According to FIL i am a selfish gobshite.

(109 Posts)
cooeeyonlyme Sat 07-Sep-13 22:42:31

For the past month i have been really ill. I had food poisoning, then a kidney infection leading onto thrush (yey) .
Today i could barely get out of bed because i felt so weak.

FIL turned up and because i didn't get out of bed at 9:30 i am a selfish gobshite!
I had been up most of the night with DD with a sickness bug and it looks like i'm getting it too. Dp and fil just got into the car and went to bil's house where according to Dp they sat and discussed how i make them feel unwelcome in our home.

Over the past year Dp has lost his job an decided that he wants a year out (that's another thread)
My mother has escaped an abusive relationship which caused no end of trouble.
We found out that my brother was addicted to prescription drugs.
I practically had a nervous breakdown.

I work, Dp doesn't. He sits his butt on the couch and doesn't really do much. He'll wash the pots and make dinner every night but that's about it.
On my days off i clean the house because if i don't it won't get done.

MIL comes on a monday as soon as i get in from work, we get a long great but her waving a cup at me as i'm taking my work jacket off pisses me off.

Dps brother pops in every night for 10-30mins for no reason in particular. He likes to come at tea time with his family which i find annoying.

His nan visits every saturday night without fail. Even if we tell her we have plans she bangs on the door.

Fil insists on spending saturday sat on my couch. Literally the whole day. This is the only day i have with my family because i work every other day. So i have asked the family if they might leave us on our own on that day.

They have all turned on me and i am very upset. FIL said he has washed his hands of me and i am a selfish gobshite.
Please tell me aibu?

p.s. My family don't visit because dp's family are always here and they get made to feel like they shouldn't be here. Even christmas day all of Dp's family turned up and stayed all day and even watched us eat our lunch.

cooeeyonlyme Mon 09-Sep-13 20:15:54

Mil is great don't get me wrong but i don't like the idea of having to have a set day.
Nobody else had turned up yet, i think Dp might of had words.

YouTheCat Mon 09-Sep-13 20:05:25

I suppose one day a week isn't too bad.

Any sign of the rest of the freeloaders? grin

cooeeyonlyme Mon 09-Sep-13 20:04:23

Mil has her set days visiting each one of her kids. Ours just happens to be on a monday. She doesn't like it if we go out because she feel like that is her day.
Apart from that we get on great.

YouTheCat Mon 09-Sep-13 19:56:03

Cooeey, if you get on with your mil well, could you have a quiet word with her and just say you'd like to come home and be able to have time to unwind before having to entertain guests and maybe have a few nights a week with no guests so you and your family can spend time together?

Or would that be the kind of thing to start her harumphing?

ChasedByBees Mon 09-Sep-13 19:08:25

Bloody hell. I'd actually LTB for this. I could not bear it.

cooeeyonlyme Mon 09-Sep-13 18:53:50

Raisah.
I'm not the Wimpy. I have a budget and that doesn't include feeding anyone other than my family. That may sound mean but if Their son got off his large hoop and got a job then i might chuck a crumpet their way. Until then tough. We have one wage coming in so i can't be handing out food to every Tom, Dick and Harry who happen to be perched on my couch.

I don't understand why it would be considered rude for me not to offer some christmas dinner to them? I had bought enough for my family. Christmas dinner is expensive.
They have christmas dinner on boxing day so they can spend christmas day visiting family.

As for hospitality, i am to guests. Not to people who just turn up and use my home like a walk in centre.

I have come home today to find that Mil in residence with Sil dc's and all i want to do is sleep.

LadyEdith Mon 09-Sep-13 08:10:40

Rofl @:

Shut your pie hole

Fuck off this isn't a cafe

Kick him in the cock.

<<mentally stores for future use>>

pigletmania Mon 09-Sep-13 08:02:45

Fil would not be Welcome and as on Mumsnet, no is a complete sentance!

YouTheCat Mon 09-Sep-13 07:20:00

I think I'd be a bit pissed off with people turning up and expecting me to be doing drinks etc as soon as I walk through the door from work.

There is no worse feeling that not being at ease in your own home.

I don't think I would be offering Christmas dinner to people who just turned up either. Different if they were invited.

Raisah its not inhospitable if they weren't invited and turned up en masse anyway and refused to leave. Its downright bloody rude.

raisah Mon 09-Sep-13 07:14:03

The key thing is yoyr dp unemployment, because he is available they feel they can drop in all of the time. Seriously tell him to get a job even if its a christmas job at homebase or something.

The odd thing that stood out was that they watched you eat your christmas meal, did you not invite them to share dinner. If that's the case, then that is inhospitable and I would be pissed off with my dh if he ate in front of my family and didn't ask them to share. I would think that he was a lazy selfish person if he couldnt extend hospitality to my family.

Do draw boundaries about visiting times and start to invite your family around as it is your house as much as his. Your post is coming across as slightly 'oh woe is me I can't invite my family around because of the ILs'. Take control and do it, my ILs don't like my family and I don't care I invitr them anyway. My ils can choose not to come if they wish. But do remember that how you behave towards your ils your kids will pick up and might repeat to them so don't discuss them in front of your kids. Also, remember that you too might become an in law oneday.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Mon 09-Sep-13 01:24:40

Jesus wept. I'd pack up the kids, move away and not tell any of them where I'd gone - including DP!! There's not enough room under my patio for all those bodies!! wine << you need it & deserve it!

cooeeyonlyme Mon 09-Sep-13 01:11:53

No not Chavs Sam. I'm working class and proud, Dp's family come from good stock so to speak.
Most are part of the Cheshire set and to be honest they are complete snobby twats.

butterflyflyaway Sun 08-Sep-13 23:54:54

You must be exhausted Op you should make use of the useless twunts & go find a nice quiet room/tent to sleep in wine

SamHamwidge Sun 08-Sep-13 23:44:48

This probably sounds quite horrible but all that turning up at each others houses all the time makes them all sound like a bunch of chavs .

You mentioned Lime Street station, so if you are in Liverpool I'll rephrase that to a bunch of scallies.

I too would find it exhausting but then I find most company exhausting these days!

YouTheCat Sun 08-Sep-13 23:41:23

I have seen that house. That would sort them out OP. grin

cooeeyonlyme Sun 08-Sep-13 23:33:58

Has anyone ever seen that house on an tiny island near Menai bridge in Anglesey?
I want that house!

pigletmania Sun 08-Sep-13 23:28:15

Bloidy hell op, first your dp needs to grow a pair, no is a complete sentance. Do not allow them into your home, stuff what fil thinks about you. You have to concentrate on your family

cooeeyonlyme Sun 08-Sep-13 23:16:59

I made a bit of a scene before work today. I told him to change or he can get out.
I came home to a clean house, clean kids and tea on the table. His brother has been ringing and did turn up for 5 minutes before but i just got up and walked into a different room.

I wish they would understand that my home isn't Lime street station or a bloody cafe.

Tomorrow is monday, Mil's set day to come. As much as i like her i would like to be able to do what i want on a monday.

Grrr i love a good moan.

Euphemia Sun 08-Sep-13 02:19:22

Really - LTB and his family of freeloaders!

(Irrelevant, but I love that you're more ashamed of being "in the paper" for murder than for the act itself! grin)

Thumpalumpa Sun 08-Sep-13 02:04:42

If the cap fits, then wear it with pride.

Thumpalumpa Sun 08-Sep-13 02:04:19

if your DP wants to see his family, he can go round there when you are at work - right!
You are not selfish, they are just resorting to those words to make you feel guilty and carry on doing exactly as they please.
I am slowly learning that life as a doormat doesn't work out for me either. My mantra is now, well who is worried about upsetting me? Let them think you are selfish. What's better, them ruining your weekend and being there all the time or them thinking a bit ill of you?

Mindmaps Sun 08-Sep-13 01:51:27

Arse.

Mindmaps Sun 08-Sep-13 01:47:39

I think telling him to move in with fil is inspired. He can still do childcare for you but you don't have to look at his fat arose on your sofa all the time.

MariaLuna Sun 08-Sep-13 01:43:19

This situation is seriously impacting your health.

He wants to take a year out? Great, tell him to take his family with him!

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