To give dd2's present to dd1?

(176 Posts)
JessicaWakefield1 Mon 09-Sep-13 22:01:35

Dd2 is 2months old, along with being given numerous new clothes from well meaning friends and family she also has her older sister's hand me downs.
Dd1 is in desperate need of new autumn/winter type clothes. DH's aunty gave dd2 £100 in Next vouchers when she was born wibu to buy dd1 clothes with dd2's vouchers? It would help a lot tbh as we are struggling due to me being on maternity leave so couldn't really afford to use the vouchers on dd1 and just put the same value away for dd2.
We also need new bedding and some nice Next bed sheets would be lovely but that feels very wrong.

nocoolusernameY0 Wed 11-Sep-13 11:15:52

I honestly don't think that a person giving to one of your children would begrudge it being spent on an another one of them, if the named recipient didn't need anything and the other one did. I've spent money meant for one on another when I've been struggling loads of times. I wouldn't buy the Next bedsheets though, that's pushing it!

My dad always gives the kids money. When he was giving my 5 week old 6 quid for 'ice-cream', I don't think I was off the mark buying my 3 year old spag bol in Morrisons cafe with it. At least I hope not... he's probably been telling all the SIN's that I give my baby's ice-cream, the bloody menace grin

MissManaged Wed 11-Sep-13 11:01:45

I think there is now some blurring of discussion between the OP, and subsequent posts about different use of larger sums of money which were not specifically designated.

Either way, views differ.
Which is fine.
So, I'm done
smile

Floggingmolly Wed 11-Sep-13 10:55:42

she may have need of it for uni or a car later
That's true, actually.
So if op was so frivolous as to spend it on baby clothes as the aunt apparently dictated; she will one day be forced to stand before her dd with her head bowed in shame and explain why there's £100 missing from the uni fund sad
Where will the money for therapy come from? Let's hope the baby gets lots of vouchers for Christmas, op could use that...

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly Wed 11-Sep-13 10:32:28

He wasn't really involved in the decision. I decided, and told him, and he was more than happy to share. However, I would have done it anyway, so that doesn't really matter.
I knew he would though, he's a lovely boy with a better sense of kindness and generosity than many of the grown adults on this thread.

Eastpoint Wed 11-Sep-13 07:55:07

Spend the vouchers. Sometimes they go out of date or the company goes bust & they end up valueless. Anyone remember Jessops or HMV (until they reopened)?

MissManaged Wed 11-Sep-13 07:54:54

Those arguments don't really hold water, listen

It would certainly be absurd to write letters years down the line, but very sensible to write a thank you at the time which tells the person that the money is being saved for the child.
The seven year old is making a clear personal choice, if she wants to buy clothes with her birthday money.
As for the ski's - I actually think that example offers a perfect learning opportunity about budgeting and personal expenditure: as a family we can't afford the ski trip, but if you are happy to spend your own money on buying the ski's then we can do it. Your money, your choice.

Of course the OP should do what she feels is right for her family. She is hardly going to use the thoughts of strangers on the internet to decide on something she thinks is wrong for them. I said (yesterday!) that there are obviously clear differences, and the OP will know which side of the fence sits comfortably with her conscience.
Paying household bills with hundreds of pounds gifted to my child for birth/baptism just wouldn't sit well with mine.
Each to their own.

Listentomum Wed 11-Sep-13 00:26:49

Exactly that brdgrl I find the whole argument against the OP absurd. I could write aunty x a thank you letter and let her know that her £20 really benefited dd 7 years later in buying her first football kit or to cousin A to let them know that 10 years layer their £50 made sure dd had a full 2 1/2 months fees at sea cadets or 20 years later to say to my sister hey thanks that £100 pounds went towards dds first car. Most people aren't in that position to set all monetary gifts aside for specifics like that.

Or it could be argued that dd at 7 shouldn't have to put her birthday money towards buying clothes even though that's what she wants or towards buying skis for the y11 school trip because that's within what a parent should ordinarily be providing.

Do what's right for you s d your family.

brdgrl Wed 11-Sep-13 00:04:22

listenmum, I think you did absolutely the right thing. Money given to a baby, unless clearly designated for a particular thing, is for the parents to spend on the child's needs. A child needs a home and heat and all of those things.
If someone wants to make sure a gift of money is not touched until the child comes of age and can have it for university or a car or whatnot - there are easy ways to do this. Or they can give vouchers.
If I gave a monetary gift to a new baby, and then went around to the house and saw that there was no milk (for mum) in the fridge, or no heat, I'd be gutted to know that my gift had been put aside for a future dance class or god forbid, a car.

Listentomum Tue 10-Sep-13 23:55:47

grin marz

Dominodonkey Tue 10-Sep-13 23:55:22

Mary

You are being disingenuous and you know it.

Child benefit is not a present for a child. It is for the wide ranging costs incurred in raising a child.

And your parents were redressing an unfairness perpetuated by your grandfather - not spending it on themselves.

Maryz Tue 10-Sep-13 23:52:28

Well, actually, in my family it was done to teenagers.

My grandfather (who was at times a pretty horrible man), gave £20 for Christmas to my older brother, £10 to my younger brother and a fiver to me. Every year. Same if he came to visit.

My mum took the lot, divided it in three (and usually added a fiver) and we got the same.

I don't think that was theft, it was fairness.

I don't keep a record of what Child Benefit I use for each child either. Obviously I would love to live in a world where I could bank it for each child, but I don't. So some months I might buy rugby boots for ds2 out of it, another month it might be a school trip for dd.

Maybe I should have kept a record over the years shock. I might have "stolen" from one or other of them.

Listentomum Tue 10-Sep-13 23:51:16

Of course but all those things are and still provided for just not placed in a separate pot from xy and z.

MissManaged Tue 10-Sep-13 23:42:03

It is all pretty relative when it comes to babies

For me, its actually all pretty clear cut.

I think this thread has proven how much we all differ.

Dominodonkey Tue 10-Sep-13 23:41:32

No but surely common decency would suggest that the money was for the child even if it was for a cot,pram etc not for council tax etc.
You would have had to live in the house whether your child had arrived or not.

Listentomum Tue 10-Sep-13 23:34:16

Well mismanaged that depends on what you would describe all the things a parent would usually pay for.

Obviously that depends on the choice of that particular family. No rules state that birth baptism or birthday gifted should be ring fenced for anything in particular.

You may chose to set this aside for cars Uni etc. someone else may decide to buy the swinging chair and others may decide to pool the resources to buy another family member a well needed coat or ensure the bills are paid and the child is clothed fed and has a few treats and still work hard to provide a car or food parcels for Uni themselves.

It is all pretty relative when it comes to babies.

BrianTheMole Tue 10-Sep-13 23:32:21

Do what you need to do op. If your dc1 needs clothes and dc2 doesn't, then use the vouchers to get dc1 clothes. Its a no brainer really. If I gave someone vouchers that they chose to use for a different purpose because they needed to, then that would be fine, I'm amazed people think it wouldn't be.

Dominodonkey Tue 10-Sep-13 23:29:02

YY Miss Manage - was just trying to phrase that exact point.

MissManaged Tue 10-Sep-13 23:27:08

So, 'repaid' as in: she received all the things that parents would normally pay for?

Or did she get a car/travel/other 'item' that she knew was from her christening gifts?

Onebuddhaisnotenough Tue 10-Sep-13 23:26:23

Spend the money on the clothes that DD needs, and that DD 2 will need one day too. Mine love the seasonal 'bringing down the hand me downs box' from the loft and take great delight in sorting through DD1s old clothes and recognising things from photos.

Listentomum Tue 10-Sep-13 23:22:07

Well of course it was repaid probably a good few thousand times over, I just didnt put in its own separate little pot.

MissManaged Tue 10-Sep-13 23:20:55

listen
How had you planned to provide for your daughter, if people had not been so generous in giving gifts to her?

Did you tell people that you spent the money on your electric bill? or council tax?

A bit stunned, tbh.

Listentomum Tue 10-Sep-13 23:18:17

And of course along the way I bought plenty of special little treats outfits and cuddly toys, I just didnt say to the baby cooing away oh and that was was from aunty X's £20. Sometimes recourses in a family need to be pooled in order to make ends meet.

Dominodonkey Tue 10-Sep-13 23:14:10

listen

I totally understand that she didn't need the money then but you state you have no intention of paying the money back. Surely she will have need of it for uni or a car or whatever in the future.

How were you planning on paying for household bills if you hadn't had a child?

Listentomum Tue 10-Sep-13 23:11:51

I did not take it it was used to provide for my dd. I just didnt save it or use it to buy unnecessarily for a new born child it was used for the essentials she needed to thrive.

Dominodonkey Tue 10-Sep-13 23:09:32

Listen

"I used all my dds monetary gifts from birth and baptism which amounted to a good few hundred pounds to meet bills and the cost of living and essentials for the household and did not repay this"

I find that incredible - did you tell all of the people who gave money to your child at the christening that you were going to take it all?

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