To give dd2's present to dd1?

(176 Posts)
JessicaWakefield1 Mon 09-Sep-13 22:01:35

Dd2 is 2months old, along with being given numerous new clothes from well meaning friends and family she also has her older sister's hand me downs.
Dd1 is in desperate need of new autumn/winter type clothes. DH's aunty gave dd2 £100 in Next vouchers when she was born wibu to buy dd1 clothes with dd2's vouchers? It would help a lot tbh as we are struggling due to me being on maternity leave so couldn't really afford to use the vouchers on dd1 and just put the same value away for dd2.
We also need new bedding and some nice Next bed sheets would be lovely but that feels very wrong.

PeacockPlumage Mon 09-Sep-13 22:49:32

I often do this as all dd1's stuff ends up as dd2's in the end anyway. Think no more about it.

Floggingmolly Mon 09-Sep-13 22:51:56

I'd actually buy the bedding too, in your position. If your kids have enough clothes to wear, and are not actually going out in the street wrapped in brown paper to keep warm, I'm sure your aunt wouldn't bat an eyelid at your spending the cash where it's most needed.
I know I wouldn't.

MissMuesli Mon 09-Sep-13 22:56:12

I'd get 1/2 outfits for your youngest daughter and the spend the rest on eldest. I wouldn't buy bedding (can get a duvet for £10 from Argos). Send a little thank you note along with a pic of youngest DD wearing an outfit.

JessicaWakefield1 Mon 09-Sep-13 23:03:53

5madthings - she does indeed co sleep, a defence could therefore be made for nice bedding, I like your thinking wink

In all seriousness I will probably buy dd2 a nice outfit or extra pretty babygrow and use the rest on dd1 - as some of you have said it'll be passed to dd2 in the end anyway.

Personally I wouldn't, especially not with bedcovers for yourself. Go to ASDA and get a set for £20. The voucher was given to benefit dd2 and as a parent of a "second" baby (ie my first but DPs second), I still want him to get new things of his own rather than living in hand me downs, which tbf isn't the same as getting new clothes of your own. Especially because everything else (crib, cot, car seat, a lot of clothes) were passed on from DSS cause DP had already done the PFB thing. DS was given a little life backpack by one of my uni friends which I've had to tell DP isn't being used on DSS purely because it wasn't a gift for him. Fair enough if DD1 needs a coat, but I'd definitely get DD2 nice things that are just hers, in various sizes to last her even a couple of years so that she's always got something "nice" and new (not just new to her) to put with her other clothes. I know she won't know any difference, but if I had given you the voucher or was in your situation I'd feel better about that.

MairzyDoats Mon 09-Sep-13 23:10:38

Agree with everyone above saying it's fine to use the vouchers on dd1, but just wanted to add PLEASE don't feel bad that dd2 doesn't have all new everything - she knows no different, she's loved and cared for, babies grow out of clothes and equipment so fast and I hate this trend that says a baby needs all new stuff. It's just wrong.

namechangesforthehardstuff Mon 09-Sep-13 23:11:56

I don't think dd2 is going to notice tbh...

jessieagain Mon 09-Sep-13 23:13:20

I'm not sure about this.

I feel a little sorry for subsequent children getting the oldest child's handmedowns (and I'm not against second hand, my ds wears lots of secondhand).

I think you should use the vouchers now BUT I think you should put asidethe same amount of money in cash for your dd2 to get some new 'fresh to the family' clothes in the future.

I sometimes think it is sad for younger children to be reminded by photographs that they are in their older siblings clothes. Second hand clothes but from another child would be better.

Bloody hell, there's some whinyarses and guilt-trippers on this thread. OP, the vouchers were given to you, spend them as you see fit. Babies and toddlers don't give a flying fuck if their clothes are new or not, so long as the clothes are comfy. And decent sheets are a better investment than cheap ones, which will get stiff/scratchy/wear into holes quicker.

jessieagain Mon 09-Sep-13 23:17:34

If you take lots of photographs, children will be reminded that they are wearing mostly handmedowns. I think this may cause problems in the future (particularly if there are other sibling rivalry issues). So they might not know any difference now but they could quite well do in the future!

I would always prefer to use other secondhand clothes rather than your own family handmedowns.

IAmNotAMindReader Mon 09-Sep-13 23:23:43

There's lots of bedding on Ebay going pretty cheap. Brand new too.

lol SGB say what you really mean grin

hand me downs are a big treat in our house wink

I would use the vouchers for dd1. Dd2 has loads of clothes, as long as she isn't without its better to buy them in larger sizes to get the best value. You could always check with the aunt.

Dd2 does get hand me downs from dd1, plus a few new bits when needed. In fact it is dd1 who suffers more as she wistfully looks at the dresses she once loved and now dd2 wears. Dd2 is relatively unconcerned. Most of the clothes were passed on to dd1 from FIL neighbours. Are mini boden and will survive for ever. Enjoy their new clothes, or wait for sales and get even more value!

It's not about being a guilt tripper, it's using the voucher for what it was intended for. There isnt anything wrong with hand me downs, but sooner or later second/third/tenth children will wonder why their new clothes are suspiciously similar to something older sibling wore when it was fashionable 3 years ago, or why older sibling is the only one who has new things bought for them. I was given money from certain relatives who would have thought I was ungrateful if I had used it on myself (whether buying sheets or a weeks shopping) rather than spend it on something that we could say "ah yes ds, auntie Ethel got you that" to. A voucher works the same, just the shop is pre-determined.

OxfordBags Mon 09-Sep-13 23:33:13

SGB, would you like to borrow my lovely hairdryer? grin

5madthings Mon 09-Sep-13 23:38:08

I have four boys so lots gets handed down, its a non issue, as they get older clothes get worn out...holes in knees! Or they are a different shape/season etc so they all get some new anyway. But they love knowing they will inherit certain bits of clothing, we had a thunderbirds jumper they lusted over and they like that their younger siblings will wear stuff.

We and they like having photos of them all wearing the same stuff is some red dungarees that did all four boys and dd. Even better some stuff has gone to my nephew, its nice that the clothes have history, they all love it.

jessieagain Mon 09-Sep-13 23:59:18

op I have been thinking about this some more and yabu.

Those vouchers were for your dd2. Why should your dd1 get more new clothes with this money instead of dd2, especially since they were given to dd2?!

Buying sheets would be less unreasonable. But save some vouchers for your dd2.

If dd1 needs new clothes then sell some of her old clothes that you were saving for dd2 and buy her some new secondhand clothes.

StuntGirl Tue 10-Sep-13 00:03:18

I'd do it a heartbeat. I'd buy the bedding too. And I wouldn't feel a jot of guilt.

Arf at babies and toddlers 'knowing they're getting last season's hand me downs' grin

YANBU There is no point worrying that your DD2 won't get new clothes but your DD1 did. Thing like that don't make much difference and you will never achieve a completely 'fair' balance between your DDs all of the time. The best thing that you can do is to deal with them as fairly as possible, according to their needs at any particular time. Your DD1 needs clothes. Your DD2 needs new sheets to cosleep on. Your DD2 has the benefit of an older sister. That is way better than a load of new clothes and you can never make that 'fair' between your DDs. My DD would happily forgo all clothes in return for a big sister!

LovesBeingOnHoliday Tue 10-Sep-13 00:36:11

Op totally get where you are coming - I feel so sorry for my second

MortifiedAdams Tue 10-Sep-13 00:37:37

What would you have done if the Aunt hadnt been so generous?

New clothes for your child who has outgrown hers should be something you are budgetting for. Supermarkets and Primark do good quality cheap kids clothes.

Bedlinen that is stained is still useable when money can be spent elsewhere.

OutragedFromLeeds Tue 10-Sep-13 00:44:51

OP YANBU

DD2 doesn't care and will almost certainly never care.

If DH's aunt is the reasonable type she won't care either. If she desperately wanted clothes for DD2 she'd have bought them. She gave you a voucher to spend on what you see fit (unless the voucher came with instructions?!).

solarbright Tue 10-Sep-13 01:01:18

Okay, haven't read whole thread so I hope it hasn't morphed into 'my DH is a wanker' or something, but...

WTF. You have a voucher. You have a child who needs clothes and one who does not. You need/want (it does NOT matter) some nice sheets. Go get DD1 some warm clothes and you some lovely bedding. Why is this even a question?? Enjoy.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Tue 10-Sep-13 06:19:53

OP - the sheets are your call in your situation. Handing over vouchers instead of cash that you don't actually have can be the only way if a person's really struggling. Yes it's possible to get sheets elsewhere for a few quid but if a person is really on the bones of their arse, they may not have that few quid to spare.

littlewhitebag Tue 10-Sep-13 06:31:58

Buy what you want. Why would you come and ask such a thing? Only you know what your family needs. If it is a coat for DD1 or some bed sheets then just get them.

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