AIBU to expect ex to attend hospital appt with DC2

(34 Posts)
Theydeserve Mon 09-Sep-13 21:24:21

Ex agreed weeks ago to take DC2 to hospital appt, has two very important appts in close succession - he taking one off work and me the other.

Tonight he phones to say his new DP has had a bereavement at the weekend, is in such a state vomiting, has been admitted to hospital and he can not go tomorrow because he needs to be with her.

Morloth Tue 10-Sep-13 14:35:04

He is the problem not her. What a shit.

congresstart Tue 10-Sep-13 13:39:25

People like his girlfriend do exsist unfortunately, it just seems very suspect that she has a drama everytime something terrible is happening to his DC.

I hope your childs operation goes well, and he has the good sense to come through as a dad.

Sokmonsta Tue 10-Sep-13 04:57:48

Surely ex dh wouldn't be allowed to be by her bedside 24/7, visiting hours are usually afternoon and evening therefore plenty of time to still take dc to appt and then visit gf in hospital.

Sounds like the ex is as bad as his gf as he's jumped on her being ill as an excuse for not doing as arranged.

In future I'd arrange everything to suit you and inform him of any hospital stays etc when its a done deal. He then has the choice whether to visit or not. It's not going to help you out at this already stressful time to be dealing with a man who can't step up as well as his drama llama gf.

solarbright Tue 10-Sep-13 01:24:44

YANBU. Even if she really was in hospital being rehydrated and/or sedated for a 'proper' reason (and not simply being a drama queen), your DH would need to take his child to his hospital appt. He would simply have to leave her bedside (after all, she is in hospital and being cared for), long enough to do what needs doing for his son. That's what parents do. If I were in hospital for something non-life threatening and one our DC needed to get to an important hospital appt, he'd damned well better leave me and get our kid to the doctor.

Sorry, OP, he's not much of a father, is he? Your DC are lucky to have you. Hope the op goes perfectly for your DC.

Bogeyface Tue 10-Sep-13 00:44:16

megs yes they do, I am one of them. But isnt it odd that whenever I was PG, or got a job or my (ex) DH got a replacement company car or we went on holiday, my (now ex) SIL announced a PG and whenever I miscarried, she miscarried too, despite her never taking a pg test (by her own admission) and never having any antenatal care. One "mc" was at 26 weeks, but she shrugged it off as a "heavy bleed". That was when my ex PIL finally twigged as my MIL lost a child ay 20ish weeks so knew how it happened.

After over 20 m/c in 3 years, she assaulted my ex DH at his mothers funeral because "no one hurts more than I do".

They do exist.

megsmouse Tue 10-Sep-13 00:34:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mollywashup Mon 09-Sep-13 22:46:28

That is typical of some women my nieces dad moved to Cyprus because his girlfriend didn't want his daughters around some women are jealous of ex wives and children and will do anything to stop a relationship, you have my total sympathy hopefully he will one day see her for what she is

DoJo Mon 09-Sep-13 22:41:19

You certainly can end up being admitted to hospital for no reason if you have the brass neck to fake symptoms for long enough.

Theydeserve Mon 09-Sep-13 22:39:21

quoteunquote - do you know her!!

I do usually detach and ignore, then he offers to do something and 99/100 lets the DCs down - but you keep trying because you want them to know their Dad, have a relationship with their Dad and you hurt for your kids.

Have had my rant now going to sleep before tomorrow and what other hell that brings.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Mon 09-Sep-13 22:37:58

Sorry, I thought you meant she was pregnant.

How do you know she is doing all this stuff? Does your ex know?

Sadly, I think its going to come to a point where you can't figure him in your childcare arrangements, which is completely unfair on you sad
Do you think there will come a time that he will see through her lies?

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Mon 09-Sep-13 22:37:42

How do you know she wasn't pregnant?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Mon 09-Sep-13 22:35:52

OP, this is terrible behaviour from this woman, and I completely understand your anger at the pair of them. Like you, I don't believe she's had all those mc (and am astounded at her cruelty), but do you think your ex does? Does he buy her act?

Andro Mon 09-Sep-13 22:31:13

As a side issue how do you get yourself hospitalised for a bereavement??

You get yourself into such a state where you need to be sedated/have a massive panic attack/go into extreme shock and have to be monitored.

quoteunquote Mon 09-Sep-13 22:30:42

It's shitty when parents don't put their child first in situations like this, he sounds as if he is detached and un bonded with your child,

How hideous for you, nothing worse than your child being hurt by a parent,

You may have to accept he will never be the dad you wanted for you DC even in a little way,

she is playing power games, shrug the pair of them off, I would try to ignore them from now on, let him make the effort if he wants to,but don't waste anymore energy on them,

a normal person no matter what was going on for them would send their partner off to tend a child in its hour of need, she resents your child, if she feels the need to compete with it for attention, be careful with that one, she clearly didn't want a second hand man with baggage.

withdraw any unnecessary contact or communication, people like this feed of the energy, stop fuelling her.

good luck with the DC.

Theydeserve Mon 09-Sep-13 22:30:40

She is not pregnant - has never been pregnant in the last year.Conveniently finds herself pregnant a few days after our latest trouble and then when it settles she has a miscarriage - it is now a standing joke.

I was expecting that as the excuse this time, she can not in anyway be blamed for the bereavement, I would not wish it on anyone, even though we all go through it eventually.

DC knew Ex was going to hospital and excited 'cos Daddy was going to hold hands not mummy for a change! Explain that to a 4 yr old

You get yourself hospitalised by sticking your fingers down your throat and vomiting so many times, refusing drink and water, you get dehydrated- she has done it before.

lunar1 Mon 09-Sep-13 22:29:34

I think he should take his child to the appointment.

Easyonthetonic Mon 09-Sep-13 22:26:09

I dont think the OP said she was pregnant at the moment.

Does your ex live near to you?

Surely he can still take your daughter to her appt, he would not be away from his DP for too long.

Theydeserve Mon 09-Sep-13 22:25:24

No after the hell those two have put me through - they deserve each other.

Just want the DCs to have a Dad who does not put his latest bit first and does not let them down,everytime because she takes priority.

I wanted to go and view my parents body prior to the funeral involving a 200 round mile trip. He could not sit with DC that day because she was drama queening. Sadly i can predict when the op happens in the next few weeks, she will have another crisis which will prevent him seeing them on the ward. I hurt for my DCs who come last after his current DP, her kids and her family every time

greenfolder Mon 09-Sep-13 22:24:34

Jeez, that sounds bloody tough OP. Good job your dcs have you as a mum. As a side issue how do you get yourself hospitalised for a bereavement?? Mind boggles.
Hope your dcs appointment goes well op x

AngelsLieToKeepControl Mon 09-Sep-13 22:19:44

After 4 miscarriages I imagine she will be extra paranoid about this pregnancy, she can't fake a family death, and they wouldn't admit her to hospital for no reason at all.

I can see why you are annoyed, and, if I'm honest I would feel a bit pissed off too, but try and look at it from her POV too, wouldn't you want your partner there if you were in her shoes?

I hope your dc is doing well, it must be a really stressful time for you thanks

Andro Mon 09-Sep-13 22:18:55

I'm getting splinters from the fence I'm sitting on. Does your dc know that dad was supposed to be taking him/her? If so, he's sending a pretty crappy message. I would also says it's pretty hypocritical for him to ditch out due to his partner's (very sad) bereavement and expect you to take over, when he wouldn't take over for you.

<grabs comfy cushion for fence>

I hope your DC receives good news.

You sound very bitter, do you want to get back with your ex?

CHJR Mon 09-Sep-13 22:15:54

Good he reminds now and then that you separated from him for good reason?!

Pilgit Mon 09-Sep-13 22:11:43

My dads partner is like that. In 12 years she's had amazing terminal cancer that disappeared as if by magic; a heart murmer; heart attacks; asthma attacks and a heap of things I can't remember. The woman is always ill. Especially when dads attention is drawn to us. We're adults though we don't need him. I hope, if she is crying wolf that it backfires on her.

KaFayOLay Mon 09-Sep-13 22:10:17

As a mother, I would want to be there for my child, for that reason alone I wouldn't have even asked him.

YABU though. Not many people get admitted to hospital for nothing!

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