AIBU to ask for your SIL horror stories?

(81 Posts)
heftydumpling Wed 11-Sep-13 11:59:36

...just so I can have some company and a moan? Have n/c for this

My SIL is slowly turning into a nightmare. She is DH's sister, and the only girl of the extended family. She has one DD, aged 3, who is very much petted by all the family.

I used to get on well with SIL until DH and I announced our engagement almost 2 years ago. Since then her behaviour towards me has become increasingly strange. We got married in July and are not planning on TTC for another few years, however SIL is constantly making enquiries after the 'honeymoon baby' she seems to think we are trying for. This would be irritating enough, but the comments are made in quite an aggressive, sneering manner- it's hard to describe, and I don't think I am being over sensitive

She seems to 'fall out' with me constantly- yet i don't even know when it has happened! A few days ago we were all at PILs, and she was very off with me, and made lots of loud remarks about our wedding photos, which we have only just got back, 'when are we going to see these amazing photos then' etc. After she left, MIL informed me that SIL was very offended because she was not the first to see the photos confused

She also was offended that her DD was not asked to be a flower girl. Her DD is a bit of a handful, who had to be taken out during the ceremony as she was shouting as we were speaking our vows, and trying to run up to us at the altar.

I just think it's a shame she's such a PITA because the rest of the family are lovely. DH cousin thinks that SIL is very jealous of me, but I have no idea why? I've only tried to be nice to her- I have one brother and always wanted a sister, and had initially thought it would be lovely to be close to a SIL.

There has been other things too which I don't want to get into, as it would be recognisable to anyone reading, but it has got to the point where I do not enjoy being in the same company as her and I am fed up of her nasty comments.

The thing is, i think it will become ten times worse when we do have a baby

sarascompact Wed 11-Sep-13 12:07:33

I couldn't tell you what mine's like. She copped a strop after being told "No" and I haven't seen her since.

She was invited to visit on a Boxing Day. She accepted and then told us to put our cats outside on the day because she doesn't like them. I told her no, she got the hump, I told her not to bother coming. Problem solved.

quoteunquote Wed 11-Sep-13 12:09:53

It's all in her head, don't engage with her invented nonsense.

Or you will always get a starring role in all the dramas.

spritesoright Wed 11-Sep-13 12:10:21

It does sound like she's jealous. What does DH think of her behaviour? Or your MIL? Unfortunately I've found that direct family members are used to this kind of behaviour so they don't notice how obnoxious it is.
Or worse, they enable it.
I have had some similar issues where SIL was apparently 'annoyed' with me because I asked if she wanted to talk about her recent break up. In my family that's considered caring but in DH's family it's 'butting in'[sceptical].
I find it easiest to just ignore, ignore. It sounds like your MIL isn't helping though and next time maybe you could politely ask that SIL speaks to you herself. Or get DH to tell his mother to stop stirring.
Hope things improve.

GhostsInSnow Wed 11-Sep-13 12:11:59

I recently cut mine out, and feel a lot better for it. I could write an essay but this is the most recent.

She went through a phase late last year of posting racist crap on Facebook. You know the type of thing, the muslim in the supermarket nonsense. It seriously did mine and DH's head in and in the end DH asked her wtf she was doing given that FIL was being treated for cancer at the time by mostly muslim Doctors. I deleted her from FB and we didn't really see much of each other anyway as she lives some distance from me.

FIL became quite ill and to make life easier we did become FB friends again, it was just simpler to tell her how things had been that day via FB given that she seemingly couldn't be arsed to come home of a weekend and find out.

A few weeks ago I read a hilarious parody of the muslim in the supermarket that ended with the cashier saying 'now fuck off out of my imaginary supermarket!' It was so funny I shared it on my timeline. Next thing I know I'm deleted again and she calls my DH and tells him I've posted this on purpose to upset her. DH, who has zero balls whatsoever when it comes to his family instantly believes her and decides that yes, I've sat scheming for ways to piss off his sister.

To cut a long story short it erupted into a huge row, which his Mother wedged herself into as well, me telling DH to grow a pair and telling SIL to never speak to me nor contact me again.

I should have done it years ago TBH. One incident that stays in my mind was her yelling at me 'you'll never be part of this family!'. Well honey, if you are reading this, I never wanted to be part of 'your' family. You are a selfish, self centered bitch who I've 'tolerated' for 20 years for the sake of DH but life is far too short for your shit.

As for MIL, she's not called or texted me since. She will only ring the house when she knows DH is home. Hilarious really. She's 65 years old and acting like a child. Again, I don't give a shit and my life is a lot happier and simpler for me without them.

spritesoright Wed 11-Sep-13 12:12:43

Whoops, I meant hmm

Edendance Wed 11-Sep-13 12:13:32

My boyfriend's sister won't speak to me, at all... confused she got very cross at him when he left his ex girlfriend (as did his Mother who remains very close to his ex...) and despite the sister and me having mutual friends and so being at the same hen party and wedding recently, she blanks me. I made a real effort so I knew I had tried- even offered her a lift home as we live in the same city but had was declined.

She didn't respond to the invitation to her brother's birthday party- we heard from another guest who is a mutual friend that she wouldn't be able to make it and when she's been invited to anything else with us she's turned it down.

Last Christmas boyfriend's sister (and her bf) hosted a dinner a few days after Christmas for that side of the family (we spent Christmas Day with my family and bf Dad- his parents are divorced) and at no point was I actually invited. I worried my bf was over thinking the particulars of the invitation (by email) but when he arrived (he was running late but let them know) they had already sat down and started, his mum asked where i was but there was no place set for me at all so clearly a meaningless question.

It sucks, we've been together for about 20 months, living together for a year and have known each other for 6 years. She has not ever been to our house, though once sat in a car outside 'feeling ill' when their Dad wanted to see our house when he dropped my bf off. I've never been invited to anything from her. She refuses to acknowledge that there's a problem though, mutual friends just say 'she doesn't dislike you, she says she just doesn't know you' -massive cop out if you ask me!

Eugh! Sorry! Needed to let that out!

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Wed 11-Sep-13 12:18:08

My ex SiL threw a strop because her DD wasn't our bridesmaid.

However:
a) She hated me. No idea why. Couldn't stand me and made it very, very clear.
b) We had a small registry office 'do'. It wasn't a bridesmaid kind of thing. We only had 20 people there, including us.
c) SiL wasn't invited to the wedding. Everytime she saw me she either glared at me or blanked me completely.
d) Her daughter was in the care of SS at the time due being removed because of neglect (wildly dirty/messy house). She'd been in care about 7 months.

hmm

Extracting myself from that family was one of my best decisions.

My de facto SIL is now about 10312 miles from me. 'Tis glorious. She used to come over and openly sneer at our furniture, our food and the fact that we had books in the house. And her drama queen behaviour- she is proud of being a "drama llama" (how witty...) and always spent at least half of any family occasion having a meltdown about something unbelievably trivial. And she can't spell for toffee AND she watches Glee.

For all that, I quite like her, now I don't have to deal with her face-to-face on a regular basis.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Wed 11-Sep-13 12:21:49

..the fact that we had books in the house.

confused

Does she hang hers from trees in the garden?

MrsRajeshKoothrappali grin

She doesn't like books at all. Yes, she is a librarian.

newgirl Wed 11-Sep-13 12:23:53

hmm not sure - i don't think the mil was very tactful to even mention what your sil had said - who really knows if she represented her correctly.

And yes of course you don't have to invite your niece to be a flowergirl but it would have been nice. Yes 3 year olds tend to be a handful - they get better. I think you are making this worse in your head. Families are odd - perhaps lower your expectations of you being amazing friends and just do a secret eye roll instead when she annoys you else your family get togethers are going to get more uncomfortable

FrenchRuby Wed 11-Sep-13 12:27:06

Well, not sil so much but her partner. I've been called a fat cunt on Facebook, threatened to be beaten the shit out of if they ever saw me in the street, been ignored or thrown dirty looks at the very few family events where we are all there....why? Because I dared to ask them to stop smoking weed and paying loud music while my newborn Ds was in the house (we all lived with mil at the time).
This was apparently my fault, fine, I apologised, got told to fuck off then months later accused of 'not making the effort' to make things up.
Now when sil comes round (I'm still living with mil) I try to be polite and make conversation but I get ignored. Given up making the effort now so I just go to my room instead while she plays with the kids until she goes home.

heftydumpling Wed 11-Sep-13 12:31:43

God some of these are awful!

I have an 8year old DS from a previous relationship- his dad has never been involved, and DS and DH get on really, really well. SIL also seems very negative about their relationship- when DH moved in with me, SIL made lots of comments about how he was 'neglecting' his relationship with his niece, who was then around 6 months old. Apparently niece could 'sense' that DH's loyalties now lay with another child and it was upsetting her

It's just so strange. I mean, SIL was lovely to both DS and I, before DH moved in and we got engaged. It's like once she knew we were there to stay, she felt no need to keep up a front.

I've done a good job of not engaging with her so far, I think. I don't really want to say anything to DH as yet- he would definitely have a word with MIl and SIL if necessary, but he has always made a point of not involving himself with any family dramas and fallouts, and part of me wonders if SIL is targeting me as a way to involve DH, and bring him back under her 'control'.

I think I will have to keep smiling and ignoring, and detaching. However if it gets to the point where DS or future children are affected, I will ok course tell her to f*ck off.

ginslinger Wed 11-Sep-13 12:33:17

Fancy having BOOKS in your HOUSE! What a nasty, ill-mannered way to behave. grin

heftydumpling Wed 11-Sep-13 12:35:51

newgirl- it was a very small wedding, about 40 people, I didn't even have bridesmaids.

themaltesefalcon- My SIL does the same! Over food though, not books.I used to be vegetarian, and we still eat a lot of veggie/vegan food. SIL thinks this means we have ideas above our station and are 'showing off'

heftydumpling Wed 11-Sep-13 12:36:40

Though I think I would stop speaking to my SIL if she criticized my book collection grin

My SIL was looking after dd1 while we went to the early pregnancy clinic as I was having miscarriage.

When we got back to hers sat talking to her and MIL as it was DH and his dad birthday. SIL youngest child was playing nicely with dd when her older child started dragging dd around by her arm (dd1 was 18mth, older child was 10) I asked her to not drag dd about. When SIL started to lay into me stating I would never know what it was like to have 2 children bearing in mind above.

I just collected our stuff and ask dh to take us home, while MIL join in defending SIL.

Lucky for me DH is not close to his family and fully supported me. Now we only see them when DH can be bothered.

EldritchCleavage Wed 11-Sep-13 12:58:09

My SIL is very odd. Cannot sustain relationships at all, even with work colleagues. There are always massive fall-outs where she screams at people and acts abominably. Then wonders why she isn't forgiven. PIL enabled her massively (she is the golden child).

She always lorded it over DH (the scapegoat). Initially she was ok with me, but was the type to want to get me onside while she took the piss out of DH, and that didn't happen. The first time she met my family they could not believe how hard she kept trying to humiliate her brother. She crapped on him once too often, he dropped her. She told him she would make sure PIL never bothered with him again.

But for the fact I had a child and MIL was delighted to have a GC, that would have happened. We had one good year with PIL, when DH's relationship with them was the best it had ever been (though still not marvelous). Then MIL died, and FIL (always SIL's little sidekick) has dropped us. DH grieves, FIL drinks, SIL has re-written history in a way that is actually quite disturbing.

Be wary of your SIL: is there actually a good relationship to be had here? Because mine was not capable of having a functional relationship with me, however kind, forgiving and careful I was.

redexpat Wed 11-Sep-13 13:07:39

Mine's not nasty, just from a very different world to me and if I'm honest, just a bit thick and has married a very dull man who does not want to join in with any of her family's events, yet expects us to make the 2 hour journey to go to theirs. Other SIL has moved in with a man who is 24 going on 70.

Nellelephant Wed 11-Sep-13 13:08:15

I get along well with Sil as long as I bite my tongue and avoid getting involved in certain conversations. I have a talent for switching off :D

We were brought up very differently, my family didn't have much, she has been accustomed to getting her way and is ultimately a middle class princess. Polar opposites we are!

Fortunately I don't see her very often but I'm sure one day in the future I will no longer be able to bite my tongue and she is going to get the fright of her life!

enormouse Wed 11-Sep-13 13:12:39

DPs sister has gone out of her way to be unpleasant and condescending to me, well on the occasions she bothers to talk to me. She's 25 but is very spoilt and entitled.

I've been with DP over 3 years so that's 3 christmases I've had to endure with her. The first she bought me nothing, second she bought me a selection of nutty chocolates (I carry an epi pen for a nut and egg allergy) and the third I got nothing again. I can't wait for this year, no well thought out gifts from me, she's getting a voucher.
DP and I usually do the boxing day meal for the family but she has consistently refused to eat it as it was cooked by me. Apparently it was her family Christmas and I wasn't welcome and my DS takes attention away from her (he was 2 months old in the second year and 14 months the next year).

Oh and she made a oh so funny comment about me and DP only being undergrads (she has just finished an MA). Apparently, your opinion only counts if you've done a postgraduate degree.

My two youngest sils are twins in their early twenties and very immature (despite one being divorced with a child). The childless one is very aggressive and has physical fights with women who piss her off. She once came into the house proudly showing off a handful of hair she she ripped from a woman's scalp. Her sister has scars from being gouged by her nails. They got in an argument once when I was there, DS was in bed but DN (3 at the time) was sitting in between them. They launched themselves at each other and started slapping and hair pulling and I had to physically pull the little boy out from between them. If they were in the UK I'd call social services sad

bouncingbelle Thu 12-Sep-13 02:01:37

Last time i saw sil she attacked me in the street when she was drunk. Mil only found it about it over a year after the event - apparently sil has admitted to her she was out of order but it,s somehow MY fault for not refusing to be anywhere near her - even tho she has never apologised to me or dp in the 14 months since it happened!!!

Literally makes my blood boil!

pennefab Thu 12-Sep-13 02:34:50

I just laugh and sigh ...
SIL 1 - while going thru failed pgs and failed IVF treatments used to boast how she had a PhD in baby making. To. My. Face. Not once "how are you?" from her (hospitalized twice with major ab surgeries for ruptured ectopic pgs). 20 years on ... Still disappoints me that my brother never bothered to call her on it. But then, haven't seen of spoken to either in 10 yrs (they stopped responding to emails & phone calls, so I stopped).

SIL 2, no real negatives. Just no common ground. 20 yrs later and still very awkward conversations.

Life is too short. Surround yourself with those you love and love you back. Polite distance from the rest ...

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