matter as you would be going anyway and there will be other people to see/talk to so you don't feel let down/stood up and you don't have to explain to your DD that a plan to go out has changed.

She sounds vile. YANBU.

LostMyBiroAgain Wed 11-Sep-13 14:09:05

When she's in these moods with me I always feel like I've done something wrong but never know what, and she doesn't seem to get like it with others.

Yorkieaddict Wed 11-Sep-13 14:10:39

Yes I would keep well away, she sounds horrible. If you do find yourself in that situation again I would ask her what is going on though. Something like "You seem upset, is everything OK?" Could it be that there is something else going on in her life that has upset her, and you are getting the brunt of it? Otherwise she is just a cow!

out2lunch Wed 11-Sep-13 14:11:21

i really wouldn't bother with her anymore tbh.i used to have a friend like this - its not my idea of friendship.

kotinka Wed 11-Sep-13 14:11:56

God yes, she sounds a total user, ditch her.

LostMyBiroAgain Wed 11-Sep-13 14:12:01

I asked her today Yorkie but she said nothing was wrong and she's just 'busy'. I think busy was code word for 'fuck off I want to see my other friend' LOL

DidoTheDodo Wed 11-Sep-13 14:13:07

She doesn't sound like a good friend (or any sort of friend) at all. Please feel no guilt in removing her from your life and spending time with those who deserve your loveliness!

LostMyBiroAgain Wed 11-Sep-13 14:13:15

The other thing that she does, I probably should have mentioned it in my first post, is tries to worm her way in with any other friends of mine and be utterly charming to them. She's a very loud person and, for example, at my DD's birthday party, every time I spoke to any of DD's friends mums this friend was there talking to them loudly, asking questions and completely excluding me from the conversation.

Yorkieaddict Wed 11-Sep-13 14:14:22

Definitely one to avoid then!

Lexiesinclair Wed 11-Sep-13 14:14:31

She sounds horrid. Definitely distance yourself from her, remain cool but polite and you won't need to make an enemy of her. I bet she has treated other people like that.

I don't understand why grown adults behave like this TBH.

LostMyBiroAgain Wed 11-Sep-13 14:14:50

And I'm probably being totally paranoid, but today when I was there she kept getting texts, snorting with laughter when she read them, then texting back. Felt like I was being bitched about....

StuntGirl Wed 11-Sep-13 14:15:47

Why would you even want to be friends with someone who has the social skills of a slug? Ditch her and don't look back.

crypes Wed 11-Sep-13 14:16:10

I think she's taking your friendship for granted and shes being totally disrespectful, back off and give her time to re-evaluate what your friendship means , she also seems to have some sort of control over things and that's probably why you are invited to her house on her terms on her territory. My Dsis used to do this to me, invite me round then immerse herself in other stuff but I noticed if she invited her friends she would be really attentive to them.

DidoTheDodo Wed 11-Sep-13 14:16:43

And after all this you felt the need to ask MN if YUBA to ditch her??
You know the right thing to do!

DidoTheDodo Wed 11-Sep-13 14:16:58

Or even YABU!

AndFanjoWasHisNameO Wed 11-Sep-13 14:17:09

hmm You've done nothing wrong! That's why you can't work out what it is. I'd twat her all over the place mentally go for the breezy refusals 'oh thanks but we're busy' do not do any hand wringing or begging to know what's up, sounds like she thrives on it. If she ever starts cleaning round you like that, just say 'oh sorry, I can see your house is absolutely minging-we 'll get out of your hair' wink
Now forget about the silly fool and go and ring a nice friend for a chat.

DidoTheDodo Wed 11-Sep-13 14:17:11

I sounded like Yoda there.

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