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14 year old son wants to walk home (10 mins) in dark on his own

(46 Posts)
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr Tue 10-Sep-13 17:29:08

More of a wwyd. My son has a club tonight that finishes at 8.30. (he has just turned 14) and wants to walk home on his own. He said he would text when leaving. He is usually very sensible for a 14 year old

I am not comfortable with this, but tbh I suffer with terrible anxiety anyway, and I know this is my issue and do not want to ruin ds by wrapping him in cotton wool and suffocating him.

DH seems to think that if he texts when on way it should be ok and more inclined to let him do it as half the walk will be with a friend.

Anxiety has kicked in and not thinking straight so would appreciate advice and comments.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr Wed 11-Sep-13 09:07:36

Yes it was all fine smile

I said I would meet him halfway, but as I was walking I got a text saying going to be 5 mins late, so by the time he text to say he had left I was pretty much there. So glad I did it as on the park was 5 aside football and they had all the lights on so ds would not be anywhere in the dark.

All his friends went off in the other direction so he said if I fancy meeting him next week he wont mind. Was nice having the chat about how it went etc.

livinginwonderland Wed 11-Sep-13 07:41:34

He'll be fine. I think you need to let him walk it - it'll be getting dark at 3.30-4pm soon and he'll have to do a lot more in the dark (walking home from school, for eg.) that you'll need to get comfortable with.

Get him to text you when he leaves and if he's with a friend, I'm sure he'll be okay, especially as it's a club finishing at 8.30 - so there'll be quite a few of them going in the same general direction.

lljkk Wed 11-Sep-13 07:23:30

Oh well, I wouldn't like my 14yo DD going across park alone at that time in the dark, but I can imagine letting DS do it. So shoot me. Maybe if she is at least 5'6" and built like a brick house like DS is already at 13. We shall see.

DD will do similar after getting off the bus in December after 3:30pm, she'll only be 12. DS had to do it last year in the dark from the train (age 13).

We are thinking to allow DD to cycle in the dark to & from swimming pool around 5-6pm. I'm not ready for her to run back from Guides alone yet (5 minute run at 9pm).
Very safe area for us, I just don't like park element, either. Really depends on your neighbourhood.

Monty27 Wed 11-Sep-13 00:55:48

It depends on how threatening the locality is. I suffer from anxiety. I've stood at our side of the park entrance waiting for him in the past.

Ds would insist he's safe, and I had to accept that eventually. Telling him he's got to have eyes in the back of his head, blah blah. They have to live their lives sometimes you know? As worrying as it is. Ds is 17, nearly 18 now. Nothing has gone wrong walking over the park at night. They do need to be aware though and here, street wise.

(sarf London here).

Weegiemum Wed 11-Sep-13 00:47:57

My dd1 is 13 and gets the bus to/from guides no bother, even though we live on the edge of a distinctly neddy part of Glasgow.

But then she's been getting the bus (actually 2 buses, with a city centre change) to school for over a year. My dad goes a bit nuts thinking about his granddaughter negotiating the wilds of the big city. She just wishes her school bus pass was valid at the weekend!

Just about to start taking ds to Scouts (he's 11, in P7) on the bus, hoping he will do it himself soon, dh will pick him up on his way home from work (dd1 won't allow this!!)

Famzilla Wed 11-Sep-13 00:40:11

At 14 I was walking the hours journey from the train station to my tiny country village in the dark. No streetlights or even pavements for 70% of the journey. I used to get the rage when cars didn't dip their headlights and blinded me for a good 30 seconds.

Then again, my mother was a complete narcissist.

You sound like a lovely caring mum OP but I think he'll be just fine.

ghostspirit Tue 10-Sep-13 23:02:26

my daughter is 16 although a young 16. and im still asking her to be in as 9pm. i worry so much. but i also know i have to let her into the big world. she has not really questioned it. But she is at college now so will probably be asking soon.

in your situation op its the park that is most worrying but then as others have said if the youth club is in the park then others will be walking as well.

ghostspirit Tue 10-Sep-13 22:55:09

i would not want my teenager to walk through a park area in the dark. i would not do it as an adult.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 10-Sep-13 22:00:29

I would worry if you lived in central London or in a very rough area OP....boys are more at risk than girls statistically due to fighting etc...but otherwise, he'll be just fine.

intitgrand Tue 10-Sep-13 21:49:55

Nope not on his own through a park in the dark.It doesn't matter how sensible he is if he is mugged

littlemisswise Tue 10-Sep-13 21:38:35

He'll be fine.

These things are nerve racking at first for us parents, just like everything. But we have to allow them to do it in order for them to become aware of their surroundings and responsible.

It won't be long before he'll want to be going to the fair at night with his friends, or to watch a film etc. It seems like a blink of an eye ago that DS1(18) was 14 and coming in at 8:30, now he goes out at 9pm and comes in at 4:00am (only once or twice a month).

specialsubject Tue 10-Sep-13 21:28:52

earphones OUT.
phone IN POCKET.
torch ON.

gender irrelevant. Dodginess of area to be considered.

jamdonut Tue 10-Sep-13 21:26:44

For a 14 year old boy that seems fine...except going through a park! I would be anxious about that. If he could walk with someone else it would be better.

Even at 16 I won't let my daughter walk home in the dark from anywhere, unless she has someone to walk with.

Was all OK in the end?

runningonwillpower Tue 10-Sep-13 18:27:33

Oops sorry, missed grrrrrrrrrr's latest post.

Floggingmolly Tue 10-Sep-13 18:26:21

If the club is in the middle of the park, there'll be others leaving at the same time that he could walk with, presume?
I wouldn't like him doing that bit alone.

runningonwillpower Tue 10-Sep-13 18:25:22

Ease yourself in gradually.

He texts when he leaves, you set out to meet him,

That way, you meet him for the dark park bit and walk home with him.

If that works out fine after a few walks, you can ease back gradually.

His worry is probably about looking like a wimp in front of his friends - the boy who can't walk home alone.

nemno Tue 10-Sep-13 18:22:13

It sounds as though the park leg will be with the friend? He sounds like a sensible boy so I wouldn't have a problem with this.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr Tue 10-Sep-13 18:16:52

The club is in the middle of the park, no way round it. We had a quick chat and he said that as its his first walk home I will meet him halfway and if he was fine next week he can do it by himself.

hmsvictoria Tue 10-Sep-13 18:09:12

Can he walk around the park?

Other than that, a 10-minute walk at 8.30pm for a 14 year old is perfectly normal and fine. You have to let them out on their own in the dark eventually.

ashleysilver Tue 10-Sep-13 18:07:00

Yes my dd does a similar walk home from her youth club and is also 14. They are not too young imo.

Wonderstuff Tue 10-Sep-13 18:01:10

I agree with others I'd be worried about me walking through an unlit park after dark. The ten minute walk in the dark bit sounds fine until you introduce an unlit park

A park? Wouldn't be so keen on that...

I try and get my 12 ds to go to the shop for me in the dark but he won't! Your ds sounds like a good, sensible boy.

phantomnamechanger Tue 10-Sep-13 18:00:15

another reason he should not walk while on the phone is cos phones are an easy target for thieves. And tell him NOT to walk along listening to headphones - high rates of accidents because you do not hear cars coming

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Tue 10-Sep-13 17:57:36

He is old enough, but I wouldn't be happy about the park. Can he not walk a longer way on the streets rather than go thru park? It is only 8.30 though which is not at all late

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