to be a bit miffed at their ready acceptance of this new relationship?

(95 Posts)
Liltzero Wed 11-Sep-13 09:07:53

For many years 3 couples and their children holidayed each year in Scotland. This year's holiday was cancelled because my STBXH and one of the other wives decided that they were in love and started a relationship (awkward!).

So now 2 divorces are proceeding, homes have been divided and sold and 4 children are getting used to the idea that their Mums and Dads are separated.

I discover yesterday evening that STBXH and new girlfriend are planning another holiday in Scotland with their respective children. Fair enough - but what got me annoyed was that couple number 3 are joining them!

AIBU to think that couple no. 3s ready acceptance of this relationship is disrespectful of both me and the dumped husband? They know about the considerable distress the breakdown of our marriages has caused us.

MissStrawberry Fri 13-Sep-13 17:31:58

Point taken, pnc.

phantomnamechanger Fri 13-Sep-13 17:28:42

she did nothing wrong, no, but she may have other threads she would prefer they did not see, that's what I meant - or maybe she has namechanged because this thread would out her.

MissStrawberry Fri 13-Sep-13 17:26:18

phantomnamechanger -I doubt the OP cares if the cheaters see this. Why the hell shouldn't she seek support anyway she wants? She did nothing wrong.

phantomnamechanger Fri 13-Sep-13 17:25:08

I agree justmyview - if I was in couple 3 I would have invited the dumped spouses & kids to holiday with us and gone somewhere else, made sure they had time to themselves and help with the kids, maybe even helped out financially with the holiday costs.

justmyview Fri 13-Sep-13 17:17:52

I sometimes think that by trying so hard to be non-judgemental (usually a good thing), people like couple 3 condone a relationship which shouldn't have started

Maybe it would be good if people were a bit more judgemental / less accepting?

phantomnamechanger Fri 13-Sep-13 16:41:57

I really do not understand those saying life carries on as normal and it will be good for the kids to all see their friends and do familiar things. The kids may not like each others parents anymore! eg OWs kids may blame OPs DH for the break up, or vice versa. All the things they do and all the familiar places they go - memories of last years photos, but different because a major person not there. worrying about that parent home alone, knowing how devastated they are.

I taught 2 boys - one of their dads had shacked up with the others mum over the course of the holiday between Y7 and Y8. Boy one was left at home with his devastated mum, feeling boy 2 had replaced him in his fathers eyes - as his father was off playing happy families with boy 2. The 2 boys regularly tried to kill each other at school!

I could understand wanting to keep things the same for the kids if one parent had died and the remaining parent was taking the family to the same old places as some sort of comfort to be found in happy memories, but this is just odd. Also, the kids will wonder- were all the previous holidays as happy as they thought? how long had OW and OPDH been lusting after each other? was it all a façade.

Ezio Fri 13-Sep-13 07:06:51

Mimishimi, That would annoy the loved up fucks wouldnt it,

"We dont want you, but how dare you move on with each other"

Mimishimi Fri 13-Sep-13 02:49:42

I'd go too .... With the dumped husband grin

ADishBestEatenCold Fri 13-Sep-13 00:32:19

Where and when is their Scottish holiday taking place? Maybe some of us who live up here could sabotage it! grin

(just visualizing 20 other Other Women turning up to put the cat among the pigeons grin grin )

DadOnIce Wed 11-Sep-13 20:53:12

Maybe the children want to see each other, and enjoy spending time on holiday together... and, once the initial awkwardness has worn off, will actually be just as accepting of it as Couple #3 have been. Or not be especially bothered.

Xales Wed 11-Sep-13 20:47:32

Ouch that is going to be fun for a pair of loved up, 4 kids between them to look after. Like to see them conduct their love affair with that lot on a holiday.

It is harsh, unfortunately it is the third couples choice.

Book yourself a lovely relaxing treat and look like a million dollars when they come back haggard and knackered grin

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 11-Sep-13 20:44:51

Well, the two losers not invited and the four children who will really be missing them and feeling awkward as fuck about the new "family" being imposed upon them by parents who are acting like overgrown 13 year olds.

So that makes 6 losers out of ten people.

And that presumes that the other four really enjoy weird social situations.

waltzingmathilda Wed 11-Sep-13 20:20:15

One way to look at it is:

6 adults went on holiay and took their children - now 4 adults go on holiday and the same children are going .... the only losers are the two adults not invited.

waltzingmathilda Wed 11-Sep-13 20:19:09

One way to look at it is:

6 adults went on holiay and took their children - now 4 adults go on holiday and the same children are going .... the only losers are the two adults not invited.

waltzingmathilda Wed 11-Sep-13 20:17:37

One way to look at it is:

6 adults went on holiay and took their children - now 4 adults go on holiday and the same children are going .... the only losers are the two adults not invited.

Liltzero Wed 11-Sep-13 20:01:04

@Crowler I haven't seen the OW since February when I literally bumped into her in WHSmith in town! Being British we had a very British 'How do you do?' completely nonsensical brief conversation before going our different ways!

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 11-Sep-13 16:44:59

"Betrayal should be flagged up imo. You can do it in a way that states it as it is. It is preposterous to suggest that to say something is forcing the kids to take sides."

I agree.

Something really horrible has just happened in this family. The children will know that.

Their mother is entitled to talk about it honestly, and it is better for all of them that she does.

springydafty Wed 11-Sep-13 16:39:18

imo she absolutely should - say something, that is. Otherwise they'll go off thinking the agony they feel is, well, just part of life... because people fall out of love with mummys and daddys and find someone else to love. And that's fine. In fact, we can all pretend nothing has happened at all and we can all go off on holiday as if nothing has happened. Then of course there's the idea, firmly rooted in childhood, that, should they want to love someone else other than their spouse, they can do that because it's fine. Just one of those things, normal life.

imo, with kids the other end of the spectrum, they don't work it out for themselves. By the time they're old enough to work it out they're far too wrapped up in themselves to bother.

Betrayal should be flagged up imo. You can do it in a way that states it as it is. It is preposterous to suggest that to say something is forcing the kids to take sides. .

Weegiemum Wed 11-Sep-13 16:17:16

It will be grim for the kids.

My mum had an affair with my dads best friend. Everything we ever did was weird.

Weegiemum Wed 11-Sep-13 16:17:14

It will be grim for the kids.

My mum had an affair with my dads best friend. Everything we ever did was weird.

kiriwawa Wed 11-Sep-13 16:08:01

No springydafty - the OP should absolutely not do that. The kids will figure it out (and the older ones probably already have the gist) but it's not fair to ask them to take sides.

OP - I think you're being really dignified and handling it really well. A very very similar situation happened to a friend of mine and what has boiled my piss since is that her ex acts as if he's the injured party.

squoosh Wed 11-Sep-13 16:05:23

Also OP, often in these situations one person in the pre-existing couple is more keen to remain friends with the 'new' couple than the other person, awkwardness may await everyone in Scotland.

springydafty Wed 11-Sep-13 16:01:31

<pokes nose in further>

I think you should - make it at least a little bit clear that daddy running off with mummy's friend is shit.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Wed 11-Sep-13 16:00:49

YANBU how fucking weird will that be for the kids involved?!

GibberTheMonkey Wed 11-Sep-13 16:00:45

What's even weirder is they've gone to the same place. Why not go to Cornwall or something so it feels like something different not just a holiday with people missing and the wrong people in bed together.

Op I really feel for you and your posts show you in a good light

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