to think if this isn't an act of treason, it bloody well should be?

(66 Posts)
WestieMamma Fri 06-Sep-13 22:36:53

I don't live in the UK.

Recently a new cafe/restaurant has opened up near me. A British one! We decided to go there for a treat today. I ordered a Devonshire (hmm) cream tea and WestiePappa wanted fish'n'chips.

My cream tea came with Swedish tea (I think Lipton's collect used teabags in England, dry them and then resell them in Sweden), 2 nice looking scones, strawberry jam and ... wait for it ... SQUIRTY CREAM! That's right, bloody squirty cream. A complete abomination in Britain name.

The fish and chips involved French fries and what appeared to be a giant fish shaped budget fish finger. The forrin waiter tried to convince us that it wasn't what we were expecting because it was haddock and us being Brits are used to cod hmm. The British owner came out, realised immediately that this betrayal of her country was up, was very embarassed and gave us back our money.

Bring back hanging I say.

Charleymouse Sun 08-Sep-13 01:12:11

Westie of course you do it the same as me right order.
Definitely treason then.
<strokes brow comfortingly> offers Yorkshire tea for the shock.

FeijoaVodkaLovesHokeyPokey Sat 07-Sep-13 18:14:10

<ponders making her fortune developing clotted cream in a squirty can>

SoThisIsHowYouNameChange Sat 07-Sep-13 15:36:14

I can understand your horror. The disgraceful attempts at American dishes over here are similarly bad.

Onesleeptillwembley Sat 07-Sep-13 15:31:02

Haddock is the preferred fish here, not much call for cod (Urgh).

Blackberrybakewell Sat 07-Sep-13 15:26:24

If you're in southern Sweden get thee over the water to Copenhagen, I was an expat there and was delighted that the local British shop (Abigails) sells clotted cream in the freezer section. Bloody expensive but worth it for a hit every now and again!

Proper Devon cream teas aren't made with scones at all, it should be a Devonshire split, also known as a Chudleigh, which is made with yeast. Scones are easier to make, so they have invaded tea-time like knotweed.

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 07-Sep-13 14:47:44

Westie, have you contacted the Embassey? I am outraged on your behalf, this is a Diplomatic Incident.angry

PresidentServalan Sat 07-Sep-13 14:33:07

That's terrible! Squirty cream has its place in society but with a cream tea it must be clotted cream! How awful for you, I am with the pp who suggested care packages to be sent to you!

WestieMamma Sat 07-Sep-13 14:22:22

I'm from Birkenhead. There's only one place beyond Birmingham, it's called Down South. It's all the same to me wink

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer Sat 07-Sep-13 10:42:24

Westie the right way for a Devon cream tea is scone, clotted cream then jam. Jam then cream is Cornish.

Rufus43 Sat 07-Sep-13 09:17:44

I am happy to sign a petition and march on the Swedish embassy!

kim147 Sat 07-Sep-13 09:14:20

Liptons seems to have cornered the market in tea abroad.

I remember going to an English themed pub in the US during the World cup. Full of flags, a phone box, some beers and a good recreation. I asked them if they were showing the World Cup football.

Got a strange look.

WestieMamma Sat 07-Sep-13 09:11:45

I will assess your unreasonableness if you tell me which order you would apply the ingredients to your scone.

I do it the right way: butter, jam then cream. wink

WestieMamma Sat 07-Sep-13 09:10:03

OP, you must try their FEB and report back.

I can't. I'm not strong enough. I'm still too traumatised by the squirty cream.

WestieMamma Sat 07-Sep-13 09:09:17

We didn't get haddock, we got compressed white fish flakes of no fixed identity. The 'haddock' line was a pathetic attempt to pull the wool over our eyes. The locals here wouldn't know haddock if it came up and bit them on the arse, the waiter assumed (wrongly) that being Brits we wouldn't know either.

Smoorikins Sat 07-Sep-13 08:36:48

What has herring got to do with it? You got haddock, not herring.

Haddock - white fish, less prone to worms than cod, hence (Imo and the general consensus where I live, which is a fishing community) superior to cod.

Herring - oily fish, commonly used to make kippers.

daisychain01 Sat 07-Sep-13 08:36:45

Apparently cream teas are good in places like Tasmania and NZ where there are damn fine red blooded Brits who wouldnt be seen dead next to a can of squirty cream.

Charleymouse Sat 07-Sep-13 07:54:01

I will assess your unreasonableness if you tell me which order you would apply the ingredients to your scone.

I used to work in a pub that served hundreds of Irish coffees. To make it easier look nicer it was cream that was squirted. Not squirty cream. We had 4 litre cartons of fresh cream that we put in a soda dispenser, added a gas canister then squirted liberally. If it was this then it is still very wrong as not clotted cream. BUT if was Anchor squirty additive with sugar etc cream then yes, treason deffo.

winklewoman Sat 07-Sep-13 07:26:53

We always have a couple of cans of squirty cream in the house as the cat loves it. It's just known as cat cream here. He prefers the Lidl full fat one not the light. Fussy cat.

FeijoaVodkaLovesHokeyPokey Sat 07-Sep-13 07:01:30

Solve clotted cream is clotted over hot water in a pan. At the end of the process the clots are lifted out with a big spoon and wedged into little containers ready for application to scones with jam.

If you beat cream until it is butter like, it is butter grin

Yanbu, but yabu for making me crave scones, cream & jamgrin

sashh Sat 07-Sep-13 06:43:11

NorksAreMessy LOL. I actually did LOL.

I have Twinings in the cupboard, is that acceptable? Can it be added to the food parcel?

solveproblem Sat 07-Sep-13 06:37:59

I'm Swedish (living in England) and quite pleased to have escaped the herring!

But the clotted cream, don't you just whip the cream a bit longer til it turns butter like? (Don't flame me, this is not something I've attempted but always assumed to be the case.)

Hot chocolate is an acceptable outlet for squirty cream, cream tea is definitely not. YANBU.

CharityFunDay Sat 07-Sep-13 06:33:12

I still call them 'Chinese Gooseberries' (70s upbringing)

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