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That you should of helped

(247 Posts)
bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 14:08:31

Was running 10 minutes late past school pick up time and rang my friend to ask if it would be okay
If my dc could stop at her house til I got there to collect him from her house. She said no,she was going out and couldn't, fair enough.
Anyway I got to the school and no sign if him, I got held up at a hospital appointment that over ran when it shouldn't of as it was at 1.50 pm so plenty of time I thought to get back.
I got a call a disgruntled call from my friend to say that dc had turned up at her house.
Turns out that her husband opened the door and wouldn't let my dc in as he thought that I had sent my dc round there and then her husband said that my friend was out. But my dc heard her from the kitchen talking.
My dc asked if he could get her to ring me and tell me that he was there.
I know that I was in the wrong for not being there on time , but I would never do that to a child who had the good sense to go to a friend for help in this situation.

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 14:10:22

They don't sound like very good friends and I wouldn't put your DC at their mercy again. And sorry to sound pedantic but it's "should HAVE" not "should OF". It's a real bugbear of mine.

Depends firstly on how old your child is (presumably secondary age or the school shouldn't have let him leave) and secondly whether this is a habit and your friend has had enough.

On the face of it as a one off she probably should have helped. But in your shoes I'd call /text her apologising for the fact that your ds turned up at her house when she'd already said she couldn't help but that you'd tried to get in touch with the school to stop that happening

YouTheCat Fri 06-Sep-13 14:13:15

How old is your dc?

Tbh I'd be more annoyed with school for letting him out without an adult. I reckon calling the school iif you're going to be late is the best bet then they know to hang on to him. They don't tend to mind if it is a one off (as this sounds like it is).

How come your child knew to go to your friends house?
How often does this happen?
How often are you late?

SaucyJack Fri 06-Sep-13 14:13:55

You don't say how old your son is.

If he's 4, YANBU. If he's 14, YABU.

NothingsLeft Fri 06-Sep-13 14:14:47

How old is your DC? Doesn't sound very charitable of them.

SoonToBeSix Fri 06-Sep-13 14:15:21

Yellow most primary schools let children leave alone, mine does in Juniors so age 7.

Whocansay Fri 06-Sep-13 14:15:42

On the face of it YANBU, but if you've done this lots before and been late / taken the piss then she has every right to say no.

LineRunner Fri 06-Sep-13 14:16:04

That does seem a bit crap, yes, but I suppose it depends really on whether the adults are actual friends or just acquaintances, how old your DC is, distances etc. (Although I would never turn a child away without at least offering phoning the parent - unless were 16 or something and with a history of being a right pain in the backside.)

My DCs had house keys even in primary school because I would rather they were home alone for a short while than at the mercy of uncertain arrangements, if I ever got held up like you did.

expatinscotland Fri 06-Sep-13 14:17:09

What Quint said.

bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 14:17:53

It was a total one off and not something that happens me
Ever running late for primary school pick up.
There has been many occasions that I have looked after her
Dc,s and I haven't minded helping out at all with doing it. I just think that there was no need for them both to lie that she wasn't in and then not let ds into the house.

YouTheCat Fri 06-Sep-13 14:18:51

In that case she's a bit of a cow.

expatinscotland Fri 06-Sep-13 14:19:43

Doesn't matter. She said no. You should have made other arrangements or told reception at the appointment that you needed to leave to collect your child.

Don't do anything more for this person in the future. She's not a friend.

Isildur Fri 06-Sep-13 14:20:04

If your child is young enough to need collecting from school, you should impress upon them the need to stay put if you are late, not wonder off to random friends houses (who may well have plans of their own).

For whatever reason, your friend could not have your child in her house, and told you so. She may have been dealing with something serious/personal.

SaucyJack Fri 06-Sep-13 14:20:28

If he's still at primary (not middle) school, then it's the school you should be taking issue with.

Your friends sound like arseholes tho.

BrokenSunglasses Fri 06-Sep-13 14:20:55

If you were only ten minutes late, how come your child went to her house instead of waiting at school for you?

If it really was only ten minutes, you could have called the school to give him a message to wait there.

Nanny0gg Fri 06-Sep-13 14:22:34

If he's at primary, why didn't you ring them? They would have kept him till you got there.

No child should leave school premises unless they are collected or have permission to walk home.

ballstoit Fri 06-Sep-13 14:27:13

How old is your DC? I'd be pretty cross with DC tbh...if you usually pick up, and weren't there, they should have gone back into school.

Wonder why they went to friends house? Seems a bit odd...if they're not old enough to walk home alone, why would they think it okay to walk to your friends confused

ballstoit Fri 06-Sep-13 14:27:50

But then, you should HAVE rung school to ask them to keep him with them.

bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 14:35:08

Ds is year 5 and the school let them out without adults present to collect. I thought ds would of waited for me to collect but sometimes he walks part of the way with his mates, my friends house is on the same route.we have been friends for the past 15 years so he would of naturally thought of her as somewhere to go to of trust. I did say to him that he should of waited for me. But part of me thought that he was sensible to think to go to our friends house for help.

NatashaBee Fri 06-Sep-13 14:36:02

That was pretty shitty of her and her husband. But you need to impress on your child that they shouldn't just wander out of school if you're not there - tell them to go to the office next time.

somersethouse Fri 06-Sep-13 14:40:06

would HAVE!!!

YABU, your children are your responsibilty.

Soontobesix your 7 year old child is let out alone? Really? I'm not doubting you just totally shocked. My eldest son is the same age as yours - 7 - and his school insists that parents collect from the playground. They line up with their teachers and are only allowed to leave with an adult. I don't know any schools around here that are different for this age group. Although I don't think it's unreasonable in the op case that they let a 10 year old leave unaccompanied

WiddleAndPuke Fri 06-Sep-13 14:44:54

Year 5 is 10-11 years old isn't it?

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