According to FIL i am a selfish gobshite.

(109 Posts)
cooeeyonlyme Sat 07-Sep-13 22:42:31

For the past month i have been really ill. I had food poisoning, then a kidney infection leading onto thrush (yey) .
Today i could barely get out of bed because i felt so weak.

FIL turned up and because i didn't get out of bed at 9:30 i am a selfish gobshite!
I had been up most of the night with DD with a sickness bug and it looks like i'm getting it too. Dp and fil just got into the car and went to bil's house where according to Dp they sat and discussed how i make them feel unwelcome in our home.

Over the past year Dp has lost his job an decided that he wants a year out (that's another thread)
My mother has escaped an abusive relationship which caused no end of trouble.
We found out that my brother was addicted to prescription drugs.
I practically had a nervous breakdown.

I work, Dp doesn't. He sits his butt on the couch and doesn't really do much. He'll wash the pots and make dinner every night but that's about it.
On my days off i clean the house because if i don't it won't get done.

MIL comes on a monday as soon as i get in from work, we get a long great but her waving a cup at me as i'm taking my work jacket off pisses me off.

Dps brother pops in every night for 10-30mins for no reason in particular. He likes to come at tea time with his family which i find annoying.

His nan visits every saturday night without fail. Even if we tell her we have plans she bangs on the door.

Fil insists on spending saturday sat on my couch. Literally the whole day. This is the only day i have with my family because i work every other day. So i have asked the family if they might leave us on our own on that day.

They have all turned on me and i am very upset. FIL said he has washed his hands of me and i am a selfish gobshite.
Please tell me aibu?

p.s. My family don't visit because dp's family are always here and they get made to feel like they shouldn't be here. Even christmas day all of Dp's family turned up and stayed all day and even watched us eat our lunch.

hoppingmad Sat 07-Sep-13 22:46:47

Bloody hell, yanbu.
You are, however, being far too accommodating. No way would anyone be welcome at my house that often!

No no no, if they want to call you selfish fine but get some rules sorted. Think this should be your breaking point and from now on things happen your way!

MimiSunshine Sat 07-Sep-13 22:49:36

No YANBU but if it means the inlaws don't come round as much then who cares if he thinks you are a gobshite. Just swallow the annoyance and enjoy the peace and quiet.
He might be trying to use reverse psychology on you, to try and get you to become Miss Hospitality in order to change his mind. And even if he's just a rude pig then either way don't take any notice.

YouTheCat Sat 07-Sep-13 22:49:40

What does your 'd'p have to say on the matter?

If he thinks this is acceptable, is adding nothing to home life, is not looking for work, don't you think it might be time to ditch the lot of them?

cooeeyonlyme Sat 07-Sep-13 22:50:21

I have tried and tried to sort something out that would work for us all but his family won't listen. It's a big family so i understand that they all want to visit but when it's every single day it's getting me down.

Straight after work, dinner time etc.. it's too much.

FutTheShuckUp Sat 07-Sep-13 22:50:51

They sound foul. And if I'm honest I'm struggling to see 'd'ps redeeming features. A year out I ask myself.

cooeeyonlyme Sat 07-Sep-13 22:53:07

Fil's wife left him two years ago so he's very lonely. He sits in my house spouting sexist shite.

I came in from work last sunday and he asked me why my kitchen was a mess! It not a mans job blah blah blah

cooeeyonlyme Sat 07-Sep-13 22:54:36

He has always worked and provided for the family so it's about time i pulled my weight.
He picks the kids up from school and such but he Dp doesn't do much around the house.

NoelHeadbands Sat 07-Sep-13 22:54:44

I agree with them, you selfish gobshite!

I'm kidding of course, what does your DP say about this? Does he realise that the situation is becoming untenable?
He needs to, because if nothing changes, I'd bet my bottom dollar that you won't be together this time next year

Hissy Sat 07-Sep-13 22:54:49

Fucking hell!

Move house!

Don't tell em where!

CharityFunDay Sat 07-Sep-13 22:55:40

FIL said he has washed his hands of me

So he won't be coming round any more? Result!

Seriously, they sound absolutely fucking atrocious, and your husband should be having words with them.

cooeeyonlyme Sat 07-Sep-13 22:55:58

Dp doesn't want to upset his dad because his dad is in a 'fragile' state.
He has mentioned having suicidal thoughts.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgadorSpartacus Sat 07-Sep-13 22:56:46

Hi selfish gobshite, I'm controlling bitch, nice to meet you.

From our point of view the very moment my in laws walked away from us our lives and my marriage and our relationship became infinitely better.

However, as it stands your 'd'p concerns me. You sound like you are being taken advantage of from all and sundry and he is guilty of encouraging it and perpetuating it.

What does he bring to your life?

cooeeyonlyme Sat 07-Sep-13 22:57:48

Yes Charity. He has said he's not coming here any more but what's pissing me off is that i am being made out to be the bad guy here.
Fil bought me a birthday card and scribbled out the daughter inlaw bit because we're not married!
Why didn't he just buy me a normal one? He had to prove a point.

AgadorSpartacus Sat 07-Sep-13 22:58:36

Oh emotionally manipulative of his son. Yep seen that one too.

Utter rubbish. I know who the gobshite is here and it sure as hell isn't you.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Sat 07-Sep-13 22:58:55

You need to tell all of them to just fuck right off

There is no way you should tolerate being treated like this, especially in your own home

cooeeyonlyme Sat 07-Sep-13 23:01:11

Dp is a decent bloke most of the time. At the moment i could strangle him.
He told me he's stuck in a hard place and doesn't want to be in the middle. He wants his family to be able to come here as often as they want.

Valentines night dp cooked me a lovely meal and they all turned up!!

CharityFunDay Sat 07-Sep-13 23:02:24

Your husband needs a kick in the cock. His responsibility is to you, not them.

cooeeyonlyme Sat 07-Sep-13 23:02:47

Don't get me wrong sometimes when they turn up i go and sit in my room. Now that is horrible.
I can be a right cow too.

Mil and Fil don't get on (divorced 30 years ago) and fil likes to slag her off in front of my children. I told him to shut his pie hole and he hasn't like me ever since.

Cupcake1985 Sat 07-Sep-13 23:03:06

You are kinder than I would ever be. I think I would have screamed at the them all by now. Or divorced my DH just to get rid of the family - especially if he didn't support me when I expressed my view. But then I've always had in-law issues. I need boundaries with everyone except DH.

YouTheCat Sat 07-Sep-13 23:03:35

If he's unwilling to see how negatively they impact on your relationship then it's time to move on.

I lived with my mil for years (we did not get on well tbh) and even she wouldn't have intruded like that.

AnyFucker Sat 07-Sep-13 23:03:49

Take my advice.

Do a moonlight flit with no forwarding address and leave all the fuckers to it. And that includes your lily livered and spineless "d"p

cooeeyonlyme Sat 07-Sep-13 23:04:55

We have been together for 16 years and FIL didn't see us much. Maybe twice a year? Then he split up from his wife and he hounded his children,
I should be happy really. He sits in Bil's house every day for hours.

anonacfr Sat 07-Sep-13 23:05:14

Kick in the cock. grin

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