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To be upset for DS

(61 Posts)
impatienttobemummy Tue 10-Sep-13 08:43:52

DS is 23 months. Picked him up from nursery to be told he'd had an off day. From one look I could clearly see he wasn't well start of a cold. One of the nursery staff said he hadn't been himself all day not really laughing or wanting to join in.
Then she told me that at lunch and dinner time he refused to say thank you and instead cried his eyes out when they asked him to. So a colleague of the nursery nurse I was speaking to refused to let DS have dessert by taking it away from him replacing it with fruit which he didn't eat as was upset.
AIBU to think he's 1 a bit young for this dicipline and I'd have made allowances considering he was feeling poorly.
We have had some issues with tantrums at home which I've told nursery about. The colleague apparently said tell mum we have seen 'the real DS today'?!
I'm worried about him being there now!
Btw I'm pregnant so bit hormonal so am looking for rational advice! Thanks

PeacockPlumage Tue 10-Sep-13 08:46:12

Poor thing, and poor you. Have you had concerns before? Is the nursery manager approachable?

Forgetfulmog Tue 10-Sep-13 08:47:13

My dd isn't yet 1 so I don't have your experiences but I've already started disciplining her (not punishing obviously) but letting her know that certain behaviour is unacceptable. Sorry but I think YABU

impatienttobemummy Tue 10-Sep-13 08:47:16

About this member of staff yes. She is the assistant manager, the owner is approachable, do you think it was a bit heavy handed?

impatienttobemummy Tue 10-Sep-13 08:49:14

Thanks forgetful, I worried I am bu as I also do dicipline but its the fact they did it dispite him clearly not being himself... He always says thankyou usually

Silverfoxballs Tue 10-Sep-13 08:49:53

I have always been quite a strict parent but that would upset me as well.

Platinumstart Tue 10-Sep-13 08:51:08

Do I think it is heavy handed to punish an obviously distressed and poorly one year old by removing food? Bloody right I do!

I would be furious in your position and very concerned that when it became apparent that he was unwell that they didn't call you to collect him.

Forgetfulmog Tue 10-Sep-13 08:51:31

Sorry, skim read & missed the bit about him not being himself. Was he poorly then? If so then YANBU & allowances should have been made. Apologies for that

Mama1980 Tue 10-Sep-13 08:52:59

I would be furious in your position.

impatienttobemummy Tue 10-Sep-13 08:57:15

Thank you, I was a bit shocked at the time, then last night it really played on my mind. The message relayed to be about 'the real DS' worried me as I told them about tantrums to be helpful not so that it would be used against him. Ill speak to the owner

Fairyegg Tue 10-Sep-13 08:57:27

I would mainly be annoyed that they are using fruit as a punishment. Fruit should be encouraged to viewed as a treat IMO. I would certainly bring it up with the nursery.

cashmiriana Tue 10-Sep-13 09:05:07

It's very bad practice to use food as either punishment or reward in a childcare setting. I would be complaining about this.

Cuddlydragon Tue 10-Sep-13 09:09:51

YANBU. I would be upset for my DS being punished for feeling below par. I'd have a word tbh.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Tue 10-Sep-13 09:11:16

YANBU. I'd be upset about the seeing the real DS comment. And I agree that fruit should not be used as a punishment, you want them to be encouraged to eat it! I'd be speaking to them.

Noteveryday Tue 10-Sep-13 09:15:07

Hmm I would expect my 2 year old to say thank you - but I would have handled it in a softer way e.g. when he cried, cuddling him then still making him say thank you or do the sign for thank you or say please can I have my dessert? Rather than swopping it. YY to bad practice using food as punishment.

Noteveryday Tue 10-Sep-13 09:16:32

The seeing the 'real DS' comment - most children are extra well behaved when they start a new setting then, after settling in, relax in to their usual behaviours (e.g bit of boundary testing) so this may not be as bad as it sounds.

Onebuddhaisnotenough Tue 10-Sep-13 09:19:56

Yanbu for all the reasons already mentioned.

BigW Tue 10-Sep-13 09:23:42

If anything, I am quite strict. But I would have been cross. If a child is poorly, they should be looked after. Also, I don't think withholding food is an appropriate or effective form of punishment.

Fairylea Tue 10-Sep-13 09:25:57

I would be furious.

They should have realised he was unwell and made extra efforts to comfort him, not upset him further.

Nanny0gg England Tue 10-Sep-13 09:31:15

Much as I like good manners, I would not expect an under-two to always say their Pleases and Thank-yous, even though it should be encouraged.

And withholding food as a 'punishment' is not on. I'd also ask to have a look at the nursery's discipline policy. They sound more than a little heavy-handed to me, irrespective of whether or not your DC was 100%.

wonderingsoul Tue 10-Sep-13 09:32:59

sorry but am i the only one who wouldnt punish a 1 year old for not saying thank you?

and to take his dessert away is plain nasty tbf.

tiggytape Tue 10-Sep-13 09:36:27

YANBU and I think you should speak to the manager as this is actually quite serious and should be viewed as such.

It is not appropriate in any setting to use food (or withdrawal of food) for discipline.

Quite apart from making allowances for the fact he was ill, taking away food as a punishment goes against best practice in caring for any child and is absolutely not allowed in a nursery or school setting even with much older children let alone babies.

mercibucket Tue 10-Sep-13 09:39:34

fruit as a punishment!!!

pianodoodle Tue 10-Sep-13 09:45:40

DD is 26 months and does say please and thank you but if she's having a poorly day and crying because of it I'm not going to sit there and say "say thank you" over and over as it would wind her up even more.

I think you need to weigh up situations without being so rigid - sometimes it just isn't worth a battle if there's something more pressing and if the child is pre-occupied and feeling out of sorts it isn't the right time to have a whole barney because they didn't say thank you sad

At this age anyway - i'd be peeved too.

zoobaby Tue 10-Sep-13 09:46:05

Agree with all the comments about using food as a punishment. Fruit is for enjoyment you mean ol' wench. Also, do they get a dessert every day? What's with that?

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