I need some perspective on this, I'm a regular poster but name changed because this makes me quite identifiable. Apologies if its long, please bear with me.
About 10 years ago, before me and DH got together, his brother (so my now BIL) was arrested for downloading an indecent image of a child. He said he hadn't meant to, got a caution and nothing more was said. We got a phonecall in April this year, when DC3 was only a few days old, from social services wanting to know if BIL has any contact with our DCs. We said no, he's not that close to DH so he never comes round and MIL comes to us to visit (he still lives at home with MIL). They told us that he'd been arrested again for the same thing as before, the woman we spoke to was obviously surprised that we hadn't been told by MIL as we live literally just around the corner so there was always potential for him to see the DCs. DH phoned MIL to ask what was going on, she said that yes he'd been arrested again but that she didn't tell us because obviously he hadn't meant to do it and wasn't a threat to our DCs. She also told DH not to tell me (though he has already), making it pretty obvious she didn't trust me not to tell anyone. MIL told us it was one image and that his computer hasn't been seized.
Since then she's made it clear that he's done nothing wrong and she doesn't want to talk about it, she only told us he'd appeared at Magistrates court afterwards, and that it had been referred to crown court. She told us on Thursday afternoon that he would be at crown court on Friday and that he'd only just found out, I don't believe he would have found out at that short notice. I also found out by looking online that he was in court for sentencing, again she didn't tell us. He got a suspended sentence, as far as MIL was concerned yesterday that was the end of the matter and he'd done nothing wrong and no one would ever find out.
DH bought the local paper on his way to work this morning just in case. On page 15 there's a big piece that says his name, age and address. It also says that police seized two computers, and found over 1000 images ranging in seriousness from levels 1-5 (5 being the most graphic and severe there is), plus videos as well. DH has phoned MIL again, even today she's still insisting he hasn't done anything wrong. DH is happy to want nothing more to do with BIL, but where MIL is concerned he said he can't choose his family, and I do understand that she's still his mum but she's made it very clear where her loyalties lie.
AIBU to tell DH that he's welcome to see her if he wishes but given how she feels about what BIL is and has done that I want nothing to do with her? Should also add that we've both already agreed our DCs will never go to her house while BIL lives there.
AIBU?
To want nothing more to do with MIL?
1026mistakes · 07/09/2013 12:38
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that he only got a suspended sentence!YANBU
And as for how that will affect the relationship between mil and dc, perhaps that is something for mil to consider, along with her notions of "having done nothing wrong" 
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I work in the criminal justice system. I agree with evabeavers, but don't share her confidence in the accuracy of court reporting. 
Still, doubt they have the number of images and levels of seriousness wrong, and agree the hearing would have been fixed in advance. Sometimes, someone has lots at level one and a few at the other levels almost in genuine error. Don't just think there were lots at level 5 or that they were spread evenly unless reported otherwise.
Check he doesn't have a 'sexual offences prevention order', prohibiting him from being with children etc.
Problem is, your mil sounds very much in denial and perhaps wouldn't see a problem in him seeing your child, even if that placed him in breach of the order. I would not let her see your children alone for that reason. Might be OTT to stop all contact with her though.
I am very sorry to hear you are going through all this. Keep us updated.
I'm a bit about MIL utter denial. The fact she is putting her pedophile sons interests before her grandchildren's would lead me down the no contact route.
She is actually enabling him. I hope to god your all going to be safe and no vigilantes turn up at yours .
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