To be upset for DS

(61 Posts)
impatienttobemummy Tue 10-Sep-13 08:43:52

DS is 23 months. Picked him up from nursery to be told he'd had an off day. From one look I could clearly see he wasn't well start of a cold. One of the nursery staff said he hadn't been himself all day not really laughing or wanting to join in.
Then she told me that at lunch and dinner time he refused to say thank you and instead cried his eyes out when they asked him to. So a colleague of the nursery nurse I was speaking to refused to let DS have dessert by taking it away from him replacing it with fruit which he didn't eat as was upset.
AIBU to think he's 1 a bit young for this dicipline and I'd have made allowances considering he was feeling poorly.
We have had some issues with tantrums at home which I've told nursery about. The colleague apparently said tell mum we have seen 'the real DS today'?!
I'm worried about him being there now!
Btw I'm pregnant so bit hormonal so am looking for rational advice! Thanks

BuntyPenfold Tue 10-Sep-13 09:47:31

I would be complaining in the strongest terms.

Removing food as a punishment? Atrocious.

The staff concerned need disciplining and training.

pigletmania Tue 10-Sep-13 09:49:29

Yanbu at all he is only a little baby and not a well one at that. I would speak to the manager, this is not on. Well tey would get out of ds 19 months is doo doo doo (he is not speaking as yet)

whogrewoutoftheterribletwos Tue 10-Sep-13 09:54:39

The 'you've seen the real xxx' comment is worrying. You know your own child. If tantrums are out of character and a recent development, coupled with this incident, I would suggest this nursery is not providing your child with a happy, settled environment. He's clearly not happy. Have you though about changing childcare providers?

TeWiSavesTheDay Tue 10-Sep-13 09:57:09

I'd be pretty livid too.

Under 2.5ish there is a huge variety of verbal skills so way too much to expect under 2s to say anything at all on demand, though obviously you would encourage them as much as possible.
Food should never be removed as a punishment.
Fruit should never be a punishment.

pianodoodle Tue 10-Sep-13 10:14:18

Agree about the verbal skills too - DD has a mix of friends the same age ranging from some who speak in sentences that we can all understand, some that still seem to speak their own language and some that stick to two word phrases!

pigletmania Tue 10-Sep-13 10:19:07

Exactly piano, ds is very bright, his understanding is fantastic and he knows how to open door, climb satires, open pots and creams and turn over reading books, and is a lovely chilled sociable little boy but his verbal ability has not caught up yet!

TeWiSavesTheDay Tue 10-Sep-13 10:25:22

My DS is the same piglet, 20mths.

He has a few words, but not very clear ones - there is no speech delay he's totally in the range of normal for his age. My DD was the same but also never spoke at all outside of our home until she was closer to 3, people waving biscuits in her face and demanding she say ta just upset her. She is 4.5 now and her speech (and manners!) are excellent.

pigletmania Tue 10-Sep-13 10:34:16

Tewis it's funny my dd 6 has ASD and dev delay and knew the right amount of words she should at 18 months, said please and thank you, but her understanding was just not there, and socially she had difficulties. My ds is te opposite. He was late to walk, 17 monts but suddenly just did it, I think that speech will follow.

Te nursery staff in the op are just unprofessional, ans should not use food as reward or punishment. Even they told op he was out of sorts, so wats all this please and thank you nonsense from a not well toddler hmm

spanky2 Tue 10-Sep-13 10:35:20

Ds2 didn't learn to speak until he was over 2 so I think it is unreasonable to take his pudding away ill or not. I also think they were wrong to put fruit as the punishment pudding. Fruit is not a punishment, well I personally do not enjoy fruit, but punishment pudding...

Gratuitous Tue 10-Sep-13 10:38:32

I would be livid actually, fucked up approach to food, to toddlers and parents all at once. 'The real ds'? Hmmm think they might see the 'real me' during my chat with the manager.

diddl Tue 10-Sep-13 10:38:58

"The colleague apparently said tell mum we have seen 'the real DS today'?! "

That is just awful.

I'm a little bit on the fence as they know he can say thank you, & no one needs a pudding.

But he's only young & obviously out of sorts, so it seems to me that cuddles all the way is all that's appropriate.

"the real ds" when child is clearly poorly?? That is awful.

memder Tue 10-Sep-13 10:42:58

Awful awful awful! YANBU.

pigletmania Tue 10-Sep-13 10:43:44

Of course I teach my Chidren manners, and myself try to demonstrate by example, but punishing a unwell toddler like that is not on!

pigletmania Tue 10-Sep-13 10:45:03

Their approach is just horrid

5madthings Tue 10-Sep-13 10:47:13

Yanbu food shouldn't be used as a punishment and he was clearly not feeling well. Yes manners are important but at that age the key thing is to model them to the child, not insist on it being said, they can't all talk at that age anyway!

Very mean to upset him when he was clearly not feeling well. They recognised he was out if sorts but did nothing to make allowances for him sad

TrueStory Tue 10-Sep-13 10:48:41

Gosh that all sounds pretty nasty, blimey, they're nursery nurses! I would be very upset. Saying about "seeing the real" DS is totally appalling.

As to what you can do now, I don't know, I have no advice there. I would be very unhappy about it though.

p.s. getting a cold can make even rational adults, under-the-weather and emotional.

valiumredhead Tue 10-Sep-13 10:49:17

Oh no, just awful for all the reasons mentioned abovesad

impatienttobemummy Tue 10-Sep-13 13:02:28

Thank you for your replies I am going to write some of your points down so I don't get lost in the heat of the moment, I'm going to call and make an appointment to
Meet the manager as I don't want to be interrupted. Being pregnant I feel like I don't trust my own judgement at the moment so it helps to know I'm not BU.
thanks again

tunnocksteacake Tue 10-Sep-13 13:05:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pixieonthemoor Tue 10-Sep-13 13:52:31

Good on you for making an appointment and good luck with getting your points across. Writing the points down is a good idea of yours. I think it sounds awful - removing pudding for a punishment of fruit sends totally the wrong message. And as for the nastily facetious remark about seeing "the real" ds.......he was an under-the-weather 2yr old fgs.

thebody Tue 10-Sep-13 14:14:41

when I was a cm I wouldn't have dreamed of talking about a mindee like this. I would know if a mindee was poorly and I never used food as any type of punishment.

no no no. really unprofessional I think.

impatienttobemummy Wed 11-Sep-13 13:49:01

Spoke with the owner today she was very apologetic and frankly horrified. Thanks for all of your advice. She is dealing with the staff member and having a team meeting to raise these issues to ensure this never happens again. Feeling better!

Panzee Wed 11-Sep-13 13:51:47

Great news. Hope your son is feeling better today.

Nancy66 Wed 11-Sep-13 13:52:14

The staff sound horrible. I'd be very worried frankly.

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